The Pain revisited....then the peace that follows

[ItzKatzTime]

These past days have been rough. I am drained. Today was Doug's Father's funeral. His name was Daniel. He had planned everything down to the meal we would all eat together afterwards. It was his way of taking care of us even after he had left. The priest said that he worried about what to say about Dan all morning, as Dan was a man who planned everything ahead of time. He said that sometime during his pacing he felt a peace come over him and he heard Dan's voice say to him not to worry that everything was okay and to just speak from his heart. Dan had taken care of even the priest.

I DO NOT KNOW HOW DOUG is doing it, but he went down and opened the cafe....in his own way taking care of those who come in to dine tonight. I hear it is very busy...and with me not there they are short handed!!! I am on the couch under a quilt with my son and daughter. I feel like the bottom of a cloud has been ripped open and I am drenched in tears....mine and a whole community's.

I miss my own Mother and younger sister who died two years ago. I miss my little baby boy, who died when he was three days old, and I miss a fiancee that was murdered three months before I moved to Grayton back in 1989. I haven't cried like this in a long time. Not even at my own mother's funeral....as I had to be the strong one. Actually, I always have to be the strong one in my family. But today, I didn't have to be strong....and it showed. A pain was revisited that I thought I wouldn't have to go through again, but I was wrong. Time does help, but it never heals. At least that's what I experienced today.

Now, I wait for the peace that follows this kind of pain. Thank God for those who are strong right now for others....you are so needed by those in your life that cannot be strong right now. God bless all of you who have sent your words of strength, kindness, comfort, and love to me and Doug. Being able to share with you all has been a such a blessing.

Sorry to cry on so many shoulders tonight....but actually it takes a lot of shoulders to carry these tears. If any of you were dining with us tonight I pray all went well.

Much Love
Kathy

 

[Miss Kitty]

I think all that crying is good for your soul. I wish I was there to hold the box of klennex for you.

 

[Destiny]

May God Bless you and your family to overcome the sorrow you are feeling. I hope you will have bright days ahead as you will always have good memories.
Blessings to you and yours.

 

[Beachmom]

K-
There are no words to take away your pain, but you are very right in that there are many shoulders to share it with. Cry and know that tomorrow that beautiful sun will come up to a new and brighter day. There has been so much saddness here in the last few weeks, but so much love has shown through it all.....

 

[DBOldford]

Kathy, I am thinking about you and Doug tonight. I hope that you will soon have some peace around all of this. Our SoWal community has had a really difficult week, haven't we? The loss of IBD's family in the plane crash, Tommy Sholes, and Doug's dad. There is no way to understand this sort of thing. Tears are good because they help cleanse one's soul. Be good to yourself and know that your friends are thinking of you and are there for you in whatever way suits. Look forward to seeing you in the next few days. Donna

 

[InletBchDweller]

Kathy and Doug,
I cant wait to come and hug ya'lls neck..... (and eat good cajun food);-)

I know what you are going through.....

 

[drunkkenartist]

Kathy,
It has been just over three years since I lost my own father. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about him. I miss him so much, sometimes its just unbearable. We had always been close but over the last several years developed that friendship that occurs when both father (80) and son (40) finally grow up and quit bickering.

One day I was talking to him on the phone, after he had just came back from the doctor with a clean bill of health; and two days later he died of a massive heart attack. I was dumbfounded. He lived on the other side of the country and it was nearly a year since I had seen him. That hurt.

Right after he died he came to me in a dream and said it was time for me to take the reigns, and that I would be just fine. To this day, I kid you not, he still comes to "visit", to remind me to get my oil changed in my car, or to remind me to call my mother and what not. Seriously. Cracks me up. I wake up from that dream knowing that my day is going to be just fine. Occasionally I will look in a mirror and see his eyes staring back. His mannerisms are flowing through me. I've even taken to clipping coupons. I've developed his laugh and his handwriting.

Parents don't die, they live on forever through you, as if you were possessed. Its a gift that I'm eternally greatful for; knowing that my dad, my best friend, is with me always. OK, now that I'm tearing up I have to quit typing, I can't see the screen! What you are going through now is perfectly natural, its OK. Doug also has to do what he has to do; as they say, the show must go on. Be there for each other, then take a deep breath and carry on.

Blessings,

Kenny

 

[DD]

Kathy, God love you and Doug. I too have been there, and everyone's right...just go with the tears--let 'em flow. My thoughts are with you all.

 

[Teresa]

oh kathy, you are experiencing such sorrow as you remember all of your loved ones that have gone from this life. We are thinking of you all, and thankful that you are with your children right now.

Thank you for telling us about Daniel and what he was like in life. He sounds just amazing.