A Lightbulb?
At VANDERBILT: it takes two, one to change the bulb and one more to
explain how they did it every bit as good as the bulbs changed at
Harvard.
At GEORGIA: it takes two, one to change the bulb and one to phone an
engineer at Georgia Tech for instructions.
At FLORIDA: it takes four, one to screw in the bulb and three to figure out how to use the other to prime a keg.
At ALABAMA: it takes five, one to change it, three to reminisce about
how The Bear would have done it, and one to throw the old bulb at an
NCAA investigator.
At OLE MISS: it takes six, one to change it, two to mix the drinks and
three to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.
At LSU: it takes seven, and each one gets credit for five Semester
hours.
At KENTUCKY: it takes eight, one to screw it in and seven to discuss
how much brighter it seems to shine during basketball season.
At TENNESSEE: it takes ten, two to figure out how to screw it in, two
to buy an orange lampshade, and six to phone a radio call-in show and
talk about how much they hate Alabama.
At MISSISSIPPI STATE: it takes fifteen, one to screw in the bulb, two
to buy the Skoal, and twelve to yell, "GO TO HELL, OLE MISS".
At AUBURN: it takes one hundred, one to change it, forty-nine to talk
about how they did it better than at Bama, and fifty to get drunk and
roll toomer's Corner when finished.
At SOUTH CAROLINA: it takes 80,000, one to screw it in and 79,999 to
discuss how this finally will be the year that they have a decent
football team.
At ARKANSAS: None. There is no electricity in Arkansas.
Replies
2
beats on hood
Reminds me of an email I got this week from a UGA fan. BTW Vandy and Ole Miss were omitted -- he said that was insult enough.
What does the average
Alabama player
get on his SATs?
...Drool.
What do you get when you
put thirty-two Arkansas
cheerleaders in one room?
...A full set of teeth.
How do you get a
South Carolina cheerleader
into your dorm room?
...Grease her hips and push.
How do you get a
Georgia graduate
off your porch?
...Pay him for the pizza.
How do you know if a
Mississippi State football
player has a girlfriend?
...There is tobacco spit on
both sides of his pickup.
Why is the Kentucky
football team
like a possum?
...Because they play dead at home
and get killed on the road.
What are the longest
three years of an Auburn
football player's life?
... His freshman year.
How many Florida Freshmen
does it take to change
a light bulb?
...None --
that's a sophomore course.
Where was
O. J. headed in
the white Bronco?
.... Baton Rouge, Louisiana.
He knew that the police would never
look at LSU for a Heisman Trophy winner.
AND FINALLY
(drum roll and cymbal crash....)
Why did Tennessee
choose orange
as their team color?
.... You can wear it to the game on Saturday,
hunting on Sunday, and picking up trash
along the highways the rest of the week!
What does the average
Alabama player
get on his SATs?
...Drool.
What do you get when you
put thirty-two Arkansas
cheerleaders in one room?
...A full set of teeth.
How do you get a
South Carolina cheerleader
into your dorm room?
...Grease her hips and push.
How do you get a
Georgia graduate
off your porch?
...Pay him for the pizza.
How do you know if a
Mississippi State football
player has a girlfriend?
...There is tobacco spit on
both sides of his pickup.
Why is the Kentucky
football team
like a possum?
...Because they play dead at home
and get killed on the road.
What are the longest
three years of an Auburn
football player's life?
... His freshman year.
How many Florida Freshmen
does it take to change
a light bulb?
...None --
that's a sophomore course.
Where was
O. J. headed in
the white Bronco?
.... Baton Rouge, Louisiana.
He knew that the police would never
look at LSU for a Heisman Trophy winner.
AND FINALLY
(drum roll and cymbal crash....)
Why did Tennessee
choose orange
as their team color?
.... You can wear it to the game on Saturday,
hunting on Sunday, and picking up trash
along the highways the rest of the week!
picky
Darlene and BR, I'm sure glad Tennessee isn't here anymore to debate the facts. 
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