Today's Funnies Brought to you by: kathydwells. 😀
Diver Meets Guy Underwater
One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, with no scuba gear on whatsoever.
The diver went below another 10 feet, but the guy joined him a minute later. The diver went below 15 more feet, and a minute later, the same guy joined him.
This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof pad and pencil, and wrote, "Amazing! How are you able to stay this deep down without equipment?" The guy took the pencil and pad, erased what the diver had written, and wrote, "I'm drowning, you moron!"
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😀
One day George W. went out to dinner with a Jewish friend. The friend recommended a kosher place nearby. They arrived and Dubya's friend ordered them both the house specialty: matzo ball soup. The waiter brought the bowls and George looked at the soup suspiciously, but his friend urged him to try at least one taste. So he took a bite of matzo ball and slurped some soup and clearly liked it. After Dubya was finished he said, "Mmm mmm, that was good! But tell me, do you Jewish folks eat other parts of the matzo, or just the balls?"
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And some blonde jokes thrown in. Don't shoot the messenger. Remember I am a blonde!! :lol:
Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter."
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Why did the blonde resolve to have only 3 children?
She heard that one out of every four children born in the world was Chinese
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Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall?
There was a power outage, and twelve blondes were stuck on the escalators
for over four hours.
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A blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses. The
doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while
covering the right eye.
The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which that the eye doctor, in
disgust, took a paper lunch bag with a hole to see through, covered up the
appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters.
As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face.
"Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get emotional about getting
glasses."
"I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart set on wire
frames.
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A blonde was shopping at a Target Store and came across a silver thermos
She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and brought it over to
the clerk to ask what it was.
The clerk said, "That's a thermos . . . it keeps some things hot and some
things cold"
"Wow," said the blonde, "that's amazing. I'm going to buy it!" So she
bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.
Her boss saw it on her desk. "What do you have there?" he asked. "Why,
that's a thermos . . it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," she
replied.
Her boss inquired, "What do you have in it?"
The blond replied, "Two Popsicles, and some coffee"
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A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and
sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde. The puzzled blonde
kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls".
Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally,
not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, ! asked, "Does it hurt
as much a s tennis elbow?"
HAPPY FRIDAY EVERYONE!!!!!!!
