counseling/therapy for elderly parent??

I would begin with talking with their primary physicians. Or yours. I feel for you. It is soooo hard to deal with. Be strong, be compassionate, and persevere.
Good luck.

I would begin with talking with their primary physicians. Or yours. I feel for you. It is soooo hard to deal with. Be strong, be compassionate, and persevere.
Good luck.

Thank you !
problem is I can not get her to go willingly, her primary physician is at Eglin and I cant make this appointment that's why I am asking for others experience with local counselors.
I am at the point of making ultimatums for something to be done,,,,but I don't know what to do, or where to take her. we (sister) have had her to 4 local physicians looking for the reasons for her mental/physical decline and physically all tests say she's healthy so there has to be a reason for her off the wall behavior and the only part that hasnt been examined is mental-emotional.

Thank you !
problem is I can not get her to go willingly, her primary physician is at Eglin and I cant make this appointment that's why I am asking for others experience with local counselors.
I am at the point of making ultimatums for something to be done,,,,but I don't know what to do, or where to take her. we (sister) have had her to 4 local physicians looking for the reasons for her mental/physical decline and physically all tests say she's healthy so there has to be a reason for her off the wall behavior and the only part that hasnt been examined is mental-emotional.

I'm sorry, I should've been more explicit. I meant you should call her dr. and speak with them directly, even make an app't for a one on one (w/out either of your parents). They should advise you and put you in touch with the appropriate specialists.

I had to do just this very thing 8 - 10 yrs ago when my dad was living in Fla, Marianna to be exact. I had some very helpful docs who seemed to want to go that extra mile. They sensed my desperation. But it DID take a one on one appt. At least it helped get me started. Eventually, one thing leads to another, things begin to fall into place.

Her docs will know her past medical history, etc., there may be something awry. Blood tests should be done.

And you WILL have to be strong and temporarily asume the parental position. (Keep your armor on because she'll accuse you of everything under the sun - ha!)

Does she go to church? A minister/priest can be a good counseling resource and is often more acceptable than an unknown therapist, especially to older people.

I find it odd that the 4 doctors did no testing to check her mental acuity, especially when you told them you had noted a marked charge in her.

Grandma Scooterbug has anxiety issues and a big part of it is not enabling her, nipping worries in the bud, and focusing on positive things instead. It means more work for you, but it can be quite helpful when you take care of the major details - travel arrangements, appointments, financials etc. or preempt their worrying about something by planning ahead so you can head them off at the pass.

Also on the list is turning off the TV news (Wall Street Journal, radio, and a local paper are good substitutes for the hysteria inducing television broadcasts) and taking away the "potential side effects" info from the pharmacy - it's practically an instruction manual for obsessing/worrying, especially if there are already hypochondriac tendencies. :roll:

Thank you !
problem is I can not get her to go willingly, her primary physician is at Eglin and I cant make this appointment that's why I am asking for others experience with local counselors.
I am at the point of making ultimatums for something to be done,,,,but I don't know what to do, or where to take her. we (sister) have had her to 4 local physicians looking for the reasons for her mental/physical decline and physically all tests say she's healthy so there has to be a reason for her off the wall behavior and the only part that hasnt been examined is mental-emotional.

You can't meet with her doctor because he/she is a military doctor and you are not military...is that right?

If that is the case, then, I would consult with your own primary physician and seek his/her advice. They might be able to intervene doctor to doctor for you.

When faced with a similar situation (no military docs involved) my siblings and I met as a group--there are four of us; and decided who would be our spokesperson, who then consulted with my parents' doctor; afterwards the doctor was kind enough to have a group meeting with all four of us, and he laid out a plan of action. It was difficult and took some time, but we finally got to a place where the right medication and some behavior change on our part, make a huge difference. Not all rosey even now, but much, much better. Good luck to you--it is a very difficult situation to be in.

this is difficult but I have come to the conclusion there is nothing more I can do to help with my elderly parents and what I think must be some kind of depression/anxiety attacks, it's time for professional help.
Does anyone have experience or knowledge of local counselors/psychotherapists dealing with this kind of thing?....I am at my wits end!

I thought my Mom needed a shrink. She was acting crazy and saying really hateful things and acting inappropriately in public.

