For the Tide Fans:
Since Fran had to let Mike the webmaster go,Mike found another Job. Doing a letter for Coach O of Ole Miss. No more Friday with Fran its:
Wednesdays With Ed
"Well, hell, you can't stay in Oxford all the time.
Besides, we?ve already offered every able-bodied youngster in Mississippi and a few that ain't exactly able-bodied yet, but could be with a few advances in medical science. So I figured it was time to light out and beat the bushes (Editor?s Note: ?the bushes are dear friends of Dennis and Kim Franchione) in search of some more players who were BY-GOD Ole Miss material.
So I called Coach Luback, who coaches our defensive backs or kickers or some silly-ass non-defensive line position but does mix a fine dry martini, and our NCAA compliance guy, who we all call ?Lefty? ever since he tried to explain the ?A-P-R? to me and I tore off his left arm. I said ?Fellas, we?re going to Louisiana and I am going to find me some for-real FOOTBALL PLAYIN? SUM*****ES, which is what we need around here instead of these frat-party two-hand-touch SISSIES that we have right now! Meet me at the Coupe De Ville.!!?
So we went tear-assin? south across Mississippi and wasn?t too long until we were back in Bayou des Cheveaux, Louisiana. I pulled into town and jumped out of the car, and a lot of people there recognized me as sort of a celebrity since I am one of the eight gainfully-employed Cajuns in the United States of America. So I told those people, I said ?I?ve got some Starkviller ass to kick! DO YOU HAVE ANY FOOTBALL PLAYERS THAT CAN BY-GOD HELP ME??
One says, ?Well, Coach O, we got this big boy we call Baby Huey, lives down by the fertilizer mill, weighs about 400 pounds??
I says ?THAT AIN?T GOOD ENOUGH. We?ll offer him, but I?m not sure that he is BY-GOD OLE MISS material. What else you got??
?Well, there?s Wilmont DuPuy. Killed his daddy, so he?s locked away up at Angola now, but he?s a purty good athlete that might be able to bust out of prison two or three Saturdays in the fall and come help you??
?THAT STILL AIN?T GOOD ENOUGH! I?ll offer him but I need boys can suit up every damn week. Ain?t there anything else??
?So everybody looks around kind of funny and then this one fella says ?Well, there is Loup-Garou Tebeaux.?
The crowd gasps a little, like right before a fifty-crawdad belch. One or two little snot-nosed bastards start to cry. So I ask this ol? fella, I says ?What the hell is a Loup-Garou Tebeaux??
?We ain?t sure, Coach O. He lives way back in the swamp, or leastways we think he does. We ain?t exaxtly seen him and the last boys we sent in to look, they ain?t come back.?
?Well,? I says, ?go get me a pirogue because that sounds like BY-GOD OLE MISS MATERIAL to me.?
?We didn?t need no guide. Ed Orgeron ain?t never needed help polin? a pirogue. So it wasn?t too long before me and Luback and Lefty are in the darkest, blackest part of the bayou. We?re way past the stripped-out cars and the muskrat-trapper huts. We?re back where there?s nothing but the occasional gator, a few water moccasins and the faint smell of corn dogs in the air.
All of a sudden, we come up on a little lean-to with a coal fire out front and a bunch of bones ? dog, possum, gator, pelican ? outside. I say ?Boys, this might be the place??
So we go in. And there he is. Hair ain?t ever been cut. He?s either wearin? a gator hide, or it?s his hide that?s just growed that way. Bright yellow eyes he?s using to look up at me.
So I says ?Hotty Toddy! You Loup-Garou Teboux??
He raises up and says in this real deep voice:
?YOUR MOTHER SINGS ROCKY TOP IN HELL!!!!?
?No, son, my mother shucks oysters in a biker bar in Lake Charles, so you got to do A LOT BETTER THAN THAT.?
So then the room gets real cold, and this Loup-Garou lets loose a stream of green vomit that stinks like Starkville on a summer Sunday.
Coach Luback yells ?Holy Mother of Eli! Let?s get outta here, 0!?
I just turn to the boy and says ?Look, son, that carney bullcrap may work on these country coon-asses around here, but I am ED BY-GOD ORGERON. I have coached at Southern California! I have lived in Los Angeles! And when I did, by god, I once saw Rosie O?Donnell walking down the street IN BROAD BY-GOD DAYLIGHT wearing a halter top and a pair of pink pedal-pushers. So again, if you want to scare Coach O, you BETTER have something else!!!?
