Friday Funny Early!!!

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while
they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped
into the deep end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly
jumped in to save him.

She swam to the bottom, pulled Jim out and brought him to his room.

When the hospital director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she
immediately ordered that Edna be discharged from the hospital because
she now considered Edna to be mentally stable.

She went to Edna and said, "I have some good news and some bad news.
The good news is that you're being discharged because you responded so
rationally to a crisis.

By jumping in the pool to save the life of another patient, you
displayed sound mindedness. The bad news is that Jim, the patient you
saved, hung himself in his bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after
you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry.

How soon can I go home?"

Good one!! :floor: :floor:

Now what am I supposed to do on Friday for my funny?:idontno:

Now what am I supposed to do on Friday for my funny?:idontno:

There's no doubt I will post something completely off color and inappropriate tomorrow.

I am in the lounge, so that means I can post pretty much anything I want, right Kurt? JB, seems to have a problem with the mindless chatter going on. If it is a problem for you Kurt, just let me know. In the mean time, here is something quite funny.

This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Wal-Mart inArkansas. They hired him because he was so funny..

NAME: George Martin

SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one that
will cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously,
whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be
applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz
style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can
haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and
post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS? Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50lbs.? Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR? I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs? "

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION? I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE? On the job - no, on my breaks - yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS? Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE? 7 miles

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE? Oh yes, absolutely.

Now what am I supposed to do on Friday for my funny?:idontno:

I am sure that I will have something new for tomorrow. 😀

There's no doubt I will post something completely off color and inappropriate tomorrow.

I am counting on you LL!!!!!

Ok, before anyone says anything about the JB comment...I have been enlightened on another thread. Should have read that first before posting. Sorry JB, and nevermind Kurt!!1 :blink:

Well that was a funny read. You better top that one for tomorrow's friday funny.

Hey! I'm an official beach bum now!

"So I got that goin' for me. Which is nice."

Ok, before anyone says anything about the JB comment...I have been enlightened on another thread. Should have read that first before posting. Sorry JB, and nevermind Kurt!!1 :blink:

It was my fault....sorry everyone. I apologized to JB on a new thread for inadvertantly responding to an old post. I should have double-checked the date before I responded. That's what I get for trying to check new posts from by cubicle here at work. :bang:

It was my fault....sorry everyone. I apologized to JB on a new thread for inadvertantly responding to an old post. I should have double-checked the date before I responded. That's what I get for trying to check new posts from by cubicle here at work. :bang:

No problem...and I should have read before I posted my remark also. JB, no hard feelings....Roll Tide!!!!!

Hey! I'm an official beach bum now!

"So I got that goin' for me. Which is nice."

:bow: :bow: :bow:

Well that was a funny read. You better top that one for tomorrow's friday funny.

I will, I got one in the wings waiting. 😀

I will, I got one in the wings waiting. 😀

One more for the road!

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.

"Miss Beatrice", he said. "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.

"Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful?" "I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter."

One more for the road!

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.

"Miss Beatrice", he said. "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.

"Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful?" "I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter."

:rofl: :floor: