Daddy

[Cheering472]

I've been (and will be) off the board a bit lately. My dad has been fighting pancreatic cancer. He's in the hospital now and it's much worse than we thought. He's been through chemo and radiation, but it's back with a vengence. I'll be visiting you all for my daily smile, but won't be here long.

I can't imagine a world without daddy in it. We could lose him very quickly if they don't get the sepsis under control. They are talking in terms of weeks now unless he steps up with more invasive chemo options. I think he's done with that, but he may decide to fight it a bit longer. For the prayerful among you, please remember him. We've resigned ourselves that we will lose this fight, but want him to be at peace and not to endure any more pain or fear than needs be. I appreciate any good thoughts or prayers for Daddy, my children (and myself too please). Okay, my keyboard is literally wet from my blubbering and spelling may be nasty, sorry. I'm off to paste a smile on and back to the hospital. Y'all play nice. I'll see you in a day or two. If you still have your father, call him today and tell him how wonderful he is.

[Ocean Lover]

I will certainly keep you all in prayer. Hang in there. I'm also going to call my Dad today. Thanks for the remiinder.

[RiverOtter]

Very sorry to hear this. Good luck and we'll be praying for your family.

[Miss Kitty]

I am so sorry my friend. I see that you are blessed with a DADDY, too. We are the lucky ones to have that special relationship. I am sending prayers and good thoughts to all. Please keep us posted as you can.

[audie]

cheering - i am sooo sorry for you and will keep you in my thoughts. my pop has a bum ticker, has already had one heart attack plus diabetes, and just had to have more stents put in last week. i know somewhat what you are going thru, so if you need to talk or anything please pm me - i am usually around or not too far. and i do try to either talk or email my parents every day. knowing that no one can live forever doesn't make it any easier does it ? take care my friend

[iwishiwasthere]

You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Having lost my Daddy to cancer, I understand the difficulty you are having. Enjoy each moment and think of good things....it helps. Just live in the moment. Take care of yourself during this time as it is easy to neglect yourself. May you feel God's arms wrapped around you, holding you each moment of this journey.

[kathydwells]

Lynne, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. God bless all of you. Our daddy's are special, I know. Please know that you will be in everyone's thoughts as you and your family go through this difficult time. Come here when you can for some relief. Take Care.

[TooFarTampa]

Lynne, what a moving post. I'm sure your dad knows how much you love him, and that is all that matters. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

[Johnrudy]

Cheering,
I'm so sorry to hear about your Daddy. You will be in my thoughts and prayers & know that you have friends that care. Take care of yourself too.
My dad is gone but I think of him every day. Keep us posted.

[Sheila]

You and your family are definetly in my thoughts and prayers. Daddy's are indeed very special people.

[Beachlover2]

Lynne,

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I lost my father to cancer almost eight years ago and still think about him everyday. I had spent 90% of my life calling him Dad and when he was very ill I just started calling him Daddy. I guess the thought of losing him brought the little girl in me back.

Miracles do happen though - so I will pray for one for your Daddy.

[seagrovelover]

Lynne, I will be praying for you and your family...what a tough thing to be going through. I lost my daddy when I was only 30 so I can understand your pain. I pray that he will not have to suffer and that he has peace and comfort.
god bless

[dbuck]

Lynne, I am so sorry to hear about your daddy. I will keep your dad, you and your family in my prayers. I lost my daddy 7 yrs ago to cancer (he was only 57) and even though we knew it was inevitable, we are never ready. Take care.

[Cheering472]

Thank you all for the kind words and especially the prayers. Daddy was stable last night when I left, he's in fair spirits and is still worrying about us instead of himself. (Typical for him) I have to run, want to be there when the doctor comes, but thank you all for your kindness. Funny how close you feel to me. I will be visiting here sometime over the weekend, this is a wonderful place to escape. Talk to you all soon.

[audie]

Thank you all for the kind words and especially the prayers. Daddy was stable last night when I left, he's in fair spirits and is still worrying about us instead of himself. (Typical for him) I have to run, want to be there when the doctor comes, but thank you all for your kindness. Funny how close you feel to me. I will be visiting here sometime over the weekend, this is a wonderful place to escape. Talk to you all soon.

glad to hear the encouraging news - we;ll be thinking of you !

