Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only ma jor airline that has never, ever, had an accident. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
Replies
11
little sugar
As a former flight attendant I can fully appreciate this humor :clap_1:
SoWal Insider
I love an airline mechanic with a sense of humor! :floor:
picky
Merman's an engineer in the aircraft engine business so as soon as he gets home, I'm going to show him this so he can proofread it. See what's fact and what's fiction. :rolling:
fartblossom
:rolling: that poor midget, what's he gonna do now ?
got any pics?
I'm gonna forward this to one of my pilot buddies :floor:
Beach Fanatic
:floor: :clap_1:
picky
Merman says everything written here is true.:floor:
SoWal Guide
Merman says everything written here is true.:floor:
thanks merman for the verification of data...:clap_1:
margarita brocolia
:rofl: These were good!!
SoWal Insider
Very good :clap_1:
SoWal Expert
Merman says everything written here is true.:floor:
Even the midget one??:idontno: :floor:
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