Snappy comebacks

In the last two days I've received several political smear emails. I've been trying to think of witty replies. Here's my most recent:

"Thanks! I almost always make my voting decisions based on hateful partisan viral emails. This will come in really handy! Do you perhaps know of a multi-level marketing scheme in which I might invest as well?"

I was thinking it might be fun to share some ideas on how to respond to these nasty little boogers.

Email, I just delete. Phone calls I tell them they have to listen to me sing before I will listen to their pitch. They hang up rather quickly

Or maybe you could tell them you are still waiting for the mothership to beam their voting choice down to you. Sorry, the last two days of rain have made me wackier than usual.

...I am always at a loss when it comes to snappy comebacks.

Actually, yesterday I picked up an 866 phone call...it was my electric company telling me thank you for being such a valued customer. :roll: She then tried to get me to sign up for some program that would entitle me to a 1% cash back Visa card based on my electric usage. I laughed and told her not to bother and to just lower my rate. She laughed with me and told me she would pass my message on. What a crock!

BTW -- these emails aren't coming from candidates....they are the ones that come out of nowhere and people just forward them on....you know, the "McCain is crazy from being a POW and has a black daughter" one, the "Barack Hussein Obama plans to serve malt liquor and chicken at the Inauguration" things.

BTW -- these emails aren't coming from candidates....they are the ones that come out of nowhere and people just forward them on....you know, the "McCain is crazy from being a POW and has a black daughter" one, the "Barack Hussein Obama plans to serve malt liquor and chicken at the Inauguration" things.

People you know???

When telemarketers would ask for the man of the house then the woman of the house then ask "Well just to whom am I speaking?" my Dad would respond "the burglar" and that he was just passing through. But as far as e-mails I would ignore them as anything you have to say will make no difference to the sender unless you suggest that you are going to make sure their tongues are ripped out of their throats by the roots or some such. But doing that has its own repercussions. Scary is heeded more than witty yet scary is actionable.

BTW -- these emails aren't coming from candidates....they are the ones that come out of nowhere and people just forward them on....you know, the "McCain is crazy from being a POW and has a black daughter" one, the "Barack Hussein Obama plans to serve malt liquor and chicken at the Inauguration" things.

Delete, Delete, Delete.........except for one like that I sent back with all three candidates voting records attached. Didn't get a response. Sometimes I send the link to snopes.com

People you know???

If this is true then it changes my previous posting and witty responses can surely be composed. Forward all your e-mails to Shelly and once he gets fed up you can then forward all of Shelly's responses to you back to the people who originally sent the e-mails your way. Problem solved.

Here's my usual boilerplate response:

Barring any acts of cannabilism, writing a book with Tom Cruise, verifiable DNA evidence my candidate is a direct descendent of aliens living underground at Area 51 bent on destruction of the universe, or turns into a werewolf during full moons, I have already made a decision about a candidate. Even if the above does prove true, it won't possibly be as scary as your fearmongering and uninformed diatribe.

Here's my usual boilerplate response:

Barring any acts of cannabilism, writing a book with Tom Cruise, verifiable DNA evidence my candidate is a direct descendent of aliens living underground at Area 51 bent on destruction of the universe, or turns into a werewolf during full moons, I have already made a decision about a candidate. Even if the above does prove true, it won't possibly be as scary as your fearmongering and uniformed diatrabe.

Or in other words, "Bite Me."

Here's my usual boilerplate response:

Barring any acts of cannabilism, writing a book with Tom Cruise, verifiable DNA evidence my candidate is a direct descendent of aliens living underground at Area 51 bent on destruction of the universe, or turns into a werewolf during full moons, I have already made a decision about a candidate. Even if the above does prove true, it won't possibly be as scary as your fearmongering and uninformed diatrabe.

Excellent. I will borrow this one!

Here's my usual boilerplate response:

Barring any acts of cannabilism, writing a book with Tom Cruise, verifiable DNA evidence my candidate is a direct descendent of aliens living underground at Area 51 bent on destruction of the universe, or turns into a werewolf during full moons, I have already made a decision about a candidate. Even if the above does prove true, it won't possibly be as scary as your fearmongering and uninformed diatrabe.

very good. A+. go to the head of the class. 4 gold stars.

I got a pretty nasty one today about Barack Hussein Obama. it was so loaded with bigotry and lies. I wanted to respond. I wrote a response that was pretty positive, just briefly stating that I felt obama was the right choice for me, and his policies in which I believe most. But, then I thought "why the hail am I responding to this a-hole email written by someone I don't even know?" it was mindlessly forwarded to me by a family member. I hit delete and went on about my business.

This kind of email is considered "political satire". but the tone and words were too base to qualify for satire. when someone chooses to forward an email, they are saying it is good enough for them to send on, and to hell with whether it offends someone.

I like to see emails on candidates that tell something positive or something about the candidate (even if negative). at least that gives you something to think about whether you like the message or not.

a good joke however, is always welcome in my inbox. and I've seen some about my candidate that had me rolling. awful, but hilarious too.

possible response:
how about "this email makes baby jesus very sad". with a sad baby jesus smilie?

I love funny political stuff about ALL of the candidates, but when e-mails cross the truth line- not so funny anymore.