[Sheila]

Thank you all for the kind words and especially the prayers. Daddy was stable last night when I left, he's in fair spirits and is still worrying about us instead of himself. (Typical for him) I have to run, want to be there when the doctor comes, but thank you all for your kindness. Funny how close you feel to me. I will be visiting here sometime over the weekend, this is a wonderful place to escape. Talk to you all soon.

Thank you for checking in. Glad to hear your Dad is stable. Hope he has a good day today. Sending lots of love and positive thoughts your way.

[Miss Kitty]

He is a Daddy, worrying about y'all instead of himself. Give him a hug from us today. And give yourself one as well.

[Allifunn]

God bless, Cheering...what a difficult thing to be going through! I know the main thing is no more suffreing..that is the most heart rendering part for patient and familly. You all are in my thoughts. Don't forget to take care of yourself, too.

[whiteyfunn]

You are in my thoughts and prayers Cheering!

[njackie]

I am now crying too, my precious Dad is also dying of cancer, he has undergone all the chemo and radiation that is possible. He was diagnosed over Christmas break, my sister called me in Grayton Corners, with esphoical (sp) cancer which had also spread to his lymph nodes and we did not even know he was sick! But the cancer was detected through a scope. Everything we think we have except for our families seems so foolish now. What seemed important really was not. I wish you so many prayers and remember me too. We are blessed with good Dads, who loved their families and came home every night! We must never forget that either!

[Sheila]

I am now crying too, my precious Dad is also dying of cancer, he has undergone all the chemo and radiation that is possible. He was diagnosed over Christmas break, my sister called me in Grayton Corners, with esphoical (sp) cancer which had also spread to his lymph nodes and we did not even know he was sick! But the cancer was detected through a scope. Everything we think we have except for our families seems so foolish now. What seemed important really was not. I wish you so many prayers and remember me too. We are blessed with good Dads, who loved their families and came home every night! We must never forget that either!

Njackie, bless your heart and your sweet Daddy too. I lost my Dad in 2002. I still pick up the phone to call him. I will keep you in and your family in my thoughts and prayers along with Lynne and her family. You are right. Family is everything.

[TooFarTampa]

Njackie, I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through. My dad is still alive and healthy but I have had a similar experience -- my 39 yo brother in law died of lung cancer in February, a year after he was diagnosed, leaving behind a wife and two small children. It was a horrible experience but it does teach you that family is more important than anything.

I bring this up because I wanted to tell you and Cheering about what we did for my brother in law, in hopes it could be an idea that might appeal to you. Around Thanksgiving, knowing his brother probably didn't have much time left, my husband and I decided to put together a memory book for him. John was a true character and we got the idea to ask friends and family for their best and funniest stories about him. We put together an 82-page book in four weeks, scanned in a ton of color photos, published it in Word, had it bound at Kinkos, and presented it to him on Christmas Day.

I cannot emphasize enough what a wonderful gift this was -- and not just for John. It was a cathartic experience for all of us to put our best memories down on paper while he was able to read them, knowing that we were all able to show him how much we loved him. Because in the end it was all we could do.

The book was also a big hit at his funeral and, perhaps most importantly, will serve as a concrete record for his children, who are so young they are unlikely to have any memories of him at all.

Anyway, it doesn't have to be 82 pages or even remotely elaborate, but if you have the ability and your fathers are well enough to read them, it might be something that could help all of you feel a bit better. Happy memories are always worth reviewing, but even more so at a time like this.

[Sheila]

Njackie, I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through. My dad is still alive and healthy but I have had a similar experience -- my 39 yo brother in law died of lung cancer in February, a year after he was diagnosed, leaving behind a wife and two small children. It was a horrible experience but it does teach you that family is more important than anything.

I bring this up because I wanted to tell you and Cheering about what we did for my brother in law, in hopes it could be an idea that might appeal to you. Around Thanksgiving, knowing his brother probably didn't have much time left, my husband and I decided to put together a memory book for him. John was a true character and we got the idea to ask friends and family for their best and funniest stories about him. We put together an 82-page book in four weeks, scanned in a ton of color photos, published it in Word, had it bound at Kinkos, and presented it to him on Christmas Day.

