A bit long, but if y'all get an extra few minutes, this is cute. I saw this several years ago when it had a different date and there were a few more letters in the exchange, but it is still pretty good. ************************************************************************ ****** > >This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the >Michigan >Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan. This guy's response >is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response >letter. > >(State's letter) SUBJECT: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; >Montcalm County > >Dear Mr. DeVries: >It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality >that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced >parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or >contractor who did the following unauthorized activity: > >Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet >stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of this >type of activity. A review of the Department's files show that no permits >have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this >activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the >Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public >Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan >Compiled Laws, annotated. > >The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially >failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at >downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently >hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to >cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream >to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams >from the stream channel. > >All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2005. > >Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so >that a >follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply >with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may >result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action. >We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. > >Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any >questions. Sincerely, > >David L. Price >District Representative, Land and Water Management Division > > >This is the actual response sent back: > > >Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County. > >Dear Mr. Price, > >Your certified letter dated 12/17/04 has been handed to me to respond >in >regarding to the above mentioned file. I am the legal landowner but not the >Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan. > >A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of >constructing >and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my >Spring Pond. While! I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam >project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful >use of natures building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your >department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any >place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could >ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam >ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam >work ethic. > >As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must >first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam >activity. > >My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate >against >my Spring Pond Beavers... or (2) do you require all beavers throughout this >State to conform to said dam request? > >If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through >The >Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other >applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if >there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of >the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the >Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan >Co implied Laws, annotated. > >I have several concerns. My first concern is... aren't the beavers >entitled >to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute >and are unable to pay for said representation, so the State will have to >provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either >one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event causing flooding >is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is >required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond >Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam names. > >If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please >contact the beavers, but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously >did not pay any attention to your dam letter... they being unable to read >English. In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to >build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is >green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to >live and enjoy Spring Pond. > >If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection >lives >up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the >environment (Beavers' Dams). So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, >this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right >now. Why wait until 1/31/2005? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam >ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to harass them >then. > >In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention a real >environmental >quality! (health ) problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually >defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the >defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to >investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful >where they dump!) > >Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to >contact >you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam >office. > >Thank You, > >Ryan DeVries & The Dam Beavers > > >
