I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, "Hi! I'm Belinda!" This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, "All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?"
I'm thinking, "Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science." Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors. With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and Said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?'
Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, So why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other boob wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the power went off!
"Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag." Belinda headed for the door.
"Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are You?" I shouted.
Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right Back."
Before I could shout "NOOOO!" she disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and part of me dangling from the Jaws of life and the other part smashed between glass!
After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going" type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.
Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible "Uh, yes, yes I did thanks."
"You bet, take care" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.
Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, "Oh I am Sooo sorry!" . "The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?"
And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps....
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Replies
19
Beach Fanatic
Ladyde this story is the funniest thing I've read in a long time. only you my friend
hmmmm......can't remember
Dear GAWD. There is a special place in h3!! for Belinda.
SoWal InsiderAuthor
Ladyde this story is the funniest thing I've read in a long time. only you my friend
CP, I could not quit laughing as I read this. I couldn't let the opportunity pass to be able to share this one.
Beach Fanatic
I would say Belinda got off easy....real easy. :boxing: 
Beach Fanatic
Note to self...
Prostate exam is not that bad....:funn:
Prostate exam is not that bad....:funn:
beats on hood
and This is true -- a woman in Arizona was havng a cat scan, and the staff forgot about her, left for the day, and she was trapped in the machine. If you have ever had a cat scan, you know how claustrophobic it is. She managed to squeeze out of the machine, but then she couldn't leave the building because it had double dead bolts! I would so be suing that clinic. Oh, and that had happened before at that clinic.
When my daughter was in high school, she had an MRI of her spine at Children's Healthcare of Atlanta at Scottish Rite (basketball injury). They forgot about her. She said she was so scared and felt claustrophobic, so she just started counting. I forget how far she said she got. I wondered why it was taking so long. In retrospect, I wish I had asked. Now she refuses to have anything but an open MRI, and even that traumatizes her.
Truly funny story, BTW, Lady D ... that is, as long as it didn't happen to me.
SoWal Insider
Love it, Ladyd! 
got any pics?
gotta love those mammograms
SoWal Insider
are you s*&(%*@)n me?? I mean it's funny in writing yeah, but ....NOT IN REAL LIFE! I hope you really did put her freakin head in those clamps. This is not amusing. What is wrong with these people?
Beach Fanatic
Funny LadyD!
There was more than 1 exam going on here:
Mammogram + Lung Capacity (for use in screaming one's head off!!)
There was more than 1 exam going on here:
Mammogram + Lung Capacity (for use in screaming one's head off!!)
FunnChef - AlisonCooks.com
are you s*&(%*@)n me?? I mean it's funny in writing yeah, but ....NOT IN REAL LIFE! I hope you really did put her freakin head in those clamps. This is not amusing. What is wrong with these people?It's a JOKE sunspot......
This has been circulating the net for YEARS...it is NOT true
got any pics?
are you s*&(%*@)n me?? I mean it's funny in writing yeah, but ....NOT IN REAL LIFE! I hope you really did put her freakin head in those clamps. This is not amusing. What is wrong with these people?
SoWal Insider
It's a JOKE sunspot......
This has been circulating the net for YEARS...it is NOT true
Oh
Sorry, that made me really mad and I'm wondering ...do I go get my mammogram now or take my chances
Thanks for clarifying.FunnChef - AlisonCooks.com
Ohthe new mamo machines are not as bad as the older ones...hopefully you will get a good tech and a new machine!
SoWal InsiderAuthor
are you s*&(%*@)n me?? I mean it's funny in writing yeah, but ....NOT IN REAL LIFE! I hope you really did put her freakin head in those clamps. This is not amusing. What is wrong with these people?
Sorry sunspotbaby, I should have mentioned this being a joke when I started this thread. I found this on this woman's website for women that are pre-menopausal or menopausal. I look at that site all the time.
Beach Lover
the new mamo machines are not as bad as the older ones...hopefully you will get a good tech and a new machine!
Just had one last Thursday, a new digital one, and I have to disagree. They seem to have made the technology better for the docs, but the vice grips are just as bad. Funny, but I have never looked down before, and I decided to do just that during the side view. My boob looked like a big, fat cookie. Made me feel sick.SoWal InsiderAuthor
They have problems getting mine on the plate far enough to squish them as I do not have really big boobs, just average. What I hate is for them to have to squish them again because they didn't get as much in the xray as they wanted the first squishing. So each one of mine got squished twice two years ago.
They started using the digital imaging, or CAD, also along with the mammogram where I go about 3 years ago. I gotta have one in early December.Edited
SoWal Expert
My poor mom had a scary couple of weeks because the doctor skooshed her weird during the exam and then they thought she had a tumor after the mammogram. Let's start requiring penile-ograms and watch the technology increase by leaps and bounds! :angry:
SoWal Insider
My poor mom had a scary couple of weeks because the doctor skooshed her weird during the exam and then they thought she had a tumor after the mammogram. Let's start requiring penile-ograms and watch the technology increase by leaps and bounds! :angry:
Amen Sista!
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