I cannot emphasize enough what a wonderful gift this was -- and not just for John. It was a cathartic experience for all of us to put our best memories down on paper while he was able to read them, knowing that we were all able to show him how much we loved him. Because in the end it was all we could do.

The book was also a big hit at his funeral and, perhaps most importantly, will serve as a concrete record for his children, who are so young they are unlikely to have any memories of him at all.

Anyway, it doesn't have to be 82 pages or even remotely elaborate, but if you have the ability and your fathers are well enough to read them, it might be something that could help all of you feel a bit better. Happy memories are always worth reviewing, but even more so at a time like this.

TFT, what a great idea! I know your sister-in-law and the children will treasure that book forever.

[ktschris]

We will be praying for you and your family, please keep us posted.

[audie]

I am now crying too, my precious Dad is also dying of cancer, he has undergone all the chemo and radiation that is possible. He was diagnosed over Christmas break, my sister called me in Grayton Corners, with esphoical (sp) cancer which had also spread to his lymph nodes and we did not even know he was sick! But the cancer was detected through a scope. Everything we think we have except for our families seems so foolish now. What seemed important really was not. I wish you so many prayers and remember me too. We are blessed with good Dads, who loved their families and came home every night! We must never forget that either!

so sorry to hear about your daddy too - you and your family will also be in my thoughts...

[audie]

Njackie, I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through. My dad is still alive and healthy but I have had a similar experience -- my 39 yo brother in law died of lung cancer in February, a year after he was diagnosed, leaving behind a wife and two small children. It was a horrible experience but it does teach you that family is more important than anything.

I bring this up because I wanted to tell you and Cheering about what we did for my brother in law, in hopes it could be an idea that might appeal to you. Around Thanksgiving, knowing his brother probably didn't have much time left, my husband and I decided to put together a memory book for him. John was a true character and we got the idea to ask friends and family for their best and funniest stories about him. We put together an 82-page book in four weeks, scanned in a ton of color photos, published it in Word, had it bound at Kinkos, and presented it to him on Christmas Day.

I cannot emphasize enough what a wonderful gift this was -- and not just for John. It was a cathartic experience for all of us to put our best memories down on paper while he was able to read them, knowing that we were all able to show him how much we loved him. Because in the end it was all we could do.

The book was also a big hit at his funeral and, perhaps most importantly, will serve as a concrete record for his children, who are so young they are unlikely to have any memories of him at all.

Anyway, it doesn't have to be 82 pages or even remotely elaborate, but if you have the ability and your fathers are well enough to read them, it might be something that could help all of you feel a bit better. Happy memories are always worth reviewing, but even more so at a time like this.

this is a very neat idea, not just for situations like this, but for any time, to remind someone they are special in our lives. i can't wait to see my dad tonight and give him (and mom) a big giant hug !

[Teresa]

Cheering - thank you for sharing with your friends at sowal. we will all be thinking of you and sending thoughts of support your way.

[Jdarg]

I love the memory book idea! I wish we had thought of that, especially since my dad spent his last 6 months sitting on the couch with boxes of pictures and mementos. I wish I had organized them for him! At least I have his video of the Gulf taken from Grayton Beach in 1997- he set the camera on the sand facing out over the water, and forgot to turn it off. It's actually very soothing to watch the waves gently breaking, and funny because it was so typical of my dad (he probably couldn't figure out how to turn it off, so he just set it down!)

Everybody probably already knows this, but I didn't learn it until my "Daddy" died in 1998. There will be a turning point in grief where the laughter and fun memories will override the sadness. There will still be sad days and weeks and months, but at some point you realize that when you think of that person, you are laughing or smiling more than crying. And I am instantly happy when I run into one of his friends or aquaintances and they say a kind word about him or share a funny story- even 8 years later. It makes my day. So I try to do that when I am talking to someone who has lost a loved one, whether recently or in the past.

[Paula]

Dear Cheering:

I'm sorry to hear about your father's struggle. I will certainly be sending prayers not only for your daddy, but for you and the others who are close to your daddy to have strength as well. We lost my mom to cancer 3 years ago and to this day I still look to the time we took care of her (with my 2 sisters) as one of the most important (and most precious) times of my life. Here's what we learned that I think you'd appreciate (other than appreciating your father and honoring him now and forever).