Now I have learned that it was just the early stages of dementia and Alzheimer's. My guess is that your parents don't need psychotherapy -- they need to see their internist for Namenda and Exelon and perhaps a chill pill if they are being aggressive. As I have come to understand, Alzheimer's is much more than memory loss -- it involves hateful and strange behaviors and a lack of functionality (like forgetting to swallow when eating or taking meds) at end stage.

It will be quite a learning experience for you as a caregiver, as it has been for me. Take care of yourself, and try to be understanding with them, even though it takes the patience of a saint, regardless of how much you love them.

I am here for you if you need advice. Just PM me.

I thought my Mom needed a shrink. She was acting crazy and saying really hateful things and acting inappropriately in public.

Now I have learned that it was just the early stages of dementia and Alzheimer's. My guess is that your parents don't need psychotherapy -- they need to see their internist for Namenda and Exelon and perhaps a chill pill if they are being aggressive. As I have come to understand, Alzheimer's is much more than memory loss -- it involves hateful and strange behaviors and a lack of functionality (like forgetting to swallow when eating or taking meds) at end stage.

It will be quite a learning experience for you as a caregiver, as it has been for me. Take care of yourself, and try to be understanding with them, even though it takes the patience of a saint, regardless of how much you love them.

I am here for you if you need advice. Just PM me.

thank you Beach Runner.

I think this is what it is...maybe not Alzheimer but some kind of dementia, She does act crazy,,,she gets on a "LOOP" of some kind and gets wiggy, says things that are irrational...like she cant get her groceries b/c the sun hurts her skin....and I tell her wear a long sleeve shirt but she cant get off the loop of this no matter how much you try to tell her that she wont be in the sun more than from the car to the store.. Truthfully I think she enjoys being the center of attention, getting me or my sister all worked up, she even seems to enjoy the "upset ness" of her irrational behavior, if that makes any sense. She WILL NOT follow through with anything all 4 local doctors have tried to treat her with. We have tried everything from medications for mysterious illnesses (unfounded by all the testing) to approaching it holistically. These "serious" ailments seem to go away after she has run everyone through the ringer over them. She is capable of taking care of herself and absolutely refuses any kind of hired help, is suspicious of our opinion that she needs someone to help her emotional issues...she refuses to believe her behavior is irrational.
But her behavior is irrational. she actually sounds wiggy,,,yesterday she had a meltdown in the morning as she was going out to get groceries, it escalated into a full blown what she calls "panic attacks" and when I try to talk her out of it she gets on another loop about something unrelated,and you CAN NOT calm her down unless you do want she want RIGHT NOW...yesterday it was going after her groceries. When I said I could not drop everything and go it got ugly...probably my fault as I have very little patience with being manipulated. She ended calling my about a dozen times throughout the day leaving messages on my service in a pitiful voice....about please go get her groceries...then by evening she has switched modes and is leaving messages like "hi its MOM just checking on you" in a cheery voice to a hateful message at 7:30 this morning demanding to know why I HATE HER SO MUCH. (and she is never up that early,,,,most of the time you cant talk to her till 9am.)
I am really struggling with all of this....is this normal?

thank you Beach Runner.

I think this is what it is...maybe not Alzheimer but some kind of dementia, She does act crazy,,,she gets on a "LOOP" of some kind and gets wiggy, says things that are irrational...like she cant get her groceries b/c the sun hurts her skin....and I tell her wear a long sleeve shirt but she cant get off the loop of this no matter how much you try to tell her that she wont be in the sun more than from the car to the store.. Truthfully I think she enjoys being the center of attention, getting me or my sister all worked up, she even seems to enjoy the "upset ness" of her irrational behavior, if that makes any sense. She WILL NOT follow through with anything all 4 local doctors have tried to treat her with. We have tried everything from medications for mysterious illnesses (unfounded by all the testing) to approaching it holistically. These "serious" ailments seem to go away after she has run everyone through the ringer over them. She is capable of taking care of herself and absolutely refuses any kind of hired help, is suspicious of our opinion that she needs someone to help her emotional issues...she refuses to believe her behavior is irrational.
But her behavior is irrational. she actually sounds wiggy,,,yesterday she had a meltdown in the morning as she was going out to get groceries, it escalated into a full blown what she calls "panic attacks" and when I try to talk her out of it she gets on another loop about something unrelated,and you CAN NOT calm her down unless you do want she want RIGHT NOW...yesterday it was going after her groceries. When I said I could not drop everything and go it got ugly...probably my fault as I have very little patience with being manipulated. She ended calling my about a dozen times throughout the day leaving messages on my service in a pitiful voice....about please go get her groceries...then by evening she has switched modes and is leaving messages like "hi its MOM just checking on you" in a cheery voice to a hateful message at 7:30 this morning demanding to know why I HATE HER SO MUCH. (and she is never up that early,,,,most of the time you cant talk to her till 9am.)
I am really struggling with all of this....is this normal?

