Sorry, this isn't a funn thread, but I need a little advice.
Last week, my son was outside a friend's house (nice family neighborhood near schools) with other teens, sitting on their bicycles, getting ready to ride to the local video rental store, when all of a sudden a mini van drove by slowly and shot an aerosol gun into the crowd of kids. A spray of pellets hit my son in the back as he was closest to the curb. He thought he recognized some of the boys as being older boys from marching band, etc., so he took off and followed on his bike. The teen in the passenger side turned around & shot at him and my son realized he did not recognize them. But he went ahead and memorized their license plate # and immediately called the police to the scene. They took a statement, description, etc. The police said this has been happening & they have been unable to catch them. Well, we thought it was over. (Also, no injuries to our son, just welts.)
Well, a police investigator called our house last night and said they believe they have located the persons/teens responsible for this and asked if we want to press charges. We said we wanted to think on it and will call them back today. (They are local teens.)
My thoughts are: Obviously this was a dangerous game to be playing, could've caused eye injuries. etc. These could be future delinquents/ciminals...
But, my husband and I don't want to ruin some teens' lives, have a permanent criminal record, have a scholarship pulled, etc., for making a stupid, wrong choice. The investigator was slightly encouraging us to press charges. We would have to go to court, we would not be anonymous, these kids would most likely only be fined (along with a record - they said this is considered battery). We don't want future trouble because we felt like WE did the right thing. You know, it always seems as if the perpetrator is more protected, even if it is on the wrong side of the law.
It's a delimma we don't have an easy answer for. Other than not pressing charges and letting them go.
Replies
49
Beach Lover
Sorry, this isn't a funn thread, but I need a little advice.
Last week, my son was outside a friend's house (nice family neighborhood near schools) with other teens, sitting on their bicycles, getting ready to ride to the local video rental store, when all of a sudden a mini van drove by slowly and shot an aerosol gun into the crowd of kids. A spray of pellets hit my son in the back as he was closest to the curb. He thought he recognized some of the boys as being older boys from marching band, etc., so he took off and followed on his bike. The teen in the passenger side turned around & shot at him and my son realized he did not recognize them. But he went ahead and memorized their license plate # and immediately called the police to the scene. They took a statement, description, etc. The police said this has been happening & they have been unable to catch them. Well, we thought it was over. (Also, no injuries to our son, just welts.)
Well, a police investigator called our house last night and said they believe they have located the persons/teens responsible for this and asked if we want to press charges. We said we wanted to think on it and will call them back today. (They are local teens.)
My thoughts are: Obviously this was a dangerous game to be playing, could've caused eye injuries. etc. These could be future delinquents/ciminals...
But, my husband and I don't want to ruin some teens' lives, have a permanent criminal record, have a scholarship pulled, etc., for making a stupid, wrong choice. The investigator was slightly encouraging us to press charges. We would have to go to court, we would not be anonymous, these kids would most likely only be fined (along with a record - they said this is considered battery). We don't want future trouble because we felt like WE did the right thing. You know, it always seems as if the perpetrator is more protected, even if it is on the wrong side of the law.
It's a delimma we don't have an easy answer for. Other than not pressing charges and letting them go.
This is only my opinion but if you dont press charges these kids will continue to cause trouble. If you do press charges it will effect the parents if there is any fine that goes along with it. When you hit the parents in the wallet they start keeping tabs on the kids. The police will have them on record and keep and eye out for them. Its not your problem to worry about a scholarship being ruined or criminal records being recorded. It is you reasonability to protect your children and other that might get hurt. If you don't take action the next person might be seriously injured.
I had a friend that was killed because I didnt step in and say something to the right people. Im not saying that your issue will come to anything like that but I think some preventative action needs to happen.
Beach Fanatic
They need to be taught a lesson. Something should be done.
Beach Fanatic
I don't know how it is where you are, but if the kids are under 18, often the judge at their hearing will offer them the choice of "Diversion" in which they are assigned community service and/or go to classes for a period of time, then report back to the judge. Once the assignments are all complete, the kid reports back to the judge and the crime is not on his permanent record.
My older son was a wild child and we found out all this stuff the hard way.
Kids need consequences.
My older son was a wild child and we found out all this stuff the hard way.
Kids need consequences.
SoWal Expert
...
But, my husband and I don't want to ruin some teens' lives, have a permanent criminal record, have a scholarship pulled, etc., for making a stupid, wrong choice. ...
People must learn to be held accountable for their actions. What if the next time, it is another teen's life who is damaged? How guilty will you feel then if you do nothing to correct the behavior? I think we sometimes have too much sympathy for criminals. This may be the case.
