Holiday Eating Tips

**Mermaid** · 12-20-2005, 06:43 PM

Holiday Eating Tips:

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of the year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has a million calories in every sip. It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnagoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed
potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while
carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted
Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of
attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind,
you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if
you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have
three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory
celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be
a journey to the
grave
with the intention of arriving safely in an
attractive and well
preserved
body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in
one hand, martini in
the
other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and
screaming "WOO HOO what
a ride!"

**Jdarg** · 12-20-2005, 06:45 PM

I may tuck this into my purse in case I forget any of the rules!

**CastlesOfSand** · 12-20-2005, 06:46 PM

Mermaid, you are toooooo funny!!!!

**Miss Kitty** · 12-20-2005, 07:44 PM

Thanks Mermaid! I pondered whether to lose a few lbs before the cruise. I decided, why bother to lose it if you are just going to gain it back! Love my logic!

**Chickpea** · 12-20-2005, 07:50 PM

Had tough day at work and this was just what I needed to laugh it off! Thanks

**Mermaid** · 12-20-2005, 07:56 PM

My eggnog is already in the fridge.

**Miss Kitty** · 12-20-2005, 07:58 PM

Originally Posted by Mermaid

My eggnog is already in the fridge.

oooh...I want some!

**Mermaid** · 12-20-2005, 08:10 PM

Originally Posted by Sueshore

oooh...I want some!

I have to admit, Miss Kitty, that I love eggnog but after that "History of Eggnog" cartoon that KathyDwells posted (with the cow guzzling rum and peeing into the punchbowl at the same time the chicken's spitting eggs out of her bottom) I drink it with trepidation!

**peapod1980** · 12-20-2005, 08:30 PM

Originally Posted by Mermaid

My eggnog is already in the fridge.

I bought mine on the same shopping excursion as the marshmallow topping and red wine...oy!

**Miss Kitty** · 12-20-2005, 10:16 PM

Originally Posted by peapod1980

I bought mine on the same shopping excursion as the marshmallow topping and red wine...oy!

pea...you are sure living the good life lately!!!!

DD · 12-20-2005, 10:39 PM

I love this! Especially the one about not exercising!

**Miss Kitty** · 12-21-2005, 04:24 AM

Originally Posted by destindreamin

I love this! Especially the one about not exercising!

Oh yes...wait until you have nothing else to do!!!!

**skippertoo** · 12-21-2005, 05:40 AM

Good stuff Mermaid !

**audie** · 12-21-2005, 06:00 AM

you are a woman after my own heart !!!!!

**Paula** · 12-21-2005, 06:13 AM

"Life should NOT be
a journey to the
grave
with the intention of arriving safely in an
attractive and well
preserved
body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in
one hand, martini in
the
other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and
screaming "WOO HOO what
a ride!"

Mermaid: I love this quote. It's a good reminder as we start a New Year. Thanks, Paula

**newyorker** · 12-21-2005, 08:49 PM

Mermaid: I love your quote! And I love eggnog (Vegetarian Epicure cookbook has a wonderful recipe I've used for years--that cookbook dates me I know).
But I also like fruitcake...good fruitcake, with good preserved fruit, really good pecans, and lots of booze.
Happy eating!

**Chickpea** · 12-21-2005, 08:55 PM

[QUOTE=Paula]"Life should NOT be
a journey to the
grave
with the intention of arriving safely in an
attractive and well
preserved
body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in
one hand, martini in
the
other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and
screaming "WOO HOO what
a ride!"

Paula,
This is one of the best quotes I have ever read - it just made its way to all my girlfriends!!!!! Thanks