Things Hallmark cards don't say....

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My tire was thumping.



I thought it was flat



When I looked at the tire...



I noticed your cat.



Sorry!

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Heard your wife left you,



How upset you must be.



But don't fret about it...



She moved in with me.



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Looking back over the years



that we've been together,



I can't help but wonder...



"What the he!! was I thinking?"



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Congratulations on your wedding day!



Too bad no one likes your husband.



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How could two people as beautiful as you



Have such an ugly baby?



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I've always wanted to have



someone to hold,



someone to love.



After having met you ..



I've changed my mind.



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I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.



I never believed in He!! until I met you.




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As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...



That you're not here to ruin it for me.



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Congratulations on your promotion.



Before you go...



Would you like to take this knife out of my back?



You'll probably need it again.




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** ******



Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!



(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)



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Happy birthday! You look great for your age.



Almost Lifelike!



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When we were together,



you always said you'd die for me.



Now that we've broken up,



I think it's time you kept your promise.




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We have been friends for a very long time ..



let's say we stop?



+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++



I'm so miserable without you



it's almost like you're here.



=====================================================



Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.



Did you ever find out who the father was?



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Your friends and I wanted to do



something special for your birthday.



So we're having you put to sleep.




))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
)) ))))))))))))))))))))))



So your daughter's a hooker,



and it spoiled your day.



Look at the bright side,



it's really good pay.


😀