I would also like to add that your son busted his butt to do the right thing, going after them and getting the tag number as well as calling the Police. You should be proud of him and support the decision he made by following through with the prosecution of these kids. The behavior of the kids doesn't sound to uncommon, but maybe you can help get them back in line.
Beach Lover
I would also like to add that your son busted his butt to do the right thing, going after them and getting the tag number as well as calling the Police. You should be proud of him and support the decision he made by following through with the prosecution of these kids. The behavior of the kids doesn't sound to uncommon, but maybe you can help get them back in line.[/QUOTE]
:clap_1: :clap_1: :clap_1: I had not thought of that.
:clap_1: :clap_1: :clap_1: I had not thought of that.
SoWal InsiderAuthor
Thanks to all of you for your input. We really do want to do the right thing and there should be consequences. My son is adamant about wanting to press charges, but I think that's his "excitement level" of all this - the fact that he helped catch them. I'm trying to see the whole picture beyond our own personal feelings & the effects it will have on these kids.
I'm thinking we will probably agree to press charges.
I'm thinking we will probably agree to press charges.
picky
Don't be such a bleeding heart. Press charges against these teenagers. Your son is lucky in that he had only welts on his body. It could have been worse. What if they had caused him to fall off his bike into the path of an oncoming car? What if he'd been hit in the eye and suffered permanent blindness? Would you be worried then about those kids' future lives if your own son's future life was ruined? The kids "playing" this shooting game were not involved in a victimless crime. It was dangerous beyond words. Let them face the consequences for it.
beats on hood
PRESS CHARGES! It's for their own good, as well as others'.
Heck, I even call 911 with tag numbers when I see someone driving recklessly and identify myself (of course, they see my phone number on their caller ID). Don't I sound like an old codger? It's just that I'm sick of aggressive drivers when I'm in the right lane and going 10 mph over the speed limit and they're risking my life by tailgating me.
So sorry this happened to your son and your family.
Heck, I even call 911 with tag numbers when I see someone driving recklessly and identify myself (of course, they see my phone number on their caller ID). Don't I sound like an old codger? It's just that I'm sick of aggressive drivers when I'm in the right lane and going 10 mph over the speed limit and they're risking my life by tailgating me.
So sorry this happened to your son and your family.
SoWal InsiderAuthor
People must learn to be held accountable for their actions. What if the next time, it is another teen's life who is damaged? How guilty will you feel then if you do nothing to correct the behavior? I think we sometimes have too much sympathy for criminals. This may be the case.That is true & we are very proud of him. We have always reminded him many, many times before he leaves the house, "do the right thing."
I would also like to add that your son busted his butt to do the right thing, going after them and getting the tag number as well as calling the Police. You should be proud of him and support the decision he made by following through with the prosecution of these kids. The behavior of the kids doesn't sound to uncommon, but maybe you can help get them back in line.
I have to be honest tho, when the police called and Mr. Johnrudy answered, they indentified themselves as, "This is the __________ Police Dept and we have your son ___________ here." (they took him in for his statement.) My husband's face drained of all color. The first thing you think is, he has been hurt, then, what did he do? I mean, you just never know. I am, of course, very happy and proud of him, after we found out!
needs to get out more
having lived the dark side of that story, i say press charges. everything said above is true. the kids may get cuffed and taken away(humiliating) and learn something(hopefully) the parents will probably be embarrassed being the talk of the neighborhood, and suitably pissed. and, guess who gets to take off from work to go sit in court with junior to deal?
SoWal Insider
People must learn to be held accountable for their actions. What if the next time, it is another teen's life who is damaged? How guilty will you feel then if you do nothing to correct the behavior? I think we sometimes have too much sympathy for criminals. This may be the case.
I would also like to add that your son busted his butt to do the right thing, going after them and getting the tag number as well as calling the Police. You should be proud of him and support the decision he made by following through with the prosecution of these kids. The behavior of the kids doesn't sound to uncommon, but maybe you can help get them back in line.
I agree. Sad though that these teenagers can't find anything better to do with their time, and the parents are not involved enough.
Teenagers don't realize how their actions now can possibly impact their lives at a later point. My brother-in-law is a lawyer and did something stupid when he was young. He wanted to run for a public office and couldn't because of it. The Governor would not also pardon the crime.
Beach Fanatic
having lived the dark side of that story, i say press charges. everything said above is true. the kids may get cuffed and taken away(humiliating) and learn something(hopefully) the parents will probably be embarrassed being the talk of the neighborhood, and suitably pissed. and, guess who gets to take off from work to go sit in court with junior to deal?Word up, John R. That's how it was for us.
He's a good kid now. But back in the day...
