Baby to be!

It is so tiny at 7 weeks, less than 1/2 long. And from this picture I'm seeing it is forming elbows and fingers and toes, and the ears and eyes and nose are visible. OK, now I am heartbroken. I can never show this to my son and DIL. How can a heartbeat be detected in something so tiny??? Just the fact that it can be detected in something so tiny is amazing!

The good news is that despite the ovarian cysts she can concieve. That in itself is something positive to take away from this, even though I know it hurts. There is hope.

That's right. When I was on infertility drugs for about five years, they frequently caused ovarian cysts that would come and go. The infertility specialist said this was common while taking these drugs but wouldn't affect my ability to conceive. (My inability to conceive was due to my Mom taking DES while I was in utero and exacerbated by my being 40 when I started aggressively tried to get pregnant after years of being told that it was impossible).

Regardless, your DIL's situation still stinks. If she's like me, she'll see poor, unmarried, pregnant women at the grocery store and wonder about how fair it is for someone to conceive when they have neither the desire nor the means to do so. My most difficult thing was christenings at church. I just could not sit through one -- I'd start crying and have to leave. To this day I see the children of friends of mine who were pregnant at the same times I was and wonder how my life would have been blessed by having a child of that age.

Like I said, LDB, we're praying for you all to get through this.

Sorry to hear this. My thoughts are with your family.

::sending positive thoughts your way::

I am so sorry Ladyd. My prayers are with you all.

SEnding lots of love to you Lady . It's so tender right now, hopefully they will change their minds and try again. My sister had 3 miscarriages and one stillborn (which she went wacky over for a while), then poof! She quit smoking and became a baby making machine 3 times right in a row. We started calling her Lady Madonna. Time heals all wounds. Just throw them all your love and support and good things will come back. All my best to you.

Well, unfortunately, what had to be done today was done. Appointment was at 10:00. And of course, there was the waiting. Received a call from my son at work around 12:30 saying she was recovering and sleeping. Apparently they totally put her to sleep. Took about 15 minutes he said but I would think it would have taken a little longer. They didn't get home until around 4:00 p.m.! They took some blood then ended up giving her a shot that is a shot against rejecting a fetus. Something to do with blood type incompatibility. Her blood type is positive and if the blood type of the baby is negative, that can be a problem. Turns out her aunt on her mom's side had a blood type incompatibility which caused her to have a miscarriage. I too had the blood type incompatibility between myself and my son. I had to receive that shot after having him. Anytime DIL is pregnant now, she will have to have that shot! Too bad she didn't think of this earlier in the pregnancy so she could have gotten this shot with the one just lost. Might have made a difference in the outcome.

How unfortunate (regarding the test that might have given a different outcome)! I forgot about having that test. They tested me for all kinds of weird stuff, like if I was allergic to my husband's sperm or if I had an immune disorder like lupus or if I had a blood clotting disorder that would prevent the embryo from attaching itself properly to the uterus, as well as a kajillion other tests. Someone suggested that I write a book because of all of the hoops I went through to try to have babies, and I wish I had because now I have forgotten a lot of that stuff.

My mother got so stressed out during all of this that she got Bell's palsy due to the stress. Her face was paralyzed for about six months.

Don't know for sure, but that is one of a number of possibilities. Too much stress they said could be another factor. I know for a fact she stays stressed out and irritable and angry too much! And if that was the cause, she needs to learn how to control her stress and anger. Two weeks ago I went and picked her up from work one night as she was doubled over in pain in the offices of the store she works in, and my son couldn't leave to go get her. She went to her ob/gyn the next morning to be checked out! However, they did not do any ultrasound or anything my son was aware of! I am wondering now if that is when this horrid event occurred. They both claim it was her gallbladder giving her problems. And unless they test what they removed the exact cause will never be known. I do not know if they can even test what they removed!

Lady D I know you are upset, but please don't let your daughter in law think you are blaming her. You mention that "too bad she didn't have the shot earlier in the pregnancy," but the average mom-to-be doesn't know a thing about Rh incompatibility, nor should she be expected to. Also, if her blood type is positive, why would she think the baby's might be negative? Usually the concern is when the mother's type is negative.

The shot they gave her *may* have been because they were concerned that because of the loss, she now has antibodies in her blood that could be a risk for a future pregnancy. I can tell you it happens because I have some hemoglobin antibodies (from an earlier pregnancy where the blood got mixed together) that have required me to be monitored throughout this pregnancy for any danger to the baby. I have had monthly blood tests and ultrasounds and all is well, but they are just watching to play it safe. About the only thing a mom-to-be can do is make sure she gets the best care available, because the doctors are the ones who have to make these decisions.