Wow... has your mother ever been the "needy" type? Or is ALL of this new? If you don't mind, how old is she? Could she have had a stroke of some sort, something that drastically alters her behavior?
Gotta get a dr involved here.

I'm sorry, I should've been more explicit. I meant you should call her dr. and speak with them directly, even make an app't for a one on one (w/out either of your parents). They should advise you and put you in touch with the appropriate specialists.

I had to do just this very thing 8 - 10 yrs ago when my dad was living in Fla, Marianna to be exact. I had some very helpful docs who seemed to want to go that extra mile. They sensed my desperation. But it DID take a one on one appt. At least it helped get me started. Eventually, one thing leads to another, things begin to fall into place.

Her docs will know her past medical history, etc., there may be something awry. Blood tests should be done.

And you WILL have to be strong and temporarily asume the parental position. (Keep your armor on because she'll accuse you of everything under the sun -
ha!)

My parents primary care Dr. is at Eglin and I dont know who he is and at this point if I asked Mom I know she wouldnt tell me.
The first one I took her to was my Dr. and that was the start of her finding something wrong with the Dr. or his treatment...there was 3 others from that point on. Every test showed she is healthy...absolutely ...all were surprised their testing showed not a thing wrong....She has always been healthy as a horse physically...at 74 the only thing wrong is she has osteoporosis,,

Wow... has your mother ever been the "needy" type? Or is ALL of this new? If you don't mind, how old is she? Could she have had a stroke of some sort, something that drastically alters her behavior?
Gotta get a dr involved here.

She has had MRI, of the head and chest and full body scan too....nothing, well a little brain shrinkage which I was told is normal for her age.
she is 74,
I hate to say it but yes my mom has always been a "drama queen" but this stuff the last two yrs is way over the top and bordering on abusive.

all your comments and questions seem right, I have already asked them , acted on them,,,taken her to doctors,,,the problem for me, is, if you look at her she looks and acts like she is 90 and she is only 74 and there is no reason for her to look and act 94...and its killing me that I cant find the answers myself by researching and or finding a dr that can tell me why she is acting so strange.
Her husband is 94 and you cannot tell that there is 20 yrs difference in their age,she has become 94....its just not right...
Thats why I was looking for psychological help and for advice from someone else who has been though the elderly parents thing.
At what point do you take action-legal or otherwise to get them some help?
When is the appropriate time to demand,,,against their wishes....to make things better for them.

She has had MRI, of the head and chest and full body scan too....nothing, well a little brain shrinkage which I was told is normal for her age.
she is 74,
I hate to say it but yes my mom has always been a "drama queen" but this stuff the last two yrs is way over the top and bordering on abusive.

i think i read earlier that you have a sister. Do you have other siblings? Put your heads together, plot out a remedial plan, enlist help from some of her friends. I ended up using a few of my dad's friends. They coerced him into seeing things in a more sensible way. I couldn't have done it all w/out their help.

Does your mom or the family have an attorney who could help?

A few ultimatums put to your mom is not a bad idea to get her to tell you the name of her dr.

Is your dad any help?

And let's face it, she's gonna get PO'd at you big time. This is where the siblings can be of help, unless they were like mine - scared to take control of anything and would rather look the other way. :roll:


EDIT: I see where she does have a husband who's 94. No help there.

i think i read earlier that you have a sister. Do you have other siblings? Put your heads together, plot out a remedial plan, enlist help from some of her friends. I ended up using a few of my dad's friends. They coerced him into seeing things in a more sensible way. I couldn't have done it all w/out their help.

Does your mom or the family have an attorney who could help?

A few ultimatums put to your mom is not a bad idea to get her to tell you the name of her dr.

Is your dad any help?

