Deciding Where to Retire
You can Live in MAINE where...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco .
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.
OR...
You can live in PHOENIX , AZ where...
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
OR...
You can Live in CALIFORNIA where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought
OR...
You can Live in NEW YORK CITY where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan .
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn.
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
OR...
You can live in the DEEP SOUTH where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jim Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
OR...
You can live in COLORADO where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
OR...
You can live in the MIDWEST where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"
OR...
You can live in FLORIDA where.
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind - even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.
Replies
18
Beach Fanatic
:rofl: 
Meow
:funn: ...omg, these were priceless!!! 
Beach Fanatic
too funny
fartblossom
i am definitely in the midwest - would consider maine tho....
SoWal Insider
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
We did this exact thing yesterday, only A/C to heat! Our heat is ON!!!
We did this exact thing yesterday, only A/C to heat! Our heat is ON!!!
SoWal Insider
Funny!
SoWal Insider
:rofl: Sounds like life already for me. 
hmmmm......can't remember
Deadly accurate...Heard on the radio about yesterday that you can buy a parking space for $225,000. 
My neighbors in the South bought their house for half that, and park 4 extremely large fishing boats, a couple of working cars, a couple more non-working cars, a dumpster and a storage pod. What a bargain! (The irony is that they have a double carport and a ginormous detatched garage, but there is no rooom in either of them for a vehicle.)
Went on a tangent. Sorry about that!
My neighbors in the South bought their house for half that, and park 4 extremely large fishing boats, a couple of working cars, a couple more non-working cars, a dumpster and a storage pod. What a bargain! (The irony is that they have a double carport and a ginormous detatched garage, but there is no rooom in either of them for a vehicle.)Went on a tangent. Sorry about that!
Beach Fanatic
Those were good, Vicki Renee. 
I know, I need a killin' for that don't I. 
Beach Fanatic
OH SO TRUE!!!!:funn: :funn:
You can live in the MIDWEST where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"
You can live in the MIDWEST where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"
SoWal ExpertAuthor
:angry:
picky
Deciding Where to Retire
OR...
You can live in FLORIDA where.
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind - even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.
I shouldn't be laughing but I am! Last week I flew down to Naples to visit my parents and here's the poop:
1. If you originally hail from the Northeast, you can be daring and eat dinner at 4 :15 pm (we did ;-) ).
2. So I go out to pick up a pizza and as soon as I get to the pizza joint, the guy at the counter says to me "Your mother called to remind you to use the coupon for the free hot wings." (no I'm not joking about this
).3. Everyone can recommend a good dermatologist, a good endocrinologist, a good cardiologist, a good internist, and a good anything "ist." (trust me, it's true
).4. There's no such thing in Naples as a road without orange construction cones.
5. There are no headless drivers in my family ever since my mother decided she liked being driven around town rather than driving around town.
Thanks DD for the laugh!!!~
SoWal ExpertAuthor
I shouldn't be laughing but I am! Last week I flew down to Naples to visit my parents and here's the poop:
1. If you originally hail from the Northeast, you can be daring and eat dinner at 4 :15 pm (we did ;-) ).
2. So I go out to pick up a pizza and as soon as I get to the pizza joint, the guy at the counter says to me "Your mother called to remind you to use the coupon for the free hot wings." (no I'm not joking about this
3. Everyone can recommend a good dermatologist, a good endocrinologist, a good cardiologist, a good internist, and a good anything "ist." (trust me, it's true
4. There's no such thing in Naples as a road without orange construction cones.
5. There are no headless drivers in my family ever since my mother decided she liked being driven around town rather than driving around town.
Thanks DD for the laugh!!!~
No, thank you!picky
Or me either! I can't say I'd pick Naples as my place of retirement, no sireee bob.
SoWal ExpertAuthor
Or me either! I can't say I'd pick Naples as my place of retirement, no sireee bob.
I knew that didn't come out right...I meant, no...THANK YOU for the laughs!! But, Naples....might not be so bad...
picky
I knew that didn't come out right...I meant, no...THANK YOU for the laughs!! But, Naples....might not be so bad...
NaPLES is funn but SoWal is funner.
SoWal ExpertAuthor
NaPLES is funn but SoWal is funner.
;-)
Beach Fanatic
2. So I go out to pick up a pizza and as soon as I get to the pizza joint, the guy at the counter says to me "Your mother called to remind you to use the coupon for the free hot wings." (no I'm not joking about this
:funn: This is cracking me up!
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