Whew, now that I have recovered from my little fainting spell.............that one article gave me a great idea- A candiru/piranha/electric eel moat around my house!!
"One last thing. Lest you think the candir? is all bad news, one visionary has proposed them, apparently seriously, as a key prong in a "fish-based security system" for the South Pacific--see
www.spc.org.nc/coastfish/Reports/misc/wp99/candiru.htm. You dig a moat around your house, see, and stock it with candir?, piranha, and electric eels. "Should the housebreaker fortuitously not be attacked by the electric eels or the piranha then there is a good chance that he will suffer the invasive penetration of the candir? into the urethra." Is that brilliant or what? OK, you might lose a few pets or small children, too, but at least your silverware will be safe."
....and 30-gAy has fabulous silverware. Plus it'll keep all those party drunks from peeing in any of my water features for fear of making a mistake.