My sisters and I all read the wonderful book, Final Gifts, by Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelley, as we were caring for my mom and it was the most uplifting and helpful book during a time of need. It is written by two hospice nurses that give insight into the final stages of life. For example, they talk about what's going on with the person not only physically but spiritually and what caretakers/family/friends can learn from the person (the final teaching -- even if not through words -- is one of the final gifts the person gives us). Because of that book, despite the pain of losing our mom, I felt truly uplifted at the time and today by the experience of being able to be a caring witness to my mom's passing and honoring her and learning from the experience. To be able to be present as someone you love passes on is truly a loving gift you give to that person and they give to you (painful as it is).

Take very, very good care of yourself. Spoil yourself. Go out to dinner or get great take-out or delivery food with people you love or by yourself. You will need your strength and energy. And you deserve to be very well taken-care of. This is not a time to deprive yourself. If your daddy's in the hospital, have very special snacks for you and the people who visit. This will help you remember to celebrate your daddy and think sweet thoughts and share memories. My mom was cared for at home during the final stages of her life and, though my sisters and I went out to dinner a lot, I do remember always feeling hungry when I was in my mom's house because I didn't take time to go grocery shopping. I would have done that differently and I have no idea why I didn't do it then (I think I was busy with other things -- so, if anyone asks you how they can help, ask them to bring you some good food or groceries!)

If your daddy is a religious man, connect him to his religion through whatever traditions/ceremonies are offered when someone is so ill. My mom was Catholic and a friend of mine reminded us to be sure to have the priest come over to say the prayers for the sick.

If you can, you may want to get someone to help with basic care or whatever support you need so that you can focus on the "honoring" of your daddy.

As was already said, creating a memory book of photos is wonderful. Our daughters (who were then ages 9 and 11) and our niece (age 14) made a memory book. It was about my mom seen through their eyes. As you can imagine, we have that memory book at home and oh is it special and boy does it get read and reread.

Most of all, remember that you are honoring your daddy and participating in one of life's most precious transition (though saddest for us). So, be gentle with yourself in every way because what you are going through is truly special and honorable.

And please let us know how things are going if you have time.

With all the support I can send you,
Paula

[Sheila]

I love the memory book idea! I wish we had thought of that, especially since my dad spent his last 6 months sitting on the couch with boxes of pictures and mementos. I wish I had organized them for him! At least I have his video of the Gulf taken from Grayton Beach in 1997- he set the camera on the sand facing out over the water, and forgot to turn it off. It's actually very soothing to watch the waves gently breaking, and funny because it was so typical of my dad (he probably couldn't figure out how to turn it off, so he just set it down!)

Everybody probably already knows this, but I didn't learn it until my "Daddy" died in 1998. There will be a turning point in grief where the laughter and fun memories will override the sadness. There will still be sad days and weeks and months, but at some point you realize that when you think of that person, you are laughing or smiling more than crying. And I am instantly happy when I run into one of his friends or aquaintances and they say a kind word about him or share a funny story- even 8 years later. It makes my day. So I try to do that when I am talking to someone who has lost a loved one, whether recently or in the past.

Jdarg, you are so right. It took me quite a while to get to the 2nd stage. But, I did get there. There are times now when I am holding baby Camden and I get so sad. I know how much Daddy would have loved that little boy. GTTBD sometimes catches me, he always assures me my Daddy is watching over us all still.

[Rita]

Lynne and njackie,

Prayers and hugs around from Texas. It's hard, but what jdarg describes is what I went through with my dad. I also had a period of guilt stuck in there when I realized I had stopped thinking of him with every little thing. I was afraid I was forgeting about him... . Didn't happen, things just smoothed out more.

Your fathers sound like wonderful family people and are lucky to be surrounded by family like you.

[peapod1980]

I've been (and will be) off the board a bit lately. My dad has been fighting For the prayerful among you, please remember him. We've resigned ourselves that we will lose this fight, but want him to be at peace and not to endure any more pain or fear than needs be. I appreciate any good thoughts or prayers for Daddy, my children (and myself too please).

Lynne--prayers and virtual hugs to you, friend.
I'm so sorry to hear this and for this difficult time you and your family are going through.