TFT- I have misplaced that great website that is the political rumor clearing house. Can you help me out? Snopes.com and your suggested website are the first lines of defense against ignorant e-mails.

Toots- I know how ya feel. There are a few people that when I see their address in my inbox, I roll my eyes and think "Here we go. What load of crap did they fall for today?" And thank them so much for thinking I am as big of a sucker as they are!

Here's my usual boilerplate response:

Barring any acts of cannabilism, writing a book with Tom Cruise, verifiable DNA evidence my candidate is a direct descendent of aliens living underground at Area 51 bent on destruction of the universe, or turns into a werewolf during full moons, I have already made a decision about a candidate. Even if the above does prove true, it won't possibly be as scary as your fearmongering and uninformed diatribe.

I like to tell them that I'm a cannibal who is writing a book about Tom Cruise, directly descended from aliens, etc., so that sounds good to me in a leader.

Also in the "sounds good" category: malt liquor and wings at the inauguration. This country has always been too frou-frou.

I lost a long time friendship after I "replied all" to an email in 2004 about encouraging Americans to not buy the Muslim stamp. WTF? I just couldn't help myself.

A friend recently forwarded me the Who Is Obama? email about his being a radical Muslim, complete with a "We checked this out on 'snopes.com'. It is factual. Check for yourself."

I didn't say what I really wanted to say so I simply replied with "Snopes.com actually says the statement that he is a ?radical, ideological Muslim? is false and further provides information on what, in my humble opinion, is Obama?s refreshingly diverse background.

http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/muslim.asp"

I lost a long time friendship after I "replied all" to an email in 2004 about encouraging Americans to not buy the Muslim stamp. WTF? I just couldn't help myself.

A friend recently forwarded me the Who Is Obama? email about his being a radical Muslim, complete with a "We checked this out on 'snopes.com'. It is factual. Check for yourself."

I didn't say what I really wanted to say so I simply replied with "Snopes.com actually says the statement that he is a “radical, ideological Muslim” is false and further provides information on what, in my humble opinion, is Obama’s refreshingly diverse background.

<A href="http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/muslim.asp"[/quote">http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/muslim.asp"

we do "reply" and suffer consequences sometimes. if you reply with your honest opinion because you feel its the right thing to do, then you must be prepared for the consequences.

we live and learn. email can be dangerous in a number of ways. its not really the best way to communicate with one another.

your replay about obama is nothing but the facts ma'am. good for you.

We haven't received any email or snail mail regarding any political candidate. We did receive a lot of pre-recorded calls before the Georgia primary, but because they were recorded, we didn't get the pleasure of making a witty comeback.

When we receive unwanted phone calls, my husband always says, "I don't have time to talk right now. Let me have your home phone number so I can bother *you* at home."

When a phone call comes in and I don't recognize the number on the caller id, I'll pick up the phone and say, "Police Department." It really confuses them.

I love funny political stuff about ALL of the candidates, but when e-mails cross the truth line- not so funny anymore.

TFT- I have misplaced that great website that is the political rumor clearing house. Can you help me out? Snopes.com and your suggested website are the first lines of defense against ignorant e-mails.

Toots- I know how ya feel. There are a few people that when I see their address in my inbox, I roll my eyes and think "Here we go. What load of crap did they fall for today?" And thank them so much for thinking I am as big of a sucker as they are!

www.politifact.com

I recently made the mistake of congratulating someone, via email, about her new grandbaby. We had not previously exchanged emails. In the past two or three months I have received no fewer than 50 stupid forwards from her. I like her ... she is very sweet, don't want to tick her off, and none of them has been political. So I haven't said anything, but now it is making me

www.politifact.com

I recently made the mistake of congratulating someone, via email, about her new grandbaby. We had not previously exchanged emails. In the past two or three months I have received no fewer than 50 stupid forwards from her. I like her ... she is very sweet, don't want to tick her off, and none of them has been political. So I haven't said anything, but now it is making me

I had a friend that did that, so I just set up a message rule that sent everything that came from her with FW: in the subject line back to her again. It stopped after a couple of weeks.

Or in other words, "Bite Me."

Excellent. I will borrow this one!

Actually, I have never received any of these types of e-mails, but if I did, that would be my response.

Actually, I have never received any of these types of e-mails, but if I did, that would be my response.

well, have I got one for you galfriend... check your email.

well, have I got one for you galfriend... check your email.

Ha, now y'all are gonna send me this qwap huh for snappy comebacks. OK, I'll respond with a new one just for you.
Be careful what you ask for.

Ha, now y'all are gonna send me this qwap huh for snappy comebacks. OK, I'll respond with a new one just for you.
Be careful what you ask for.

still waiting for the snappy comeback.

well, have I got one for you galfriend... check your email.

which one did you send her?

TFT- I have misplaced that great website that is the political rumor clearing house. Can you help me out? Snopes.com and your suggested website are the first lines of defense against ignorant e-mails.

This is a good one, think I actually got it from a post on here a couple months back:

http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/

Email, I just delete. Phone calls I tell them they have to listen to me sing before I will listen to their pitch. They hang up rather quickly

Or maybe you could tell them you are still waiting for the mothership to beam their voting choice down to you. Sorry, the last two days of rain have made me wackier than usual.

Their loss. We enjoy your vocalizing on the rare occasions you share with us.