And let's face it, she's gonna get PO'd at you big time. This is where the siblings can be of help, unless they were like mine - scared to take control of anything and would rather look the other way. :roll:


EDIT: I see where she does have a husband who's 94. No help there.

and she does not have any friends,,,its one of my huge issues with her,,,trying to tell her this is not right,its not healthy to live without friends.
My sister and I are both on the same page with what to do ....if we knew what to do and when to do it...we have been in a wait and see position for some time,,,,waiting for some signal or sign,,,,waiting for our "guts" to tell us its time.

thank you Beach Runner.

I think this is what it is...maybe not Alzheimer but some kind of dementia, She does act crazy,,,she gets on a "LOOP" of some kind and gets wiggy, says things that are irrational...like she cant get her groceries b/c the sun hurts her skin....and I tell her wear a long sleeve shirt but she cant get off the loop of this no matter how much you try to tell her that she wont be in the sun more than from the car to the store.. Truthfully I think she enjoys being the center of attention, getting me or my sister all worked up, she even seems to enjoy the "upset ness" of her irrational behavior, if that makes any sense. She WILL NOT follow through with anything all 4 local doctors have tried to treat her with. We have tried everything from medications for mysterious illnesses (unfounded by all the testing) to approaching it holistically. These "serious" ailments seem to go away after she has run everyone through the ringer over them. She is capable of taking care of herself and absolutely refuses any kind of hired help, is suspicious of our opinion that she needs someone to help her emotional issues...she refuses to believe her behavior is irrational.
But her behavior is irrational. she actually sounds wiggy,,,yesterday she had a meltdown in the morning as she was going out to get groceries, it escalated into a full blown what she calls "panic attacks" and when I try to talk her out of it she gets on another loop about something unrelated,and you CAN NOT calm her down unless you do want she want RIGHT NOW...yesterday it was going after her groceries. When I said I could not drop everything and go it got ugly...probably my fault as I have very little patience with being manipulated. She ended calling my about a dozen times throughout the day leaving messages on my service in a pitiful voice....about please go get her groceries...then by evening she has switched modes and is leaving messages like "hi its MOM just checking on you" in a cheery voice to a hateful message at 7:30 this morning demanding to know why I HATE HER SO MUCH. (and she is never up that early,,,,most of the time you cant talk to her till 9am.)
I am really struggling with all of this....is this normal?

Sounds just like my Mom at the beginning stages of dementia.

BTW before the first stages of dementia (or maybe it was part of it?) my Mom started insisting on being the center of attention. And if she wanted to get our attention (like once when we were checking in at Sandestin), she'd go to a complete stranger (in that case, the bellman) and tell the person that she was having chest pains, but that her family didn't care.

Oh, and when we moved my Mom to Newnan before the dementia kicked in, she told her new doctor that she was diabetic (not true), that she wasn't allowed to eat beef or pork (not true), and that she had a colon resection (not true). Thankfully, I was with her to set the record straight.

Also at the beginning of all of this, Mother was entirely capable of taking care of herself. Yet she accused our daughter of stealing money out of her checking account. Daughter doesn't know Mom's SSN, her account numbers, or even where she banks. I got a printout of every transaction for several years to document where Mom's money went and showed Mom that none of it went to daughter. But there were some strange debits. It turns out that several bogus "charities" plus some magazines (like "Highlights for Children" and one that sent her 10 recipes on index cards for $30 a month, yet she didn't cook!) had called Mom and asked for her banking info, she gave it to them, and they electronically debited money from her account every month. It took us forever to get that stopped. Finally we got power of attorney and changed all of her account numbers so that no more crooks could take her money. Again, this all happened before she was diagnosed with dementia.

TCline, it will be a learning process for you.

She has had MRI, of the head and chest and full body scan too....nothing, well a little brain shrinkage which I was told is normal for her age.
she is 74,
I hate to say it but yes my mom has always been a "drama queen" but this stuff the last two yrs is way over the top and bordering on abusive.

Mom's brain scan showed signs of dementia.

Mom also had always been a drama queen, but she became very abusive towards me. During the early stages I remember taking Mom to the doctor and then to a drugstore to get a prescription filled. She was refusing to get it filled and started screaming mean insults to me in the store. A crowd gathered. They called the police. I asked her to come with me and get in the car. She refused and said she would walk home. I told her to get in the car immediately because in my position I didn't want to get arrested for disturbing the peace. She finally got in the car just before the police arrived.

This all started when Mom was about 77.

Based on my experiences, your Mom has the classic symptoms of the beginning of dementia. Sorry.

