So hard!
I just feel for those of us in this situation. I also feel for the parents. They are from the generation that does not like to ask for help. My father told the rehab/nursing home as he was released "I hope I die before I ever have to come back here". I heart just broke. I am of the sandwich generation. I have a 3, 8, and 11 year old and my 69 year old father at home. My mother-in-law was just diagnosed with dementia. I try to look at it as a blessing for my children. I have to tell myself several times a day to be patient, patient , patient!!! And this is how much we love Seagrove, we bring them both with us on vacation. That is dedication
I have never been around old folks either. This is an on-the-fly education for me.
Once we realized that Mom was "goofy", we hired a CNA to come in during the day to stay with her at her home. But one night she got up and fell. When the CNA arrived the next morning, Mom was on the floor. She had broken her hip, had to have surgery, was in the hospital for a week, and then in a rehab facility for several weeks. When rehab was over, we had already come to the conclusion that she couldn't be alone at night. Mother can afford to have 24/7 nursing care at home, but if a shift does a no-show, we're in a dilemma. Brother works thirty minutes away, I work an hour away, and sister is a plane ride away. There is no such thing as a substitute professor because no one anywhere nearby knows what I know, and classes can't be rescheduled because it's impossible to find an alternative time that works for everyone. Plus the class schedule is a legal contract with a student -- they or their parents are paying many thousands of dollars to take each of my classes, so I can't just do a no-show more than once or twice unless I personally am ill.
So we chose a small assisted-living facility. It is really nice, and we moved her furniture in so that she thinks she is at home.
Then in April she had an episode with a-fib and a huge blood clot. We were told that death was eminent. But the Heparin dissolved the clot, and she survived. We were told that she didn't have long to live, so we put her into hospice. She's a fighter -- she got too well for hospice,and we moved her to rehab and has been there since Memorial Day weekend. She can't carry on a conversation, but last week when I asked her if there was anything I could do for her (not expecting an answer), she said, "Get me out of this place." She knows she is in a nursing home, and I have to explain to her repeatedly that she is in this place so that she can get strong enough to move back "home" -- to assisted living. I tell you, it is heartbreaking whenever she has her random lucid moments and I have to explain what is happening to her. I think that by the end of this month, she will be strong enough to move back to her apartment at assisted living, but we will hire CNA's around the clock to give her extra care. After my grandmother was in a nursing home, Mom has said that she would rather be dead than in a nursing home. So by getting Mom out of the nursing home (necessary for her rehab), we will be respecting her wishes.
Again, I am here for you. PM me whenever.
I just feel for those of us in this situation. I also feel for the parents. They are from the generation that does not like to ask for help. My father told the rehab/nursing home as he was released "I hope I die before I ever have to come back here". I heart just broke. I am of the sandwich generation. I have a 3, 8, and 11 year old and my 69 year old father at home. My mother-in-law was just diagnosed with dementia. I try to look at it as a blessing for my children. I have to tell myself several times a day to be patient, patient , patient!!! And this is how much we love Seagrove, we bring them both with us on vacation. That is dedication
