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BooneHomes

Beach Crab
post one if you got one...no joke too cheesy!!!

The dream of the older generation was to pay off a mortgage. The dream of today's young families is to get one.

If you think no one cares you're alive, miss a couple of house payments.

My buyers went through debt consolidation. Now they have only one bill they won't pay.

If you want to know exactly where the property line is, just watch the neighbor cut the grass.

This country is great. It's the only place where you can borrow money for a down payment, get a 1st and 2nd mortgage and call yourself a homeowner.

The trouble with owning a home is that no matter where you sit, you're looking at something you should be doing.
 

Lake View Too

SoWal Insider
Nov 16, 2008
6,861
8,297
Eastern Lake
was that a typo, or Fruedian slip?
 

PalmBeach

Beach Lover
Feb 21, 2007
111
10
My buyer told me that he lived in the same house for 10 years. When I checked, I found out he'd still be there
today if the Governor hadn't pardoned him.

Why do you have your front door leading right into the dining room? So my relatives won't have to waste any
time.

The sellers told me their house was near the water. It was in the basement.

How much are they asking for your rent now? Oh, about twice a day.

I have a temporary mortgage. What do you mean temporary? Until they foreclose.

Realtor sign--We have "lots" to be thankful for.

Realtor: first you folks tell me what you can afford, then we'll have a good laugh and go on from there.

The dream of the older generation was to pay off a mortgage. The dream of today's young families is to get one.

There is no longer a need for the neutron bomb. We already have something that destroys people and leaves buildings intact. It's called a mortgage.

If you think no one cares you're alive, miss a couple of house payments.

My buyers went through debt consolidation. Now they have only one bill they won't pay.

I listed a maintenance free house. In the last 25 years there hasn't been any maintenance.

Did you hear about Robin Hood's house? It has a little John.

My agent was always smiling. I didn't think anybody could have that many teeth without being a barracuda.

If you want to know exactly where the property line is, just watch the neighbor cut the grass.

Houses today don't have enough closet space. Sure they do. They're just called guest bedrooms.

Trivia: The floors of buildings are called stories because early European builders used to paint picture stories on
the sides of their houses. Each floor had a different story.

A lot of homes have been spoiled by inferior desecrators.--Frank Lloyd Wright

I bought a two story house. One story before I bought, and another after.

The house is only 5 minutes from shopping . . .if you've got an airplane.

This country is great. It's the only place where you can borrow money for a downpayment, get a 1st and 2nd
mortgage and call yourself a homeowner.

Home is where the mortgage is.

A housewarming is the final call for those who haven't sent a wedding present

The best part of a real estate bargain is the neighbor.

The house was more covered with mortgages than with paint.

Home: A place when you go there they have to take you in.

Charity: A thing that begins at home and usually stays there.

A man's home is his castle. That's how it seems when he pays taxes on it.

Housebroke--What you are after buying a house.

Sign next to FSBO-We shoot every third agent and the 2nd one just left.

This house has every new convenience except low payments.

The trouble with owning a home is that no matter where you sit, you're looking at something you should be doing.

They have an all electric home. Everything in it is charged.

My buyers want a new home on the outskirts---of their income, that is.

A Happy Home is a place where each spouse entertains the possibility that the other may be right though neither
believes it.

By the time you pay for a home in the suburbs, it isn't.

A Modern home is a place where a switch controls everything but the kids, and it has gadgets to do everything
except make the payments.

The house has a wall to wall carpet and back to wall payment.

A typical home has a TV set that is adjusted better than the kids.

House problem: The oven is self-cleaning, but the kids aren't.

Our new house has one down payment and 240 darn payments.

Homesickness What you feel every month when the mortgage is due.
 

PalmBeach

Beach Lover
Feb 21, 2007
111
10
A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.

The lawyer replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds. What are you doing here?"

The doctor replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I had in Mississippi? Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds."

The lawyer looked puzzled. "Gee," he asked, "how did you start the flood?"
 

Matt J

SWGB
May 9, 2007
24,646
9,496
:lolabove:

These are the best prices I've seen in years.
Read: I get 3% and my Mercedes just died.
 

PalmBeach

Beach Lover
Feb 21, 2007
111
10
"I have to have a raise in my commission," the agent said to his broker. "There are three other companies after me."
"Is that so?" asked the manager. "What other companies are after you?"
"The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company."




An agent who was being paid by the week approached his broker and held up his last paycheck.
'This is two hundred dollars less than we agreed on,' he said.
'I know,' the manager said. 'But last week I overpaid you two hundred dollars, and you never complained.'
'Well, I don't mind an occasional mistake,' the agent answered, 'but when it gets to be a habit, I feel
I have to call it to your attention.'




A crusty old man walks into a real estate office and says to an female agent, "I want to sell my g@d d@#n house."

To which the astonished female agent replies, "I beg your pardon, sir; I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to sell my f*@&ing house!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this office."

So saying, the agent goes over to the broker to tell him about her situation. They both return and the broker asks the old geezer, "What seems to be the problem here?"

"There's no damn problem," the man says, "I want to sell my f*@&ing five million dollar home."

"I see," says the broker, "and this b!t@h is giving you a hard time?"




Salesman: This computer will cut your workload by 50%.
Real Estate Agent: That's great, I'll take two of them.




A broker was dismayed when a brand new real estate office much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read 'BEST AGENTS.' He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading 'LOWEST COMMISSIONS.' The broker panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own real estate office. It read: 'MAIN ENTRANCE'




A real estate agent walking along the beach found a bottle. When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared.
"I will grant you three wishes," announced the genie. "But since Satan still hates me, for every wish you make,
your rival gets the wish as well -- only double."

The real estate agent thought about this for a while. "For my first wish, I would like ten million dollars," he announced.
Instantly the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and assured the man that $10,000,000 had been deposited. "
But your rival has just received $20,000,000," the genie said.

"I've always wanted a Ferrari," the agent said.
Instantly a Ferrari appeared. "But your rival has just received two Ferraris," the genie said.
"And what is your last wish?"

"Well," said the salesman, "I've always wanted to donate a kidney for transplant."
 
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PalmBeach

Beach Lover
Feb 21, 2007
111
10
The Devil tells a Real Estate Agent, "Look, I can make you richer, more famous, and more successful than any Real Estate Agent alive. In fact, I can make you the greatest agent that ever lived."

"Well," says the Real Estate Agent, "what do I have to do in return?"

The Devil smiles, "Well, of course you have to give me your soul," he says, "but you also have to give me the souls of your children, the souls of your children's children and, as a matter of fact, you have to give me the souls of all your descendants throughout eternity."

"Wait a minute," the Real Estate Agent says cautiously, "What's the catch?"



Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their fathers are.
The first one says: "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow."

The second one says: "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet."

The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. He then says: "You two know nothing about fast. My father is a real estate agent. He stops working at 5:00 and he is home by 3:45!"
 

PalmBeach

Beach Lover
Feb 21, 2007
111
10
Einstien dies and goes to heaven. First person he see he asks, "Excuse me? What's your IQ"
The person replies, 280. Einstien says, great! We can talk about astro physics!
2nd person he runs into he asks the same question, what's your IQ?
The person replies, 150. Great! says Einstien, we can talk about events of the day!
3rd person he sees he once again asks about their IQ. This time the person says 45!
Einstiens says, Great! Where do you think the real estate market is headed??!!
 
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