Think before you speak...
Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak - the last one is great!
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....
FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly,"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word...he knew better.
SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said,"I think I like playing with men's balls."
THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,"If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.
FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. The realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, " Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No," he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better,thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
kathydwellskathydwellsDarlene is my middle name, not my nicknameLacey's Spring, Alabama13,303 postsJoined View profileMessageDarlene is my middle name, not my nickname
kathydwellsDarlene is my middle name, not my nicknameLacey's Spring, Alabama13,303 postsJoined View profileMessageDarlene is my middle name, not my nickname821 views
Replies
13
Miss KittyMiss KittyMeow47,011 postsJoined View profileMessageMeow
Miss KittyMeow47,011 postsJoined View profileMessageMeowOh Darlene...I actually did the first one at the hairdressers the other day....for the life of me I couldn't remember what you called getting your hair dried...and yes I called it a blow job....is it a blow out? That sounds like a tire thing. We all had a good laugh! I guess you can tell I leave with my hair wet.
kathydwellskathydwellsDarlene is my middle name, not my nicknameLacey's Spring, Alabama13,303 postsJoined View profileMessageDarlene is my middle name, not my nicknameAuthor
kathydwellsDarlene is my middle name, not my nicknameLacey's Spring, Alabama13,303 postsJoined View profileMessageDarlene is my middle name, not my nicknameAuthorOh Darlene...I actually did the first one at the hairdressers the other day....for the life of me I couldn't remember what you called getting your hair dried...and yes I called it a blow job....is it a blow out? That sounds like a tire thing. We all had a good laugh! I guess you can tell I leave with my hair wet.
:floor: I wish I could have been there for that Miss Kitty....and yes, it is a blow out, not blow job!!! hee hee
GypseaGypseaBeach FanaticPittsburgh, PA; Watercolor1,497 postsJoined View profileMessageBeach Fanatic
GypseaBeach FanaticPittsburgh, PA; Watercolor1,497 postsJoined View profileMessageBeach Fanatic:lolabove: :lolabove: :lolabove:
When my daughter was in high school we were going though the drive-thru at McDonald's and we ordered two hot fudge sundaes. The employee asked with an eastern Indian accent if we wanted that with peanuts or no peanuts but it came out sounding like would we like that with penus or no penus. So we ordered them with no penus and laughed all the way home. To this day we laugh when anyone talks about nuts on their sundaes.
When my daughter was in high school we were going though the drive-thru at McDonald's and we ordered two hot fudge sundaes. The employee asked with an eastern Indian accent if we wanted that with peanuts or no peanuts but it came out sounding like would we like that with penus or no penus. So we ordered them with no penus and laughed all the way home. To this day we laugh when anyone talks about nuts on their sundaes.
GypseaGypseaBeach FanaticPittsburgh, PA; Watercolor1,497 postsJoined View profileMessageBeach Fanatic
GypseaBeach FanaticPittsburgh, PA; Watercolor1,497 postsJoined View profileMessageBeach Fanatic:floor: I wish I could have been there for that Miss Kitty....and yes, it is a blow out, not blow job!!! hee hee
You can also call it a blow dry. :lol:
Smiling JOeSmiling JOeSoWal Expert31,643 postsJoined View profileMessageSoWal Expert
Smiling JOeSoWal Expert31,643 postsJoined View profileMessageSoWal ExpertOh Darlene...I actually did the first one at the hairdressers the other day....for the life of me I couldn't remember what you called getting your hair dried...and yes I called it a blow job....is it a blow out? That sounds like a tire thing. We all had a good laugh! I guess you can tell I leave with my hair wet.:floor:
Blow Dry :idontno:
RitaRitamargarita brocoliaDune Allen Beach5,207 postsJoined View profileMessagemargarita brocolia
Ritamargarita brocoliaDune Allen Beach5,207 postsJoined View profileMessagemargarita brocolia:floor: I can't stop laughing over the 5th testimonial.
Smiling JOeSmiling JOeSoWal Expert31,643 postsJoined View profileMessageSoWal Expert
Smiling JOeSoWal Expert31,643 postsJoined View profileMessageSoWal Expert:floor: I can't stop laughing over the 5th testimonial.They are all hilarious. :clap_1:
imasunbumimasunbumBeach Fanatic412 postsJoined View profileMessageBeach Fanatic
imasunbumBeach Fanatic412 postsJoined View profileMessageBeach FanaticWhen my son was very young a waitress came to our table and asked if we needed anything and my son very politely said, "I would like some cock sauce please". I had a mouthful of food and spewed it everywhere and with a little grin and nod the waitress went off to get him some cocktail sauce. :floor:
My 75 year old mother has a pregnant neighbor who was going to have labor induced. My mother saw her husband out in the yard and said, "Has Katherine been seduced yet". I thought he would die before he could walk away. 😀
My 75 year old mother has a pregnant neighbor who was going to have labor induced. My mother saw her husband out in the yard and said, "Has Katherine been seduced yet". I thought he would die before he could walk away. 😀
Miss KittyMiss KittyMeow47,011 postsJoined View profileMessageMeow
Miss KittyMeow47,011 postsJoined View profileMessageMeowYou can also call it a blow dry. :lol:
Thanks Gypsea and SJ!!!! That's the word I was looking for BLOW DRY!!!! Kinda' the opposite of the other!!!!
Smiling JOeSmiling JOeSoWal Expert31,643 postsJoined View profileMessageSoWal Expert
Smiling JOeSoWal Expert31,643 postsJoined View profileMessageSoWal ExpertWhen my son was very young a waitress came to our table and asked if we needed anything and my son very politely said, "I would like some cock sauce please". I had a mouthful of food and spewed it everywhere and with a little grin and nod the waitress went off to get him some cocktail sauce. :floor::floor::floor::floor:
My 75 year old mother has a pregnant neighbor who was going to have labor induced. My mother saw her husband out in the yard and said, "Has Katherine been seduced yet". I thought he would die before he could walk away. 😀
I am glad I was not drinking Pepsi when I read this. I hate the burning sensation of carbonated beverage coming up the nasal passageway.
You just gave me a an idea for a new thread. Gotta go!
RiverOtterRiverOttergot any pics?Chattanooga, Tennessee, United States11,444 postsJoined View profileMessagegot any pics?
RiverOttergot any pics?Chattanooga, Tennessee, United States11,444 postsJoined View profileMessagegot any pics?LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
This is my fav. I actually saw this in a bloopers real once :floor: :floor: :floor:
DBOldfordDBOldfordBeach FanaticNapa Valley, CA990 postsJoined View profileMessageBeach Fanatic
When my nephew was four, his parents took him to his first symphony performance. As the symphony tuned their instruments in that cacophany that usually preceeds the performance, Little Bo listened curiously with an occasional wince. Being something of a fidgeter, he did not see the maestro come in the side door and step up to the podium. The house became silent and everyone applauded the maestro, followed by silence again...almost. From the silence came little Bo's voice, "Daddy, I'm not clapping for that; it wasn't any good!" Brought down the house! :floor:
RitaRitamargarita brocoliaDune Allen Beach5,207 postsJoined View profileMessagemargarita brocolia
Ritamargarita brocoliaDune Allen Beach5,207 postsJoined View profileMessagemargarita brocolia............ From the silence came little Bo's voice, "Daddy, I'm not clapping for that; it wasn't any good!" Brought down the house! :floor:
:rofl: :oops:
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