Well, about this time, the boy levitates himself about three feet off the ground, so he?s sitting cross-legged and still staring me in the eye at the same time. Then he starts turning his head, and he keeps turning it around and the neck bones start cracking until he?s spun around a full 360 degrees.
Wasn?t nothing else I could do in that situation, so I looked him square in the eye, ripped off my shirt and started to spin my head, too. Getting to 90 degrees was no problem. Then I kind of slowed down at that point, so I grabbed my nose with my right hand and started pullin? as hard as I could. Well, that got me to about 180 degrees so I?m looking straight-ass backwards at Luback and Lefty, but I couldn?t go any further.?
That seemed to calm the boy down, though. Showed we shared a common interest. Today?s high school athlete likes that. So he makes this low sound in his throat, and this old woman steps out of the shadows. And I mean ugly. Real ugly. So ugly she wouldn?t be popular at the Ole Miss staff Christmas party, if you know what I?m saying. She?s got one eye, and two gold teeth, and a chicken foot on a string around her neck.
?Is this your boy?? I says.
?Found him in the swamp,? she says.
So I yell ?Hey, Lefty, does ?found him in the swamp? constitute legal guardianship under the Rules of the N-C-By-God-Double-A??
?YES, COACH O!!!,? Lefty says. He says that a lot these days, especially when I reach over and get a good grip on his one arm.
?ALL RIGHT THEN! Well, old woman, we?re offering. A DAMN BONA-FIDE OLE MISS SCHOLARSHIP. He got any other offers??
?Ain?t no other coaches been here, but he?s got this,? she says, and holds out an ?Auburn Athletic Department? envelope. (?Tuberville!? I hiss.) It?s got a scholarship offer. Plus it?s got an Alabama depth chart showing that they got seven demon-possessed boys already on the team plus two more committed for next fall. And it?s got this? ? she handed me a well-gnawed Colonial Bank ATM card ? ?but the boy couldn?t eat it so it wasn?t no good to us.?
I says ?All right then, old woman. We can offer him all this, too. Plus we got some boosters that?ll run a hog into this swamp every Christmas if the boy comes to Ole Miss. That?s legal, ain?t it Lefty??
?YES, COACH O!!!?
?All right then,? I say to the old hag. ?What?s your answer, ?cause I ain?t got all BY-GOD day to hang around this hell-hole of a swamp, not with ?American Idol? coming on tonight.?
So she says ?Coach O, this is too big a decision for us to make without some guidance. You know what I mean??
?Yes, ma?am, I think I do.?
?So what we going to do is this. We going to have a one-hour special on ESPN2, and at the end of the show, I?m going to take a white stick and kill a black hen. If the hen?s blood spill out in a pattern of a hairy chest, then you got him. But if it spills out in a pattern of two giant ears, well, we thank you for your time.?
?Well, ma?am, I can?t ask for no more logical and fair decision-making process than that. We?ll be in touch.?
?So we headed back to Oxford. But we?re going to keep recruiting Tebeaux, even if he is leading us on. Believe me, if a boy is possessed by Satan himself, Auburn has some built-in advantages. But at Ole Miss, we ARE NOT QUITTERS! Sometimes, recruiting is easy. You go in, drink a beer with Daddy, eat some of Mama?s fried chicken, then you beat the hell out of the boy until he commits. You?d hope they were all that simple, but they ain?t.
?But a boy who can levitate four feet in the air and spew green vomit, I can use that boy down on the goal-line. That boy is BY-GOD OLE MISS MATERIAL!! So I'm going to keep on workin'..."
?Damn, I?m getting wordy. I ain?t produced something that long since I ate a whole box of granola one time. But anyway, we?re taking a few weeks off so my damned annoying editor can go back to Texas and help Coach Franny Francis, or whatever his damn name is, with his late-night crying-jag problem. We will continue the three-part series in Mrs. O?s Corner, where she talks about her early years in professional wrestling.
Be of good cheer.
http://www.tiderinsider.com/forum/classics/060426-1.html
...looks like I will be passing on the title of football genius very soon! 
I love that about him. 
well, we know she was honest with her picks!
Whitney I love you and it was great to "watch" the end of them game with you.