Maude and Mable
Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Maude: What in the hell is that?
Mable: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Maude: Where did you get it?
Mable: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.
"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."
The pharmacist fainted.
Replies
24
SoWal Expert
Fits on a Camel. 
little sugar
Good one KD...... I have to pass this on to my best friend who works with the elderly everyday.....she will love it 
got any pics?
Yikes :rofl:
Beach Fanatic
Last week George Bush was asked his position on Roe v. Wade. He said
it didn't matter to him how people get out of New Orleans.
it didn't matter to him how people get out of New Orleans.
Beach Fanatic
Where do you get these KD?!!!
Beach Fanatic
Last week George Bush was asked his position on Roe v. Wade. He said
it didn't matter to him how people get out of New Orleans.
:shock: :shock:
Darlene is my middle name, not my nicknameAuthor
Where do you get these KD?!!!
Well they usually just show up in my inbox from my friends..wish I was clever enough to think them up myself!!!!
Beach Fanatic
Last week George Bush was asked his position on Roe v. Wade. He said
it didn't matter to him how people get out of New Orleans.
LOL! :clap_1:
Beach Fanatic
Mean joke
A Woman walks into a supermarket and buys:
bar of soap
toothbrush
tube toothpaste
loaf of bread
pint of milk
single serving cereal
single serving frozen dinner
The guy at the checkout looks at her and says "Single are you?" The woman replies very sarcastically "How did you guess?" He replies, "Because you're ugly."
A Woman walks into a supermarket and buys:
bar of soap
toothbrush
tube toothpaste
loaf of bread
pint of milk
single serving cereal
single serving frozen dinner
The guy at the checkout looks at her and says "Single are you?" The woman replies very sarcastically "How did you guess?" He replies, "Because you're ugly."
Darlene is my middle name, not my nicknameAuthor
Mean joke
A Woman walks into a supermarket and buys:
bar of soap
toothbrush
tube toothpaste
loaf of bread
pint of milk
single serving cereal
single serving frozen dinner
The guy at the checkout looks at her and says "Single are you?" The woman replies very sarcastically "How did you guess?" He replies, "Because you're ugly."
I've heard this one, but I love it. It still cracks me up everytime.
picky
From one of my friends, who is a blonde, and sends me all these blonde jokes:
A blonde was sitting on the train reading the
> newspaper. The headline blared, "12 Brazilian
> Soldiers Killed." She shook her head at the sad
> news, then turned to the stranger sitting next to
> her and asked, "How many is a Brazilian?"
A blonde was sitting on the train reading the
> newspaper. The headline blared, "12 Brazilian
> Soldiers Killed." She shook her head at the sad
> news, then turned to the stranger sitting next to
> her and asked, "How many is a Brazilian?"
Darlene is my middle name, not my nicknameAuthor
From one of my friends, who is a blonde, and sends me all these blonde jokes:
A blonde was sitting on the train reading the
> newspaper. The headline blared, "12 Brazilian
> Soldiers Killed." She shook her head at the sad
> news, then turned to the stranger sitting next to
> her and asked, "How many is a Brazilian?"
:rofl:
beats on hood
Have I told this one before?
Two guys saw a male dog licking itself you-know-where. One of them said, "I wish I could do that." The other one said, "That dog would BITE YOUUUUU!"
Two guys saw a male dog licking itself you-know-where. One of them said, "I wish I could do that." The other one said, "That dog would BITE YOUUUUU!"
bean
Have I told this one before?
Two guys saw a male dog licking itself you-know-where. One of them said, "I wish I could do that." The other one said, "That dog would BITE YOUUUUU!"
EWWWWWWWW!
Lots of good ones today! Thanks for the laughs!Beach Fanatic
Have I told this one before?
Two guys saw a male dog licking itself you-know-where. One of them said, "I wish I could do that." The other one said, "That dog would BITE YOUUUUU!"
That's one of my alltime favorites
margarita brocolia
Last week George Bush was asked his position on Roe v. Wade. He said:rofl: Had to pass that one on! Funnny.
it didn't matter to him how people get out of New Orleans.
Beach Fanatic
:rofl: Had to pass that one on! Funnny.
I have to admit that I had a blonde moment when I read that joke. It took me about 3 times reading it to get it but when I did, I burst out in laughter. Good one. :clap_1:
beats on hood
:rofl: Had to pass that one on! Funnny.HILARIOUS! I love GW, but let's face it, he's not as smooth as Bill (as verified by the Larry King interview on CNN last week).
margarita brocolia
HILARIOUS! I love GW, but let's face it, he's not as smooth as Bill (as verified by the Larry King interview on CNN last week).
Missed Larry King - can only imagine.
GW seems a genuinely nice guy but thinking back about what Ann Richards said about his father "Born with a silver spoon in his mouth" (Is that the right quote?) Anyway, GW sure seems born with a "silver foot in the mouth". Can't think fast on his feet like smoothy Bill.
beats on hood
Missed Larry King - can only imagine.Exactly.
GW seems a genuinely nice guy but thinking back about what Ann Richards said about his father "Born with a silver spoon in his mouth" (Is that the right quote?) Anyway, GW sure seems born with a "silver foot in the mouth". Can't think fast on his feet like smoothy Bill.
Meow
Missed Larry King - can only imagine.
GW seems a genuinely nice guy but thinking back about what Ann Richards said about his father "Born with a silver spoon in his mouth" (Is that the right quote?) Anyway, GW sure seems born with a "silver foot in the mouth". Can't think fast on his feet like smoothy Bill.
Also doesn't smoke cigars!!!
I was once again disappointed in Bill...not "very elder statesman like" to rag on the President,(about Katrina response)... who has brought you on board in a position of charity awareness that makes you look good in the eyes of a lot of us that thought you were kind of scummy!
SoWal Staff
Last week George Bush was asked his position on Roe v. Wade. He said
it didn't matter to him how people get out of New Orleans.
That's funny. I heard the same thing but N.O.'s Ray Nagan said it.
margarita brocolia
Also doesn't smoke cigars!!!
I was once again disappointed in Bill...not "very elder statesman like" to rag on the President,(about Katrina response)... who has brought you on board in a position of charity awareness that makes you look good in the eyes of a lot of us that thought you were kind of scummy!
Are there political science classes that teach would-be politicians how to turn all situations into supposed "political" opportunities? Or is this an ability some are born with? I too was disappointed with Bill. He could approach that topic at a later, more appropriate time, if he must.
Meow
Are there political science classes that teach would-be politicians how to turn all situations into supposed "political" opportunities? Or is this an ability some are born with? I too was disappointed with Bill. He could approach that topic at a later, more appropriate time, if he must.
Great question, Nice Rita*. IMO... "Career politicians" seem to be born with it...I have known a few and they never change, even after leaving offfice. I do know of image companies that can teach you spinning skills that unfortunately have become more and more popular with politicians and people in the media alike.
*Nice Rita is our friend! The other Rita is a biatch!
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