As far as whether she is too stressed-out, well, it is possible that stress may have been a factor, but from what I have read it is more likely that the miscarriage was caused by some defect in the fetus or its environment in the womb, which again is *not* her fault. The last thing she needs to hear is that she may have somehow been a cause. She is young and has plenty of time; the most important thing is she needs to work through her emotions first. I hate to sound glib but I do come from experience. I had difficult fertility issues with my first and two miscarriages but three successful pregnancies. BR's story illustrates that not everyone gets so lucky but at the same time your daughter in law can't go into this thinking she is helpless. She and your son have many years to create their family.

Lady D, so sorry to hear of your loss. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Lady D I know you are upset, but please don't let your daughter in law think you are blaming her. You mention that "too bad she didn't have the shot earlier in the pregnancy," but the average mom-to-be doesn't know a thing about Rh incompatibility, nor should she be expected to. Also, if her blood type is positive, why would she think the baby's might be negative? Usually the concern is when the mother's type is negative.

The shot they gave her *may* have been because they were concerned that because of the loss, she now has antibodies in her blood that could be a risk for a future pregnancy. I can tell you it happens because I have some hemoglobin antibodies (from an earlier pregnancy where the blood got mixed together) that have required me to be monitored throughout this pregnancy for any danger to the baby. I have had monthly blood tests and ultrasounds and all is well, but they are just watching to play it safe. About the only thing a mom-to-be can do is make sure she gets the best care available, because the doctors are the ones who have to make these decisions.

As far as whether she is too stressed-out, well, it is possible that stress may have been a factor, but from what I have read it is more likely that the miscarriage was caused by some defect in the fetus or its environment in the womb, which again is *not* her fault. The last thing she needs to hear is that she may have somehow been a cause. She is young and has plenty of time; the most important thing is she needs to work through her emotions first. I hate to sound glib but I do come from experience. I had difficult fertility issues with my first and two miscarriages but three successful pregnancies. BR's story illustrates that not everyone gets so lucky but at the same time your daughter in law can't go into this thinking she is helpless. She and your son have many years to create their family.

Oh, I'm not blaming her. I was referring mainly more about the ob/gyn, and them asking questions about the family history earlier on. I am sure they asked some questions, but may not have thought of everything! It was not something she even recalled about her aunt. She thought of it after the doctor mentioned it Tuesday. My blood type was not compatible with my son's. I knew nothing of that problem either. I had that rogam shot after having him. That may have not been the cause. There is a registered nurse at their apartment staying through Saturday morning that came with her mother. She spent the evening last night talking to her and asking a lot of questions. She was in a better frame of mind after speaking with her. Her blood type is the one that is negative. My son's is positive! I am sure they are going to try again as soon as possible after this procedure! I think they are going to wait a month or two though!

Good to hear that she is in better spirits today and they are talking about trying again. In the meantime, she should keep taking her
pre-natal vitamins.
Did they ever find out what was causing her gall bladder to act up? 21 seems very young to have gallbladder problems. Perhaps when she is feeling up to it, she may want to go see a specialist.

What a tough time. Please know I am thinking of you and your family...it is such a difficult loss.

They took some blood then ended up giving her a shot that is a shot against rejecting a fetus. Something to do with blood type incompatibility. Her blood type is positive and if the blood type of the baby is negative, that can be a problem. Turns out her aunt on her mom's side had a blood type incompatibility which caused her to have a miscarriage. I too had the blood type incompatibility between myself and my son. I had to receive that shot after having him. Anytime DIL is pregnant now, she will have to have that shot! Too bad she didn't think of this earlier in the pregnancy so she could have gotten this shot with the one just lost. Might have made a difference in the outcome.

Lady--Most likely they gave her that shot to protect her for the next time. I too was RH negative and had to have this when I was pregnant w/ Camden, when I was in the hospital about to have him, and again when after delivery. They told me that when you are RH negative the first pregnancy is not in danger, but any pregnancy after that your body will attack the fetus and treat it like it would any illness. I am so sorry for your family's loss. These things are so hard because many times there is no explanation. You are in my prayers.

To this day I see the children of friends of mine who were pregnant at the same times I was and wonder how my life would have been blessed by having a child of that age.

I know what you mean, BR. After nine months of pregnancy and anticipation, my sister gave birth to a stillborn baby boy 29 years ago. It was so awful; I'll never forget that day. I was pregnant at the same time and gave birth to a healthy baby boy four months later. I'm sure as my son grew up she was continuously reminded of her own baby boy. She has been such a wonderful aunt to my son and has always treated him extra special. To this day we all still remember her son's birthday as well. But I know she sometimes sees my son and thinks of what might have been.