[njackie]

Thank you so much for all the prayers and kind words from this board, I always mainly lurked on the real estate part! Cheering, my mom and I are praying for you and your family too. I just got home tonight from north MO only because I have to go to work tomorrow. My physically great big Daddy is now a tiny little guy, whom I never realized was so brave and spiritually huge. I am such a whussie person to be acting this way! Love you all and we did just sell one condo in Seagrove and it was fine, I have trouble understanding the negativity of the real estate part of the board. We kept our larger condo because we always want to be a part of Seagrove and 30A.

[newyorker]

Lynne:
our family's prayers are with you and your family. I lost my father when I was only 16, and my husband's dad died 30 years ago. We still mourn them. My aunt died of pancreatic cancer--it does not have to be a painful or awful death--she was home, and my cousin (a world class flutist) played for her mother for days. Aunt Beth died peacefully with her family beside her, and my cousin playing the flute. Painkillers are meant for this sort of thing, and hospice people can be very helpful.

Nonetheless, this is a hard time for you. Take care of yourself first--and know that your friends on this board are sending good thoughts and God's love your way.

[Allifunn]

Thank you so much for all the prayers and kind words from this board, I always mainly lurked on the real estate part! Cheering, my mom and I are praying for you and your family too. I just got home tonight from north MO only because I have to go to work tomorrow. My physically great big Daddy is now a tiny little guy, whom I never realized was so brave and spiritually huge. I am such a whussie person to be acting this way! Love you all and we did just sell one condo in Seagrove and it was fine, I have trouble understanding the negativity of the real estate part of the board. We kept our larger condo because we always want to be a part of Seagrove and 30A.

stay in the positive lounge my dear lady!!! god bless you and your family!!

[Miss Kitty]

Lynne and njackie...peace be with you both at this difficult time.

[Cil]

::sending positive thoughts to Cheering and njackie::

I've been : lost my dad, stepdad and my FIL to cancer.

The memory book idea is wonderful. Things happened too fast with my dad and stepdad, but we were able to do something like that for FIL.

All of Paula's ideas are very good. I think this one is worth repeating:

Most of all, remember that you are honoring your daddy and participating in one of life's most precious transition (though saddest for us). So, be gentle with yourself in every way because what you are going through is truly special and honorable.

lots of hugs to you

[Cheering472]

You are all so amazing. What great ideas, thank each and every one of you. Njackie my prayers are also with you, it is a horrible time, but I know God is always with us. Lean on His promises and feel His love. I hope you have comfort from this board and your family. I can't tell you how uplifted I feel today because of everyones comments, suggestions, well wishes and prayers. I am getting right on the memory book and I am going to the buy the book Paula mentioned. There really aren't words to express how all your posts have helped, but I am truly touched.

So we made it through the weekend. Daddy is in a hospital downtown. This weekend 800,000 people decended on the city for the Derby festival fireworks and airshow. Traffic was a bit ugly so I camped out overnight. Daddy received several units of blood, his fever is staying down and they were able to pull almost 2 liters of nasty off his belly. This made him a bit more comfortable and he wants to take the aggressive route and do the chemo. One oncologist supports that, the other doesn't. Daddy wants to be here for his granddaughters wedding in October. One of his doctors told me he might get 2 maybe 3 months from the chemo, not 6. He thinks it's time to stop. But Daddy wants to try to be at the wedding, so the fight is on. God love him, he's a stubborn thing. We (my sisters and brother) do know that
2-3 months is very optimistic but without the chemo he will be gone in 2-3 weeks. He wants to try, so we try.

Please know how often I wish I could get on this board when I'm at the hospital and need a break. I can feel the love each of you have for your dad and your comments have been wonderful to read. Thanks again. I had to come into work today for a while. I'm going to check out some other more funn posts and get some work done while I laugh at y'all. I'll keep you all posted.

[ShallowsNole]

Cheering, I stumbled upon your thread a bit late, but I too offer prayers for your daddy - and you and your family, whatever the outcome may finally be.

Both of my parents are gone - my dad 22 years ago and almost 15 for my mom. I believe with every ounce of my being that they are in eternity with the Lord, but I still get sad, especially when I look at pictures, or I see my great-nephew (the little guy in my 'tar) or my great-nieces, who would have been their great-grandchildren...I try to tell folks to appreciate your parents, because you just never know...

