Sorry, this isn't a funn thread, but I need a little advice.
Last week, my son was outside a friend's house (nice family neighborhood near schools) with other teens, sitting on their bicycles, getting ready to ride to the local video rental store, when all of a sudden a mini van drove by slowly and shot an aerosol gun into the crowd of kids. A spray of pellets hit my son in the back as he was closest to the curb. He thought he recognized some of the boys as being older boys from marching band, etc., so he took off and followed on his bike. The teen in the passenger side turned around & shot at him and my son realized he did not recognize them. But he went ahead and memorized their license plate # and immediately called the police to the scene. They took a statement, description, etc. The police said this has been happening & they have been unable to catch them. Well, we thought it was over. (Also, no injuries to our son, just welts.)
Well, a police investigator called our house last night and said they believe they have located the persons/teens responsible for this and asked if we want to press charges. We said we wanted to think on it and will call them back today. (They are local teens.)
My thoughts are: Obviously this was a dangerous game to be playing, could've caused eye injuries. etc. These could be future delinquents/ciminals...
But, my husband and I don't want to ruin some teens' lives, have a permanent criminal record, have a scholarship pulled, etc., for making a stupid, wrong choice. The investigator was slightly encouraging us to press charges. We would have to go to court, we would not be anonymous, these kids would most likely only be fined (along with a record - they said this is considered battery). We don't want future trouble because we felt like WE did the right thing. You know, it always seems as if the perpetrator is more protected, even if it is on the wrong side of the law.
It's a delimma we don't have an easy answer for. Other than not pressing charges and letting them go.
Replies
49
Beach Fanatic
In my opinion you should press charges. What would have happened if it were not a paint gun? What if it were a real gun? You should go forward and then also notify the school of the incident and the consequences and let them know that you are worried about your son being terrorized in school and leave that part of it in their hands. If you do not follow through with pressing charges it opens the avenue for thes boys to escelate their doings and really injure some innocent person. I know hindsight is 20-20 but could you live with knowledge that these boys injured someone seriously and you could have prevented it? I have raised my 3 sons to be responsible young men. I always taught them that if they ever got into trouble the results of their actions would be with them for life and any punishment they got colud never match what they got from me. I did not raise them to be afraid of me but they understood that I was serious. I think that is most of the problem with the problem kids of today, they have no discipline and do not have to worry about their actions. Go forward with pressing the charges and I think you just might turn around one of their lives and you will feel better about it.
percy
i wouldn't press charges - i'd get their addresses from the cops and march right up to their house and speak to their parents about it and threaten a civil suit for damages! works every time!Don't count on it. We now live in a society made up of "my little darlings;" I'm constantly amazed by parents who defend their children's actions even when (seemingly) obviously wrong. Wouldn't surprise me if trying this approach resulted in JR's getting doors slammed in her face, sadly.
Beach Fanatic
I agree with PeaPod here - Sadly, my sister would be the first to defend her little darling.
It is a tough one JR - but I am sure you and your family will do what is right - you have to live with your decisions - none of the rest of us do.
I have a moral issue happening in my extended family right now and have be wrestling with it for sometime - no one can make these decisions for you.
It is a tough one JR - but I am sure you and your family will do what is right - you have to live with your decisions - none of the rest of us do.
I have a moral issue happening in my extended family right now and have be wrestling with it for sometime - no one can make these decisions for you.
SoWal Insider
I agree with luvthebeach, SJ and others. Press charges. Your son will be proud of you for following through with what you have always told him -- "Do the right thing." He will remember the lesson, and he will I'm sure pass the same on to his kids. This is easy for me to say because he is NOT my son, and my sons are so little that they are well under my wing and protected at all times, but I think your son sounds like a tough kid who can handle whatever comes his way at school. You have taught him some wonderful lessons. He is absorbing them. That is awesome. :clap_1:
The story reminds me a little bit of my neighbors' daughter, one of our babysitters. She is 18 and just graduated high school. Their dog was dying verrry slowly of lung cancer. They were afraid to do anything about it. She finally sat her parents down and told them it was time to put the dog down. They were surprised. I wasn't -- she is a smart kid! They wanted to protect her, though, from the dog's death and had those "protective parents" blinders on. I can't imagine how hard it is to remove those blinders because I am not there yet. But it has to be done eventually. It takes so much courage to be the parent of a teenager, I hope I have it when the time comes!