Sounds just like my Mom at the beginning stages of dementia.

BTW before the first stages of dementia (or maybe it was part of it?) my Mom started insisting on being the center of attention. And if she wanted to get our attention (like once when we were checking in at Sandestin), she'd go to a complete stranger (in that case, the bellman) and tell the person that she was having chest pains, but that her family didn't care.

Oh, and when we moved my Mom to Newnan before the dementia kicked in, she told her new doctor that she was diabetic (not true), that she wasn't allowed to eat beef or pork (not true), and that she had a colon resection (not true). Thankfully, I was with her to set the record straight.

Also at the beginning of all of this, Mother was entirely capable of taking care of herself. Yet she accused our daughter of stealing money out of her checking account. Daughter doesn't know Mom's SSN, her account numbers, or even where she banks. I got a printout of every transaction for several years to document where Mom's money went and showed Mom that none of it went to daughter. But there were some strange debits. It turns out that several bogus "charities" plus some magazines (like "Highlights for Children" and one that sent her 10 recipes on index cards for $30 a month, yet she didn't cook!) had called Mom and asked for her banking info, she gave it to them, and they electronically debited money from her account every month. It took us forever to get that stopped. Finally we got power of attorney and changed all of her account numbers so that no more crooks could take her money. Again, this all happened before she was diagnosed with dementia.

TCline, it will be a learning process for you.

wow,,,your story about your mom does sound like what is happening to my mother,,,early stages. Its so exasperating because I still have completely lucid normal times with her, this is so sad to know where this is going.So it looks like I cannot let her rattle me like she has been doing because she's really not completely connecting the dots anymore. Again...this is so sad. What you say about your mom saying inappropriate things in public fits the scenario too,,,I was baffled by it, and embarrassed. I can see from your statements that you have been stressed, overwhelmed by this ,,,,where is you mom now? what did you do ?
how do you feel about assisted living type facilities?
Did or does you Mom know what is happening to her?
did you talk about it with her? as in tell her whats going on?
thank you so much for sharing your experience with me.
I have never really been around this kind of thing.
my grandparents died when I was very young.

all your comments and questions seem right, I have already asked them , acted on them,,,taken her to doctors,,,the problem for me, is, if you look at her she looks and acts like she is 90 and she is only 74 and there is no reason for her to look and act 94...and its killing me that I cant find the answers myself by researching and or finding a dr that can tell me why she is acting so strange.
Her husband is 94 and you cannot tell that there is 20 yrs difference in their age,she has become 94....its just not right...
Thats why I was looking for psychological help and for advice from someone else who has been though the elderly parents thing.
At what point do you take action-legal or otherwise to get them some help?
When is the appropriate time to demand,,,against their wishes....to make things better for them.

Okay, you need to get legal and medical power of attorney ASAP for both of them. Otherwise you will have no power to help them. This is what Mom's lawyer advised me when she first acted crazier than her usual crazy. Your parents will sign the papers because their generation is very respectful of lawyers and doctors and does not question their advice. You have their best interests in mind, so don't feel guilty. If you don't have that legal power, you will be in an impossible situation when they get ill. When Mom got really sick in April, she would not have received proper care because there would have been no one with the legal power to advocate on her behalf.

Get the papers signed ASAP!

Okay, you need to get legal and medical power of attorney ASAP for both of them. Otherwise you will have no power to help them. This is what Mom's lawyer advised me when she first acted crazier than her usual crazy. Your parents will sign the papers because their generation is very respectful of lawyers and doctors and does not question their advice. You have their best interests in mind, so don't feel guilty. If you don't have that legal power, you will be in an impossible situation when they get ill. When Mom got really sick in April, she would not have received proper care because there would have been no one with the legal power to advocate on her behalf.

Get the papers signed ASAP!

well some/most people of that generation might be respectful...but not my mother, she is still with it enough to react horribly to something like that. she has always been a control freak in the first degree. I do not know how I am going to get power of attorney, it wont happen without a horrible meltdown from her.
thats why I have to wonder if she is really as feeble as she likes to pretend...I think sometimes she has "dementia" on demand -when she needs it...

wow,,,your story about your mom does sound like what is happening to my mother,,,early stages. Its so exasperating because I still have completely lucid normal times with her, this is so sad to know where this is going.So it looks like I cannot let her rattle me like she has been doing because she's really not completely connecting the dots anymore. Again...this is so sad. What you say about your mom saying inappropriate things in public fits the scenario too,,,I was baffled by it, and embarrassed. I can see from your statements that you have been stressed, overwhelmed by this ,,,,where is you mom now? what did you do ?
how do you feel about assisted living type facilities?
Did or does you Mom know what is happening to her?
did you talk about it with her? as in tell her whats going on?
thank you so much for sharing your experience with me.
I have never really been around this kind of thing.
my grandparents died when I was very young.