Take care of yourself and your Daddy too.

[Sheila]

You are all so amazing. What great ideas, thank each and every one of you. Njackie my prayers are also with you, it is a horrible time, but I know God is always with us. Lean on His promises and feel His love. I hope you have comfort from this board and your family. I can't tell you how uplifted I feel today because of everyones comments, suggestions, well wishes and prayers. I am getting right on the memory book and I am going to the buy the book Paula mentioned. There really aren't words to express how all your posts have helped, but I am truly touched.

So we made it through the weekend. Daddy is in a hospital downtown. This weekend 800,000 people decended on the city for the Derby festival fireworks and airshow. Traffic was a bit ugly so I camped out overnight. Daddy received several units of blood, his fever is staying down and they were able to pull almost 2 liters of nasty off his belly. This made him a bit more comfortable and he wants to take the aggressive route and do the chemo. One oncologist supports that, the other doesn't. Daddy wants to be here for his granddaughters wedding in October. One of his doctors told me he might get 2 maybe 3 months from the chemo, not 6. He thinks it's time to stop. But Daddy wants to try to be at the wedding, so the fight is on. God love him, he's a stubborn thing. We (my sisters and brother) do know that
2-3 months is very optimistic but without the chemo he will be gone in 2-3 weeks. He wants to try, so we try.

Please know how often I wish I could get on this board when I'm at the hospital and need a break. I can feel the love each of you have for your dad and your comments have been wonderful to read. Thanks again. I had to come into work today for a while. I'm going to check out some other more funn posts and get some work done while I laugh at y'all. I'll keep you all posted.

So glad you checked in Lynne. God bless your Daddy for wanting to be at that wedding. The human spirit is an amazing thing. I pray that your Daddy will be at that wedding and gets a little spin around the dance floor with the bride.

Sending love, hope , and prayers your way.

[Mermaid]

Such a sad post. I love my parents very much and I can't even imagine the heartbreak of losing either of them, though I know of course that it's inevitable one of these days. My heart aches for you! I send you my prayers and best hopes. And I wish you courage to deal with what you must.

[Jdarg]

Lynn, I waved at you from the Extreme Park on Saturday. It was extreme.

There are quite a few newer threads that should put a grin on your face.


Don't forget about my offer---

[Paula]

Lynn:

Good for your daddy to want to get to the wedding! Hang in there. Our thoughts continue to be with you and your family.

[TooFarTampa]

Lynne, thanks for checking in. My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you and your dear daddy.

I think it is wonderful that he has a goal, and great that you are all being supportive and helping him meet it. Because you truly never know. Is there someone in your family doing the due diligence on this disease? The internet is chock full of scholarly article references and recent news about various cancer treatments. You just have to sift carefully.

The important thing to remember is that none of these doctors is all-knowing, and it is necessary for someone who can keep a clear head to serve as a "patient advocate." I'm not saying the doctors are going to be wrong, but when it comes to chemotherapy, there are a number of different treatments and it is extremely important for someone in the family to have a good handle on what has been selected and why. This may take a lot of reading.

It is also important to know that even if your dear dad is not tolerating the first kind of chemo, there are second- and even third-line options. Pancreatic cancer is brutal, and there is currently no cure once it has metastasized, however there are newer chemotherapy-like drugs called Avastin and Tarceva (sometimes taken together when insurance covers it -- they are very very expensive!!) that are easily tolerated and can extend life. They may or may not work for your dad, but they also may be worth trying if he is responding at all to conventional treatment.

Whatever he ends up starting with, be sure to read up on the side effects, as they can be severe. Platinum-based chemotherapies, for example, can often cause permanent hearing loss. It is something to prepare for in addition to everything else. Cancer treatment is a fearsome journey, and a logistical nightmare, but it doesn't have to be unbearable.

Best of luck to all of you as you go through this difficult time. And I want to second Paula's reference to hospice. If at any time your dad decides to decline treatment, the very first call I would make is to hospice. They are flat-out wonderful people, not just in providing services to the terminally ill but in giving information and comfort to the families. True angels on earth IMO.

[seagrovelover]

Lynne, If your Daddy wants to make it to that wedding, chances are he will. The will power of a person in that situation can be amazing......god bless him. And NEVER give up hope!!!!!!!!