Good luck and keep us posted JR ...
The story reminds me a little bit of my neighbors' daughter, one of our babysitters. She is 18 and just graduated high school. Their dog was dying verrry slowly of lung cancer. They were afraid to do anything about it. She finally sat her parents down and told them it was time to put the dog down. They were surprised. I wasn't -- she is a smart kid! They wanted to protect her, though, from the dog's death and had those "protective parents" blinders on. I can't imagine how hard it is to remove those blinders because I am not there yet. But it has to be done eventually. It takes so much courage to be the parent of a teenager, I hope I have it when the time comes!
Good luck and keep us posted JR ...
beats on hood
I agree with PeaPod here - Sadly, my sister would be the first to defend her little darling.We'll be thinking of you. Much of the time life sucks (and then you die), so you just have to cherish all of the non-sucking times.
It is a tough one JR - but I am sure you and your family will do what is right - you have to live with your decisions - none of the rest of us do.
I have a moral issue happening in my extended family right now and have be wrestling with it for sometime - no one can make these decisions for you.
Beach Fanatic
BR
Thank you so much for your thoughts - it actually brought a tear to my eye. This really has been one tough decision - but you are right - you definitely have to enjoy the good times while they are happening - my husband - son and myself are so blessed in so many ways. All you have to do is look around you at others to put your own problems in prospective.
Thank you!!!!!
Thank you so much for your thoughts - it actually brought a tear to my eye. This really has been one tough decision - but you are right - you definitely have to enjoy the good times while they are happening - my husband - son and myself are so blessed in so many ways. All you have to do is look around you at others to put your own problems in prospective.
Thank you!!!!!
SoWal InsiderAuthor
I really didn't mean to sound as harsh as I did but it infuriates me that we as a society coddle our children so much, even when they do very bad things. My first thought was that what happened to your son could easily have happened to my 17 year old daughter. She's always on her bicycle and we live in the city where there could easily be hooligans like the ones who took pot shots at your son and his friends. I'd have been heartbroken if my daughter came to harm like your son could have (one of those there-but-for-the-grace-of-god is what saved your boy, I'm sure). And yet you were thinking about possibly jepordizing scholarships...an admirable, charitable, and misplaced gesture on your part. It is a disservice NOT to punish, because it sends the message that there are no consequences. It also sends the more worrying message that good people like your family can be frightened into silence (I'm referring to what you said about those teens going to the same school as your son). This could make the teens who did this deed feel very powerful, which could lead them into even worse behavior...after all, if they weren't stopped when they were only "horsing around" what and who could stop them later on down the road?
JohnRudy, if your son hasn't already read Harper Lee's story "To Kill A Mockingbird," this could be an opportune moment. It's a powerful and appropriate story.
He's actually read it twice. It's one of his favorite books. This is probably one of the reasons he is the way he is most likely.
SoWal InsiderAuthor
That's a tough one. A real moral dilemma.And it is a moral dilemma to me. An easy conclusion for some just dosen't come that easily for me, I guess.
I'll have to say that I'd want to protect my child against negative repercussions from pressing charges.
Anyway, I talked with him about the real possibility of them being at his high school. He said he had no problem with that because he could always go to the Dean. He's much less intimidated by any of this than I thought he'd be.
Beach Fanatic
I agree with the "Press charges". If they have never been in trouble before they will only receive probation..sounds like they need supervision. If they have been in trouble before, and I would be surprised if they have not, they could spend some time in kiddy jail, but would recieve counseling and supervised probation. In the long run these kids would benefit from your involvement. And if they give your brave son any problems the probation officier could be notified, etc. Hope this helps...I was shaking from anger reading this. I am so sick of kids running wild with no consequences. Oh and they were driving..that is even scarier..ok I'll stop now and will be thinking of you all.
SoWal InsiderAuthor
I agree with the "Press charges". If they have never been in trouble before they will only receive probation..sounds like they need supervision. If they have been in trouble before, and I would be surprised if they have not, they could spend some time in kiddy jail, but would recieve counseling and supervised probation. In the long run these kids would benefit from your involvement. And if they give your brave son any problems the probation officier could be notified, etc. Hope this helps...I was shaking from anger reading this. I am so sick of kids running wild with no consequences. Oh and they were driving..that is even scarier..ok I'll stop now and will be thinking of you all.