I have never been around old folks either. This is an on-the-fly education for me.

Once we realized that Mom was "goofy", we hired a CNA to come in during the day to stay with her at her home. But one night she got up and fell. When the CNA arrived the next morning, Mom was on the floor. She had broken her hip, had to have surgery, was in the hospital for a week, and then in a rehab facility for several weeks. When rehab was over, we had already come to the conclusion that she couldn't be alone at night. Mother can afford to have 24/7 nursing care at home, but if a shift does a no-show, we're in a dilemma. Brother works thirty minutes away, I work an hour away, and sister is a plane ride away. There is no such thing as a substitute professor because no one anywhere nearby knows what I know, and classes can't be rescheduled because it's impossible to find an alternative time that works for everyone. Plus the class schedule is a legal contract with a student -- they or their parents are paying many thousands of dollars to take each of my classes, so I can't just do a no-show more than once or twice unless I personally am ill.

So we chose a small assisted-living facility. It is really nice, and we moved her furniture in so that she thinks she is at home.

Then in April she had an episode with a-fib and a huge blood clot. We were told that death was eminent. But the Heparin dissolved the clot, and she survived. We were told that she didn't have long to live, so we put her into hospice. She's a fighter -- she got too well for hospice ,and we moved her to rehab and has been there since Memorial Day weekend. She can't carry on a conversation, but last week when I asked her if there was anything I could do for her (not expecting an answer), she said, "Get me out of this place." She knows she is in a nursing home, and I have to explain to her repeatedly that she is in this place so that she can get strong enough to move back "home" -- to assisted living. I tell you, it is heartbreaking whenever she has her random lucid moments and I have to explain what is happening to her. I think that by the end of this month, she will be strong enough to move back to her apartment at assisted living, but we will hire CNA's around the clock to give her extra care. After my grandmother was in a nursing home, Mom has said that she would rather be dead than in a nursing home. So by getting Mom out of the nursing home (necessary for her rehab), we will be respecting her wishes.

Again, I am here for you. PM me whenever.

well some/most people of that generation might be respectful...but not my mother, she is still with it enough to react horribly to something like that. she has always been a control freak in the first degree. I do not know how I am going to get power of attorney, it wont happen without a horrible meltdown from her.
thats why I have to wonder if she is really as feeble as she likes to pretend...I think sometimes she has "dementia" on demand -when she needs it...

You will just have to deal with the meltdown. Just don't make a big deal about signing the papers. Tell them that it will protect their assets and health if they were to get ill (and this is true). If they decline, ask them to sign similar legal and medical power of attorney papers for you (which you don't have with you at the moment -- never present these papers to them ) and explain that if you get ill, you'd need someone to take care of your interests. That will seal the deal. They'll sign.

"Dementia on demand" -- LOL -- we didn't know what to call it before we were educated about dementia, but that's essentially what hubby used to say about Mom. If acting up helped her cause (like the fake chest pains), she'd use her "dementia on demand" to shut us down ("Oh, you are upsetting me. Are you trying to kill me? I am having chest pains."). I'm telling you, that's part of the first stages of dementia.

I just came back online and see that BR has told you what I was about to tell you and that's the power of attorney. You need to get a Durable power of attorney and you need to do it asap before your mother is deemed psychologically incompetent. Try to find an attorney who specializes in elder law (but any atty can do this too). Now is the time for you and your sister to start reaching out to friends and asking for help in finding an attorney.

As I said earlier, she will not be happy with you doing this but it is the only way to protect your mother's assets. Her assets (or their assets) will be what is used for her and her husband's long term care. She might accuse you of robbing her of her $$ but that goes along with this process, I am sorry to say. Sadly, there has always been that stigma with adult children securing the POA just to abuse their parent's money.

I'm sure there are those on the board who have more current information about this and have PM'd you with some guidance.