FunnChef - AlisonCooks.com
A very good thread! I am leaving for Atlanta now...and I am leaving on this good note, that your son did a good thing, was not hurt (thank God) , learned a lesson himself 🙂D ) and has helped to hopefully teach these teens a lesson. I do not think this will go on their permnanat record...why don't you find out from the police what the whole consequences are to these boys?
I feel good knowing that this board is so helpful to all those who partcipate! :wub:
I feel good knowing that this board is so helpful to all those who partcipate! :wub:
SoWal Insider
JR I have a son that is now 24. He has done his share of "knee jerk" stunts growing up. However, none of them were directed at purposely inflicting bodily harm to others. If you decide not to press charges, what do you think their next stunt will be? If they are not held accountable for this, wouldn't you worry about their next target? I applaude your son for his bravery. The message you send to both your son and the other young men involved will speak volumes. Good luck in your decision making process.
SoWal InsiderAuthor
Don't be such a bleeding heart. Press charges against these teenagers. Your son is lucky in that he had only welts on his body. It could have been worse. What if they had caused him to fall off his bike into the path of an oncoming car? What if he'd been hit in the eye and suffered permanent blindness? Would you be worried then about those kids' future lives if your own son's future life was ruined? The kids "playing" this shooting game were not involved in a victimless crime. It was dangerous beyond words. Let them face the consequences for it.I totally agree and I value your opinion.
My first thought after the concern of the possibility of ruining their lives (even tho they've done it to themselves) was the impact this could have on our own lives. I don't want to endanger my family or home, I don't want my son terriorized in school. The investigator said they're local so they go to the same high school.
So in all honesty, my true feelings do lie with my family and son's safety first. It's really a catch 22 in my opinion.
picky
I have to be honest tho, when the police called and Mr. Johnrudy answered, they indentified themselves as, "This is the __________ Police Dept and we have your son ___________ here." (they took him in for his statement.) My husband's face drained of all color. The first thing you think is, he has been hurt, then, what did he do? I mean, you just never know. I am, of course, very happy and proud of him, after we found out!
I shouldn't laugh at that but I am! We got a similar phone call and I had the same reaction (we have a 19 year old son). Luckily, it was only the Police Benevolent Society wanting a donation. I was so relieved it wasn't a call about Alex getting into trouble that I gave them a generous gift. :oops: 😀 :oops:
picky
I totally agree and I value your opinion.
My first thought after the concern of the possibility of ruining their lives (even tho they've done it to themselves) was the impact this could have on our own lives. I don't want to endanger my family or home, I don't want my son terriorized in school. The investigator said they're local so they go to the same high school.
So in all honesty, my true feelings do lie with my family and son's safety first. It's really a catch 22 in my opinion.
I really didn't mean to sound as harsh as I did but it infuriates me that we as a society coddle our children so much, even when they do very bad things. My first thought was that what happened to your son could easily have happened to my 17 year old daughter. She's always on her bicycle and we live in the city where there could easily be hooligans like the ones who took pot shots at your son and his friends. I'd have been heartbroken if my daughter came to harm like your son could have (one of those there-but-for-the-grace-of-god is what saved your boy, I'm sure). And yet you were thinking about possibly jepordizing scholarships...an admirable, charitable, and misplaced gesture on your part. It is a disservice NOT to punish, because it sends the message that there are no consequences. It also sends the more worrying message that good people like your family can be frightened into silence (I'm referring to what you said about those teens going to the same school as your son). This could make the teens who did this deed feel very powerful, which could lead them into even worse behavior...after all, if they weren't stopped when they were only "horsing around" what and who could stop them later on down the road?
JohnRudy, if your son hasn't already read Harper Lee's story "To Kill A Mockingbird," this could be an opportune moment. It's a powerful and appropriate story.
quirty
Wow JR - I understand this dilemma more than you know. Something very similar happened to me & a friend as teenagers. My friend was the one who had to press charges (it was a road rage incident and the other driver got out of his car and came over to ours and just smashed her face into the steering wheel.) In the end, I think she regretted her decision, but only because this idiot got continuance after continuance, and each time my friend still had to take off work and go to court. One day she just quit going and I'm sure the guy got off. I agree that it is important to follow through so that your son sees that you are doing the right thing - just hope it doesn't drag on and that there is some sort of quick resolution (like a plea to a lesser charge - maybe something just enough to scare these kids into accepting the consequences of their actions, and without totally disrupting your lives.)
SoWal Expert
I totally agree and I value your opinion.
My first thought after the concern of the possibility of ruining their lives (even tho they've done it to themselves) was the impact this could have on our own lives. I don't want to endanger my family or home, I don't want my son terriorized in school. The investigator said they're local so they go to the same high school.
So in all honesty, my true feelings do lie with my family and son's safety first. It's really a catch 22 in my opinion.