Thank you...
And thanks to everyone's very helpful advice!
beats on hood
And it is a moral dilemma to me. An easy conclusion for some just dosen't come that easily for me, I guess.Strong kid. You should be proud.
Anyway, I talked with him about the real possibility of them being at his high school. He said he had no problem with that because he could always go to the Dean. He's much less intimidated by any of this than I thought he'd be.
Beach Fanatic
:clap_1: You should be very proud! From this side of the screen it's easy for me to say, show him the right way and follow through. More times than not, the right way is NEVER the easy way. I guess it's a good reminder to us all.
percy
We'll be thinking of you. Much of the time life sucks (and then you die), so you just have to cherish all of the non-sucking times.BR, I think you have a t-shirt slogan on your hands!
Beach Fanatic
Can you get the offenders' names? It might be good to get an idea where they live and what kind of parental situation they have. if you are able to talk to parents you might get helpful info.
beats on hood
BR, I think you have a t-shirt slogan on your hands!Someone else told me that. I've used it before in another venue.
Is this, like, one of those "Sh-- Happens" paradigms?
SoWal InsiderAuthor
Can you get the offenders' names? It might be good to get an idea where they live and what kind of parental situation they have. if you are able to talk to parents you might get helpful info.We asked the investigator that exact question last night, but she never really gave us an answer. So, we'll see... I'll ask again...
SoWal Insider
There are levels of response here. The documentation of what happened is already in place. Request that the police haul the parents[those that pay the bills] in with the kids involved here, and let the detectives administer some free mindgames. Let them guess as to whether they will be prosecuted. Odds are the message will be received loud and clear. Strike that last thought if the law has already had contact with them. I think you will gain little satisfaction from the juvenile court venue, as usually nothing much happens, other than you put in a great amount of time and effort for a slap on the wrist. Think first for a second of some of the stupid things you or your friends did as a teenager, but if this incident is grave enough in your own mind, then have at it!!!!!
Beach Fanatic
Had a little "intrique" goin' on, when my younger was a teenager! :blink: Nothing too serious and nothing on his record. Having revealed this, I still say pursue this! :clap_1: :clap_1: :clap_1: If you don't, they may be involved in a car accident, like we've been aware of, lately! :(
SoWal InsiderAuthor
Update and Final Outcome:
The investigator called & said they'd located all 4 high school boys and the van. Each one's parents have been contacted. One family has already been to the police station with their son. The investigator said the parents were fuming at their son, he was crying and his license was temp. revoked. They are now at home, awaiting our decision on pressing charges or not.
The investigator revealed that they have no previous records, no speeding tickets, nothing. So, I've decided on this description, not to press charges. I feel it was a stupid choice they made, a "knee jerk" decision, peer pressure. The investigator assured me that these seemed like parents who were very involved with their son - this boy was very remorseful, ashamed and embarrassed.
If these boys had a "past" I was going to press charges. But now, they are boys like my own. I'm sure they've learned a very valuable lesson. My son and his friends have learned from this too.
Thank you for being a great sounding board! Great advice from each and every one of you! :wub:
The investigator called & said they'd located all 4 high school boys and the van. Each one's parents have been contacted. One family has already been to the police station with their son. The investigator said the parents were fuming at their son, he was crying and his license was temp. revoked. They are now at home, awaiting our decision on pressing charges or not.
The investigator revealed that they have no previous records, no speeding tickets, nothing. So, I've decided on this description, not to press charges. I feel it was a stupid choice they made, a "knee jerk" decision, peer pressure. The investigator assured me that these seemed like parents who were very involved with their son - this boy was very remorseful, ashamed and embarrassed.
If these boys had a "past" I was going to press charges. But now, they are boys like my own. I'm sure they've learned a very valuable lesson. My son and his friends have learned from this too.
Thank you for being a great sounding board! Great advice from each and every one of you! :wub:
directionally challenged
Update and Final Outcome:
The investigator called & said they'd located all 4 high school boys and the van. Each one's parents have been contacted. One family has already been to the police station with their son. The investigator said the parents were fuming at their son, he was crying and his license was temp. revoked. They are now at home, awaiting our decision on pressing charges or not.
