From A Dogs POV...

Good one RO! :clap:

I'm a cat person:

HOW TO GIVE YOUR CAT A PILL

1. Sit on sofa. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your elbow as though you were going to give a bottle to a baby. Talk softly to it.

2. With right hand, position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. (be patient) As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. Drop pill into mouth. Let go of cat, noticing the direction it runs.

3. Pick the pill up off the floor and go get the cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. Sit on floor in kitchen, wrap arm around cat as before, drop pill in mouth. Let go of cat, noticing the direction it runs.

4. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Scoot across floor to pick up pill, and go find the cat. Bring it back into the kitchen. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. Drop pill into mouth.

5. Pry claws from back legs out of your arm. Go get the cat, pick up half-dissolved pill from floor and drop it into garbage can.

6.Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of closet. Call spouse from backyard. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rod, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered Doulton figures from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with rubber band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take another pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed, force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour one cup of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call at furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Get last pill from bottle. Go into bathroom and get a fluffy towel. Stay in the bathroom with the cat, and close the door.

16. Sit on bathroom floor, wrap towel around kitty, leaving only his head exposed. Cradle kitty in the crook of your arm, and pick up pill off of counter.

17. Retrieve cat from top of shower door (you didn't know that cats can jump 5 feet straight up in the air, did you?), and wrap towel around it a little tighter, making sure its paws can't come out this time. With fingers at either side of its jaw, pry it open and pop pill into mouth. Quickly close mouth (his, not yours).

18. Sit on floor with cat in your lap, stroking it under the chin and talking gently to it for at least a half hour, while the pill dissolves.

19. Unwrap towel, open bathroom door. Wash off scratches in warm soapy water, comb your hair, and go find something to occupy your time for 7-1/2 hours.

20. Arrange for SPCA to get cat and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL

1. Wrap it in bacon.

To a dog, you're a friend. To a cat, you're staff.

:wub: my dogs... the dog whisperer is :cool: too

:funn: 😀 Most comments are so true!!!

Awwww....poor puppies! :wub: So true about the cats! Have you seen the one about how to wrap presents with a cat?

NoHall - I would not have guessed you to be a cat person. whatever that is. I would not know.

RO: my favorite: You don't see me picking up your poop do you?:lol:

and I'm taking Lulu out for a walk right now and she's allowed to check out any dam thing she pleases. except cars. she used to try to take a ball or stick to passing cars. the car would stop, and she would take the stick over and place it in front of the tire. and wait for the car to throw it. :roll: she was so young and hopeful back then.

:floor: :floor:

'7'
Taking me to the vet for "the big snip",
then acting surprised when I freak
out every time we go back!

:clap:

and Tootsie I loved the cute Lulu puppy story:wub:

NoHall - I would not have guessed you to be a cat person. whatever that is. I would not know.

Dogs: Emotionally needy. "Pet me. Play with me. Adore me. Let me sleep with you." I can't deal with that. (Probably why I don't date, either.)

Cats: Don't care if you live or die. "Either feed me yourself, or hire someone else to do it. I don't care as long as my bowl stays full. Now get out of my chair; it's time for my nap." I respect that.

of course #1 is my fave....

Dogs: Emotionally needy. "Pet me. Play with me. Adore me. Let me sleep with you." I can't deal with that. (Probably why I don't date, either.)

Cats: Don't care if you live or die. "Either feed me yourself, or hire someone else to do it. I don't care as long as my bowl stays full. Now get out of my chair; it's time for my nap." I respect that.

yes, I'm definitely a dog person. in fact, I must be a dog from your description.. :blush: but I like naps.

of course #1 is my fave....

:wave: naturally:lol:

Dogs rule. :wub:

Dogs rule. :wub:

well, since I qualify as a dog, I won't toot my own horn... but thanks!:wave:

yes, I'm definitely a dog person. in fact, I must be a dog from your description.. :blush: but I like naps.
:

You didn't jump up on my clothes with your wet paws and long toenails, you didn't lick my face or hands, and you didn't stick your cold nose in a socially awkward place, so I'll keep you.

You didn't jump up on my clothes with your wet paws and long toenails, you didn't lick my face or hands, and you didn't stick your cold nose in a socially awkward place, so I'll keep you.

:roll: ...you obviously haven't been out drinking with Toots.

:roll: ...you obviously haven't been out drinking with Toots.

Jewel of the Day---no, of the week--no wait--of the month! :floor: :funn: :lol: 😀 😀 :lolabove: :rolling: :rofl: :clap:

:floor: :floor:

'7'
Taking me to the vet for "the big snip",
then acting surprised when I freak
out every time we go back!

# 7 reminds me of a little beagle mix pup we had. We told "Henry" we were going to get him "fixed" and he escaped from his pen the day before. Never saw the dog again.😱 :(

:roll: ...you obviously haven't been out drinking with Toots.

Awkward...:blush:

On second thought, that sounds like funn!

Different is good:clap:

Subject: Dog and Cat Diaries

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY

8:00 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 a.m. Wow! A car ride! This is a blast!
9:40 a.m. Got to go to the park! Rolled in some really nasty stuff, was so proud of myself. Humans were less than impressed.
10:30 a.m. Got my tummy rubbed and petted -- I'm in love!
12:00 p.m. Lunch: yummy!
1:00 p.m. Played in the yard: I loved it!
3:00 p.m. Stared adoringly at my masters .. they're the best!
4:00 p.m. Hooray! The kids got home! I was so happy I was bouncing off the walls!
5:00 p.m. Milkbones -- awesome!
7:00! p.m. Got to play ball! What a day, this was too good to be true!
8:00 p.m. Wow: watching TV with my master! Heavenly!


EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY

Day 683 of My Captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the floor.

Today, I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ''good little hunter'' I am. The audacity!!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today, I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow-- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released--and he seems more than willing to return! He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant-- I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe ~ for now. But I can wait. It is only a matter of time...