Sorry for your loss.

I know what you mean, BR. After nine months of pregnancy and anticipation, my sister gave birth to a stillborn baby boy 29 years ago. It was so awful; I'll never forget that day. I was pregnant at the same time and gave birth to a healthy baby boy four months later. I'm sure as my son grew up she was continuously reminded of her own baby boy. She has been such a wonderful aunt to my son and has always treated him extra special. To this day we all still remember her son's birthday as well. But I know she sometimes sees my son and thinks of what might have been.

Sorry for your loss.

I too understand that. Ten years ago I delivered at 26 weeks, and back then, they didn't have the pre-natal care they have now for preemies, so our son didn't make it. I also have chronic Lyme disease, and even though I was being treated and felt somewhat ok, I am sure it was the cause of early delivery. My neighbor had a little boy 2 months later, and it took a long time to not get melancholy when I saw him. Everyone tells you it was meant to be, but at the time, you don't feel that way. You never forget, but it does get easier over time.

I feel differently now. I have nephews who I am close with, but one especially, who my sister says she had for me because he and I are two peas in a pod. He has mild autism and when he was 2,and wasn't speaking yet, and we started getting therapies for him, I was involved every step of the way.
I like to think that had I had my own children, I probably may not have had the same impact. He just started kindergarten last week, and he talks up a storm and is quite social. Something that 3 years ago, we thought was not a possibility. So I like to think that maybe there is some higher power that has a different plan for us.

I too understand that. Ten years ago I delivered at 26 weeks, and back then, they didn't have the pre-natal care they have now for preemies, so our son didn't make it. I also have chronic Lyme disease, and even though I was being treated and felt somewhat ok, I am sure it was the cause of early delivery. My neighbor had a little boy 2 months later, and it took a long time to not get melancholy when I saw him. Everyone tells you it was meant to be, but at the time, you don't feel that way. You never forget, but it does get easier over time.

I feel differently now. I have nephews who I am close with, but one especially, who my sister says she had for me because he and I are two peas in a pod. He has mild autism and when he was 2,and wasn't speaking yet, and we started getting therapies for him, I was involved every step of the way.
I like to think that had I had my own children, I probably may not have had the same impact. He just started kindergarten last week, and he talks up a storm and is quite social. Something that 3 years ago, we thought was not a possibility. So I like to think that maybe there is some higher power that has a different plan for us.

Good to hear that she is in better spirits today and they are talking about trying again. In the meantime, she should keep taking her
pre-natal vitamins.
Did they ever find out what was causing her gall bladder to act up? 21 seems very young to have gallbladder problems. Perhaps when she is feeling up to it, she may want to go see a specialist.

She is still taking them. She is going to keep on taking them. She has been seeing a specialist for that I believe. I questioned that in my son as to the diagnosis of the gallbladder problem. I am wondering if alot of her hurting on and off was not her gallbladder but this other!!! I would say if she totally experiences no more hurting spells than it may have never been her gallbladder but this other! But I am not a doctor! Only time will tell that if those pains continue!

Hugs to you Mango.

i am so sorry to hear this lady - will be thinking of you and your family

I too understand that. Ten years ago I delivered at 26 weeks, and back then, they didn't have the pre-natal care they have now for preemies, so our son didn't make it. I also have chronic Lyme disease, and even though I was being treated and felt somewhat ok, I am sure it was the cause of early delivery. My neighbor had a little boy 2 months later, and it took a long time to not get melancholy when I saw him. Everyone tells you it was meant to be, but at the time, you don't feel that way. You never forget, but it does get easier over time.

I feel differently now. I have nephews who I am close with, but one especially, who my sister says she had for me because he and I are two peas in a pod. He has mild autism and when he was 2,and wasn't speaking yet, and we started getting therapies for him, I was involved every step of the way.
I like to think that had I had my own children, I probably may not have had the same impact. He just started kindergarten last week, and he talks up a storm and is quite social. Something that 3 years ago, we thought was not a possibility. So I like to think that maybe there is some higher power that has a different plan for us.

I think you're right, Mango. Your little nephew is lucky to have such a wonderful aunt!

i am so sorry to hear this lady - will be thinking of you and your family

Thanks audie, I sure was looking forward to the little one. I was out the other night looking at the tiny baby clothes, baby beds, and looking at how I could arrange stuff in my son's room to make room for a baby bed or playpen so I could keep the baby some! Hope there are plenty more opportunities. Even though my husband and I never had any kids together, I think he would have had alot of fun being a step-granddad! He constantly laughs at cute babies on tv!