The investigator revealed that they have no previous records, no speeding tickets, nothing. So, I've decided on this description, not to press charges. I feel it was a stupid choice they made, a "knee jerk" decision, peer pressure. The investigator assured me that these seemed like parents who were very involved with their son - this boy was very remorseful, ashamed and embarrassed.
If these boys had a "past" I was going to press charges. But now, they are boys like my own. I'm sure they've learned a very valuable lesson. My son and his friends have learned from this too.
Thank you for being a great sounding board! Great advice from each and every one of you! :wub:
I'm glad it's resolved for you Johnrudy. Nice sensible approach to it. Raising kids is a tough job. :roll:
beats on hood
Update and Final Outcome:Seems like you're at peace about it all. I'm glad that this community of posters could be of some help to you.
The investigator called & said they'd located all 4 high school boys and the van. Each one's parents have been contacted. One family has already been to the police station with their son. The investigator said the parents were fuming at their son, he was crying and his license was temp. revoked. They are now at home, awaiting our decision on pressing charges or not.
The investigator revealed that they have no previous records, no speeding tickets, nothing. So, I've decided on this description, not to press charges. I feel it was a stupid choice they made, a "knee jerk" decision, peer pressure. The investigator assured me that these seemed like parents who were very involved with their son - this boy was very remorseful, ashamed and embarrassed.
If these boys had a "past" I was going to press charges. But now, they are boys like my own. I'm sure they've learned a very valuable lesson. My son and his friends have learned from this too.
Thank you for being a great sounding board! Great advice from each and every one of you! :wub:
SoWal Expert
I was in Walgreens, and the gal helping asked me about my t-shirt. I had on my SoWal shirt! She said "some guy was in here this morning- funn was spelled th same way on his shirt!"
So of course I freaked- who in MY 'hood is SoWalling and I don't know about it???:idontno: :rofl: The nerve! Sneaky!
Turns out, it was Bdarg. He had worn HIS shirt to the gym. I hadn't seen him walk out the door, so I didn't know.
This is bizarro. I have know clue why I posted about the funn shirts here! I must have been doing my usual- rush rush and reading a few/typing a few as I'm going past the computer, and posted on the wrong thread! Sorry JR!
I also have pics posted in John R's photo gallery. Never figured that one out.
So of course I freaked- who in MY 'hood is SoWalling and I don't know about it???:idontno: :rofl: The nerve! Sneaky!
Turns out, it was Bdarg. He had worn HIS shirt to the gym. I hadn't seen him walk out the door, so I didn't know.
This is bizarro. I have know clue why I posted about the funn shirts here! I must have been doing my usual- rush rush and reading a few/typing a few as I'm going past the computer, and posted on the wrong thread! Sorry JR!
I also have pics posted in John R's photo gallery. Never figured that one out.
fartblossom
I was in Walgreens, and the gal helping asked me about my t-shirt. I had on my SoWal shirt! She said "some guy was in here this morning- funn was spelled th same way on his shirt!"
So of course I freaked- who in MY 'hood is SoWalling and I don't know about it???:idontno: :rofl: The nerve! Sneaky!
Turns out, it was Bdarg. He had worn HIS shirt to the gym. I hadn't seen him walk out the door, so I didn't know.
:floor:
Beach Fanatic
People must learn to be held accountable for their actions. What if the next time, it is another teen's life who is damaged? How guilty will you feel then if you do nothing to correct the behavior? I think we sometimes have too much sympathy for criminals. This may be the case.Capital Ditto...
I would also like to add that your son busted his butt to do the right thing, going after them and getting the tag number as well as calling the Police. You should be proud of him and support the decision he made by following through with the prosecution of these kids. The behavior of the kids doesn't sound to uncommon, but maybe you can help get them back in line.
If by the time teenage years are reached and same have not absorbed the notion that (a) shooting people with anything is not "sport" [unless they're equally armed and willing] and (b) that all action has consequence then your duty as a citizen of the world is to supply the education that parents failed to provide or DNA inhibited. Ultimately, all learning is more or less a Pavlov thing... MHO of course...
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