Monday Funny

Bizarre Celebrity Quotes

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he
lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it
is."
(Barbara Bush - Former US First Lady)

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole
relationships."
(Sharon Stone)

"I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill
live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23
percent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves."
(Jerry Garcia - Grateful Dead)

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman
I don't like and just give her a house."
(Rod Stewart)

"On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the
other hand, we can open all our own jars."
(Bruce Willis - On the difference between men and women)

"There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an
airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to
meet people who do."
(Henry Kissinger - former US Secretary of State)

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex no matter what
she's reading."
(Steve Jobs - Founder: Apple Computers)

"My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee
- the natural enemy of a tightrope walker."
(Dan Rather - News anchorman)

"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I
said, 'Thyroid problem?'"
(Arnold Schwarzenegger)

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for
Black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black
pimps."
(Tiger Woods)

"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of
it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
(Roseanne)

"In the last couple of weeks I have seen the ads for the
Wonder Bra. Is that really a problem in this country? Men
not paying enough attention to women's breasts?"
(Hugh Grant)

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that
many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms.
They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
(Dustin Hoffman)

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men
think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
(Jerry Seinfield)