I can remember spending full days at the library reading every book I could on aging parents, state laws/provisions, etc. Each state is different. Going to the library is less distracting and it's all right at your fingertips. There's too much info online. It gets so very complicated.

Could it be that your mom is having some anxiety issues about the possibility of losing her 94-year-old husband soon?

Does she have any brothers and sisters you can talk to?

I think you'd be wise to get some counseling for yourself too.

/

geriatrics

this is difficult but I have come to the conclusion there is nothing more I can do to help with my elderly parents and what I think must be some kind of depression/anxiety attacks, it's time for professional help.
Does anyone have experience or knowledge of local counselors/psychotherapists dealing with this kind of thing?....I am at my wits end!

See if you can find someone who specializes in geriatrics. Your best bet is probably going to be someone who is connected to a medical teaching facility. Another resource would be your local commission on aging group. They typically maintain lists of qualified treatment providers. . If you go to a physician, counselor, psychiatrist or psychologist without the training in geriatrics you will likely find you are goijng in circles. I don't knoe where you are , but you could start by looking under geriatrics in yellow pages. If no luck , try lucking up commission on aging. Still no luck, try a local hospital and see whether you can get in touch with someone in the head of nursing dept. They usually know who has experinence with what populations and can tell you what docs are known for treating elderly. Do you have any connections in other locations? for ex., I know Bham has several geriatric specialists. Atlanta has Emory Medical school with all the connections that provides. My observation has been that the geriatric pop is very different from the general population. they can react to meds in paradoxical ways, some. tranqs will make them more anxious and nervous. Good Luck..it can be very difficult to cope with the complications of aging. We are dealing with this with a 90 YO and have benefited drom an excellent assisted living arrangement.

T. Cline, You are not alone.

We are going through something very similar with my MIL, but she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's a few years ago, and now has progressed much faster. She is prone to violent fits and dementia. Right now she is in a nursing home for a broken hip because she hit my SIL who tried to help her out of the car, then tripped on the curb. It most likely will be permanent.

However, many years ago, about the same age as your mother, (MIL is now 84) she had similar issues. One of the things that I found is that Drs. do not check the B-12 levels of their elderly patients as much as they should; since as we age, it doesn't absorb as well from foods. Low B-12 can cause dementia, anxiety, depression and a host of other symptoms. We asked her doctor to check it and we also bought her sublingual B-12 (under the tongue absorbs better). What do you know.... her B-12 level was way below the norm range it should have been. She got B-12 shots to get her boosted, then continued with the sublinguals. She also was given some Levapro, an antidepressant, which is extremely mild, but took the edge off. (they tend to give this to elderly patients who are depressed or anxious)

Good luck to you. I know this isn't easy, but we do what we have to do for family. I would recommend a Psychologists who can dispense medication, if necessary, Therapists can not.

T. Cline, You are not alone.

We are going through something very similar with my MIL, but she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's a few years ago, and now has progressed much faster. She is prone to violent fits and dementia. Right now she is in a nursing home for a broken hip because she hit my SIL who tried to help her out of the car, then tripped on the curb. It most likely will be permanent.

However, many years ago, about the same age as your mother, (MIL is now 84) she had similar issues. One of the things that I found is that Drs. do not check the B-12 levels of their elderly patients as much as they should; since as we age, it doesn't absorb as well from foods. Low B-12 can cause dementia, anxiety, depression and a host of other symptoms. We asked her doctor to check it and we also bought her sublingual B-12 (under the tongue absorbs better). What do you know.... her B-12 level was way below the norm range it should have been. She got B-12 shots to get her boosted, then continued with the sublinguals. She also was given some Levapro, an antidepressant, which is extremely mild, but took the edge off. (they tend to give this to elderly patients who are depressed or anxious)

Good luck to you. I know this isn't easy, but we do what we have to do for family. I would recommend a Psychologists who can dispense medication, if necessary, Therapists can not.

I didn't know about the B-12. Thanks for the info.

Mom got put on Depakote for her anger. But on April 30th when the doctor told us she would die that night, he took her off all meds except the Heparin and Cardizem for her a-fib. Then when she got too well to be in hospice, we put her back on Namenda and Exelon, but not the Depakote because her Alzheimer's has progressed to the point that she doesn't have the manic episodes any more.

In Georgia Mom's internist has always prescribed her all of her drugs.