The Roles of Husbands and Wives

[gundee123]

Here's some more fodder for discussion...

http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory?id=3161352
U.S. Divorce Rate Lowest Since 1970


U.S. Divorce Rate Falls to Lowest Level Since 1970; Experts Differ Over Why




The Associated Press
By DAVID CRARY AP National Writer
NEW YORK May 10, 2007 (AP)

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By the numbers, divorce just isn't what it used to be.
Despite the common notion that America remains plagued by a divorce epidemic, the national per capita divorce rate has declined steadily since its peak in 1981 and is now at its lowest level since 1970....(cont)

Thank you for passing along the internet web site. I read the complete link and found that experts disagree about the cause of the decline, i.e., opting to cohabitate instead of getting married, more highly educated, waiting longer to get married, etc. If I may, I would like to pass along another web site that you might want to view: http://www.divorcerate.org/ . Thank you again for sharing the information.

 

[gundee123]

Interesting article BSiO2. I especially liked the following quote:Stephanie Coontz, who teaches history and family studies at Evergreen State College in Olympia, Wash., says divorces are dropping in the college-educated sector because many spouses "are learning how to negotiate marriages based on less rigid gender roles than in the past." In our marriage it is definitely all about give and take. If we had a marriage czar I know that neither one of us would have wanted to make it past our first anniversary. As it is, we will be celebrating our 32ond anniversary this summer and we are just as excited to be with each other now as when we were kids. :clap_1:

Thank you for comments. I also wanted to take the opportunity to say congratulations on your 32nd anniversary. If I may add, you and your spouse most definitely have discovered the formula for a succesful marriage. Congratulations again.

 

[Miss Kitty]

...broken record

 

[Chickpea]

From a Biblical perspective ... Adam and Eve were given a garden to take care of. After the fall they lost that job and things got ugly.

My wife and I decided we'd try the original plan, although we don't have a garden. We got married in '91 and quit our jobs in '95 so we could spend the rest of our married life working as a team and hanging out together. It's been an awesome ride. I've known some couples that can't handle being around each other, but we rather enjoy it. It's not as odd these days as it was in the past, but we've never had tv in our home. I think that's been a great plus! It forces us to be creative with our time, and we definitely like to keep busy.

We never think about roles, we just work as a team. We don't have a bread winner, we make the bread together. We each have our skills, strengths, weaknesses, quirks, etc.

I love reading this....:clap_1: :clap_1: it is the same with us - do not think of roles or leaders - just a true partnership and building a life together. People always always ask me, "don't you go crazy being with your husband all the time???". I do not at all - I get thrills and giggles (as a friaend puts it) from working and living with him. I totally respect the fact that our reality is not for everyone and some couples are stronger apart but not us.

Continued success in your marriage!

 

[Chickpea]

I would give anything if my wife didn't have to work (she can't as she makes more than me). I say this not because I want her more domesticated, but because I don't like daycare. Matter fact, I abhor it.

Hey JB,
First day I dropped off my 3 year old at daycare I burst into tears - she on the other hand happily and immediately started socializing - I called my mum (who I adore and was an amazing stay at home mother) and told her how ambilvalent I felt - she had the best advice for me. She told me that I would have children who would grow up having a mum who loved her work and that this would be a powerful tool in the education of our girls.

All this to say to each their own - I respect decisions other couples make with respect to working and daycare or having one person stay at home but one needs to find their own balance for that. I am very lucky because neither one of my girls has ever ever cried when I dropped them off - would have been insanely hard if that was the case but for whatever reason they never did. I take no credit for this - just happened that way and luckily both are girls are happy and healthy - would it have been different if I had stayed at home??? I give that no thought because it is pointless and because they are seemingly thriving.

I also at times hear people say "If i worked then all of my salary would go to paying for childcare and what is the point of that - I would rather stay at home then and look after the kids" -that argument works well for many people and makes their decision easy but for me personally my work has nothing to do with money - I work because I enjoy it, because it makes me feel good and I feel I need it and am stronger for it. And I think it will be great for my kids to see this and hopefully instill in them a passion for something they can also cultivate.

Thanks

 

[Jdarg]

Chickpea- thanks for another rockin' post! :clap_1: A voice of sanity!

 

[Chickpea]

Chickpea- thanks for another rockin' post! :clap_1: A voice of sanity!

Hey Jdarg,
Thanks for your kind comments - I do want to point out though that I know plenty of women who think that staying at home with her children and raising them is the MOST rewarding work they can do - and they gladly do it - not out of a sense of self-sacrifice but because they consider it truely a measure of personal fulfillment - and that is admirable.

This issue to me is like the one of sharing your bed with your young children or encouraging/forcing them (whatever one choses) to sleep in their own beds, picking them up if they cry as infants, giving or not giving a pacifier, and the list goes on and on...... AS if there is a right answer!!! To each his and her own way of doing things makes sense and works -does not mean everybody has to follow along or they are wrong!!!

 

[gundee123]

Hey Jdarg,
Thanks for your kind comments - I do want to point out though that I know plenty of women who think that staying at home with her children and raising them is the MOST rewarding work they can do - and they gladly do it - not out of a sense of self-sacrifice but because they consider it truely a measure of personal fulfillment - and that is admirable.

This issue to me is like the one of sharing your bed with your young children or encouraging/forcing them (whatever one choses) to sleep in their own beds, picking them up if they cry as infants, giving or not giving a pacifier, and the list goes on and on...... AS if there is a right answer!!! To each his and her own way of doing things makes sense and works -does not mean everybody has to follow along or they are wrong!!!

Thank you for sharing your point of view. I think that you're right on point.

If I may ask, "Do you think that your comments address the issue I raised in paragraph 3 of post #3?" Again, thank you for your insightful comments.

 

[Chickpea]

Thank you for sharing your point of view. I think that you're right on point.

If I may ask, "Do you think that your comments address the issue I raised in paragraph 3 of post #3?" Again, thank you for your insightful comments.

Gundee,

Do you mean this quote: I have learned that there is no one size fits all when it comes to getting married in this new millineum. Nonetheless, there are some things that probably should be known up front, agreed to, and respected by both the husband and wife, i.e., who will be the ultimate decision maker (role), what will each be responsible for individually, and how will the couple reconcile their differences.


I agree there is no "one size fits all" in today's marriage - but with respect to the rest of the paragraph - if this is indeed your question, then I respectfully disagree - maybe that is too strong a word and I just see things differently. Mostly it is that, in my marriage there was and currently is, no way of knowing what type of challenges and hurdles and joys we will have to grapple with in the future so there just is no way to prepare for this by discussing them. When we have obstacles to overcome we just talk together and try reach consensus - at times I compromise, at times he does - and at others we reach happy medium. There is no ultimate decision maker and we are both perfectly happy with this.

And we reconcile our differences the old fashioned way - we talk, respect the other's position and no-one asserts their will on the other. Full stop, period! Make sense?

 

[Dinf]

Thank you for your comments. I have been too thinking about marriages and what makes them fail. I think people have to work to hard and they do not have time to spare for themself or the kids and that breaks down the family and so does not having money. People are to stressed and get mad at each other. If the wife would stay home, at least one person in the marriage wouldn't be stressed and she could help calm down the man from a busy day at the office by cooking dinner for him and appreiciating his hard work for the family.