If you don't stand up to these kids, your son will be terriorized in school. The other kids will know to pick on your kid because his parents are too nice to press charges. IMHO, this is an easy decision regarding morals.
It matters not what consequences the other kids might suffer because it was their actions, not yours, which put them in this situation. So let's forget about what might happen to them.
Growing up, I could have easily been grouped in with the kids who shot the air pistol at your son, and a good spanking or juvee jail would have yanked me around very quickly. These kids are begging for discipline of some sort. Today, it is airguns, tomorrow it may be bottlerockets, and in a year or two, who knows, it could be powerful guns which shoot real bullets. I turned out okay, even though I was never really busted for anything growing up. I had other friends who were busted for many serious crimes, and that didn't stop them from receiving scholarships, and one even became valedictorian (heck, I cannot even spell it correctly) of high school and the college which he attended. In fact, getting caught probably straightened him out to be a better citizen.
beats on hood
I totally agree and I value your opinion.That's a tough one. A real moral dilemma.
My first thought after the concern of the possibility of ruining their lives (even tho they've done it to themselves) was the impact this could have on our own lives. I don't want to endanger my family or home, I don't want my son terriorized in school. The investigator said they're local so they go to the same high school.
So in all honesty, my true feelings do lie with my family and son's safety first. It's really a catch 22 in my opinion.
I'll have to say that I'd want to protect my child against negative repercussions from pressing charges.
I was in a similar (but not so severe) situation in May. Three days before the final exam, one of my daughter's professors sent out an email to the entire class that said, "Zero percent of you will make an A or a B on the exam, and only a third of you will pass." How about that for threatening and stressing out kids who are already stressed out about exams? I really wanted to report him to his department chair, but decided against it due to fear of negative repercussions for my daughter. As my colleagues agreed, if one of us had sent out an email like that to our students, we would have been fired, regardless of having tenure.
But after she graduates ...
Beach Fanatic
I totally agree and I value your opinion.
My first thought after the concern of the possibility of ruining their lives (even tho they've done it to themselves) was the impact this could have on our own lives. I don't want to endanger my family or home, I don't want my son terriorized in school. The investigator said they're local so they go to the same high school.
So in all honesty, my true feelings do lie with my family and son's safety first. It's really a catch 22 in my opinion.
I would think that it would be less safe NOT to press charges. Chances are that if your son saw their faces, they also saw his. If you don't press charges, they'll think they got away with something and will continue. I wouldn't hesitate to get these delinquents the punishment they deserve. They'd be crazy to mess with your son or your family after serving their sentences or whatever form of punishment they'd get. Chances are they'll be on probation for at least a couple of years. If you do nothing at all, they may think you guys wimped out, and will continue doing possibly even worse things under the assumption that others won't press charges either.
I know this is a difficult decision for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you ponder this situation. Kudos to your son for not being afraid to do the right thing! :clap_1:
bean
That's a tough one. A real moral dilemma.
I'll have to say that I'd want to protect my child against negative repercussions from pressing charges.
I was in a similar (but not so severe) situation in May. Three days before the final exam, one of my daughter's professors sent out an email to the entire class that said, "Zero percent of you will make an A or a B on the exam, and only a third of you will pass." How about that for threatening and stressing out kids who are already stressed out about exams? I really wanted to report him to his department chair, but decided against it due to fear of negative repercussions for my daughter. As my colleagues agreed, if one of us had sent out an email like that to our students, we would have been fired, regardless of having tenure.
But after she graduates ...
BR, write the letter now and save it.
fartblossom
my first thoughts as i was reading of this was worrying about retaliation on your family. punks like this make me soo angry, and our area is getting full of them. it's scary when decent hard-working people are not free to even go to the grocery store in safety. good luck to you and your family no matter what you decide, it's a tuffy, but i would lean towards prosecuting, just my opinion..
bean
I would think that it would be less safe NOT to press charges. Chances are that if your son saw their faces, they also saw his. If you don't press charges, they'll think they got away with something and will continue. I wouldn't hesitate to get these delinquents the punishment they deserve. They'd be crazy to mess with your son or your family after serving their sentences or whatever form of punishment they'd get. Chances are they'll be on probation for at least a couple of years. If you do nothing at all, they may think you guys wimped out, and will continue doing possibly even worse things under the assumption that others won't press charges either.
I know this is a difficult decision for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you ponder this situation. Kudos to your son for not being afraid to do the right thing! :clap_1:
It's really nice to have Sowal as a sounding board. I agree with the above post. I don't envy your position JR. I'm really glad your son didn't get hurt and I admire him for his actions.
fishlips
i wouldn't press charges - i'd get their addresses from the cops and march right up to their house and speak to their parents about it and threaten a civil suit for damages! works every time!
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