Pet Rules

PET RULESTo be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to th e fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your c lothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

Don't know so much about this one. Schnauzer man him a beer from time to time!!!:funn:

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

:funn: You might want to add that running you over in a attempt to be the first one in the house will not get the food bowl filled any faster. And definitely is not a good thing when carrying bags of groceries. (one of my pups favorite things to do.)

DD, this is all so true! Daisy used to sleep with Philippa and follow her to the bathroom in the morning. She'd wait outside the door until Philippa was done with her shower, but if Fyl took too long she'd start banging the door and mewing. It was the sweetest little morning ritual ever.

Oh, and it is going to take years! to get all the fur off our furniture.

Thanks, I needed that!

Love it, and all so true!!!!!!

dd, This is one of the best I've read in some time!
:rofl:

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This is the best thing that I've read in a long time.

Yes, what is it about cats and dogs following us into the bathrooms?
Our Pippi cat does this to MANgo every morning. They're like peepers.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to th e fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

I swear to God, this is Sweetie! I have threatened to just move to another room and let her and FFF have the whole damn bed! :roll: How can one 12 pound dog take up so much space?!

great list, thanks.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

Every time I go up or down my stairs, I feel like the pied piper. All three of my furry friends must accompany me every time, and Figaro (tuxedo cat) must reach the top or bottom first. No exceptions. They sound like a herd of elephants, I'm sure my neighbors love it...

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to th e fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

I swear to God, this is Sweetie! I have threatened to just move to another room and let her and FFF have the whole damn bed! :roll: How can one 12 pound dog take up so much space?!

Try sharing with two 50 pound dogs and one 14 pound cat.:shock: I thought sleeping in a king sized bed meant stretching out, not curling up like a fetus. Of course I wouldn't have it any other way, and Bdarg gets up first and runs them all out so I can have the whole bed for a bit.

Too funny, DD. I have actually slept on the floor by the bed because the dog was taking up too much space on the bed. Last night it was in the 20's outside and the dog had managed to steal the duvet and top sheet away from me. She wouldn't budge. I didn't want to get up and rearrange the covers because I was afraid I would totally wake up and not be able to go back to sleep. So I just shivered.

I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one! When I think about it, a large part of my day consists of pleasing/wrangling/feeding.

These are wonderful!!! We have a king and it just isn't big enough!! Thanks DD

I love every single word of this!!!!!!!!! I wish I could complain about lulu the 90 pound girl dog sleeping in my bed, but alas she isn't allowed in the bed (not my rule). once in a blue moon, however, when her pappy is out of the house (preferrably out of town), she will get to join me in the king sized bed. she strictly stays on her own side, bless her heart. she's so considerate and surely wants to get to stay on the bed on this rare occasion. plus, I think she's a little afraid that she might get caught.


the best:

speaking of pet rules, what about PET MANNERS?

as I type, Lulu is sleeping on the floor just next to my feet. I really do wish she had gotten up and walked into the bathroom to release that horrible gas. I mean, get some manners Lulu!