A female, rookie cop pulls over a guy for speeding.
She realizes the guy is drunk and begins the arrest.
She reads him his rights..."You have the right to remain
silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you."
The man starts screaming...."Boobs!!!"
___________________________________________________
A man went into a bar and ordered several shots of vodka. By the time the bar was closing, he was wasted. He got up to leave and fell flat on his face. "Well, I don't want the bartender to think I'm drunk, so I'll pretend I tripped and I'll try it again." So he gets up and falls on his face. "Well, the door's not too far away; I'll just crawl." When he gets outside he thinks, "Well, I only live 4 blocks away; I can make it that far." So he stands up and falls on his face. He decides he'll try it 1 block at a time, and at every block he falls flat on his face. Finally he makes it home, stands up and falls on the bed. In the morning his wife wakes him up. "You were drunk again last night, weren't you?" "How did you know?" "The bartender called. He said you left your wheelchair at the bar."
Replies
29
SoWal Staff
little sugar
someone said "boobs" OTTER??? OTTER??? hee hee 
Beach Fanatic
Darlene is my middle name, not my nicknameAuthor
Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table, he looks into his small bowl. It is empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?!!" he squeaks.
Papa Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl, and it is also empty. "Who's been eating my Porridge?!!" he roars.
Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, "How many times do we have to go through this with you idiots?
It was Momma Bear who got up first, it was Momma Bear who woke everyone in the house, it was Momma Bear who made the coffee, it was Momma Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night, and put everything away, it was Momma Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper, it was Momma Bear who set the da%# table, it was Momma Bear who put the friggin cat out, cleaned the litter box, and filled the cat's water and food dish, and, now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-ass$$ downstairs, and grace Momma Bear's kitchen with your grumpy presence, listen good, cause I'm only going to say this one more time...
"I HAVEN'T MADE THE DA%# PORRIDGE YET !!
Papa Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl, and it is also empty. "Who's been eating my Porridge?!!" he roars.
Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, "How many times do we have to go through this with you idiots?
It was Momma Bear who got up first, it was Momma Bear who woke everyone in the house, it was Momma Bear who made the coffee, it was Momma Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night, and put everything away, it was Momma Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper, it was Momma Bear who set the da%# table, it was Momma Bear who put the friggin cat out, cleaned the litter box, and filled the cat's water and food dish, and, now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-ass$$ downstairs, and grace Momma Bear's kitchen with your grumpy presence, listen good, cause I'm only going to say this one more time...
"I HAVEN'T MADE THE DA%# PORRIDGE YET !!
Edited
margarita brocolia
:funn:
Beach Comber
Ole Miss v Alabama update:
"Anthrax scare for the University of Mississippi"
Ole Miss football practice was delayed nearly two hours
today after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery
substance on the practice field.
Head Coach Ed Orgeron immediately suspended practice while
police and federal investigators were called to investigate. After a
complete analysis, FBI forensic experts determined that the white
substance unknown to the players was the goal line.
Practice was resumed after special agents decided the team
was unlikely to encounter the substance again.
"Anthrax scare for the University of Mississippi"
Ole Miss football practice was delayed nearly two hours
today after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery
substance on the practice field.
Head Coach Ed Orgeron immediately suspended practice while
police and federal investigators were called to investigate. After a
complete analysis, FBI forensic experts determined that the white
substance unknown to the players was the goal line.
Practice was resumed after special agents decided the team
was unlikely to encounter the substance again.
Beach Fanatic
LOL, love the Friday funnies!!!! Hey, Otter didn't reply to the "Boobs" call!!! YET!!!
YET!!!
beats on hood
Question: How do ghosts dance?
SoWal Insider
LOL, love the Friday funnies!!!! Hey, Otter didn't reply to the "Boobs" call!!!
Talked to Mr Otter earlier, gave him the 411 on a B-sitter. He a GB may be dune watching in GB tonite! We are all on full moon alert here in SoWal. ;-)
Have Cheezit's, and libations on hand just in case! Will provide a full detailed report at a later time!
Meow
Question: How do ghosts dance?
Is this like Freaky Friday? Why are you upside down BR? Isn't the blood rushing to your head? I think the answer to your Question is...Go ask Casper.
Meow
Talked to Mr Otter earlier, gave him the 411 on a B-sitter. He a GB may be dune watching in GB tonite! We are all on full moon alert here in SoWal. ;-)
Have Cheezit's, and libations on hand just in case! Will provide a full detailed report at a later time!
The moon is quite beautiful tonight! Almost there! Who's on full moon in the dune alert...RO, GB or both? YIKES!!
Darlene is my middle name, not my nicknameAuthor
Ole Miss v Alabama update:
"Anthrax scare for the University of Mississippi"
Ole Miss football practice was delayed nearly two hours
today after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery
substance on the practice field.
Head Coach Ed Orgeron immediately suspended practice while
police and federal investigators were called to investigate. After a
complete analysis, FBI forensic experts determined that the white
substance unknown to the players was the goal line.
Practice was resumed after special agents decided the team
was unlikely to encounter the substance again.
:clap_1: :clap_1: :clap_1:
Darlene is my middle name, not my nicknameAuthor
10/21/2005
It's a beautiful, warm spring morning and a man and his wife are spending the day at the zoo.The zoo is not very busy this morning. As they walk through the ape exhibit, they pass in front of a very large hairy gorilla. Noticing the girl, the gorilla goes ape. (no pun intended.) He jumps up on the bars, and holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), he grunts and pounds his chest with his free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress and the husband noticing the excitement, thinks this is funny. He suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow some more. She does, and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She does, and Mr. Gorilla is about to tear the bars down. 'Now try lifting your dress up your thighs and sort of fan it at him.' This drives the gorilla absolutely crazy and now he's doing flips. Then the husband nabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and slams the cage door shut. 'Now, tell HIM you have a headache.'
It's a beautiful, warm spring morning and a man and his wife are spending the day at the zoo.The zoo is not very busy this morning. As they walk through the ape exhibit, they pass in front of a very large hairy gorilla. Noticing the girl, the gorilla goes ape. (no pun intended.) He jumps up on the bars, and holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), he grunts and pounds his chest with his free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress and the husband noticing the excitement, thinks this is funny. He suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow some more. She does, and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She does, and Mr. Gorilla is about to tear the bars down. 'Now try lifting your dress up your thighs and sort of fan it at him.' This drives the gorilla absolutely crazy and now he's doing flips. Then the husband nabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and slams the cage door shut. 'Now, tell HIM you have a headache.'
Meow
10/21/2005
It's a beautiful, warm spring morning and a man and his wife are spending the day at the zoo.The zoo is not very busy this morning. As they walk through the ape exhibit, they pass in front of a very large hairy gorilla. Noticing the girl, the gorilla goes ape. (no pun intended.) He jumps up on the bars, and holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), he grunts and pounds his chest with his free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress and the husband noticing the excitement, thinks this is funny. He suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow some more. She does, and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She does, and Mr. Gorilla is about to tear the bars down. 'Now try lifting your dress up your thighs and sort of fan it at him.' This drives the gorilla absolutely crazy and now he's doing flips. Then the husband nabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and slams the cage door shut. 'Now, tell HIM you have a headache.'
OUTSTANDING! The Queen of Funny reigns supreme!
superJfunn
:funn: :funn: :funn: :funn:
Funnkalicious
Question: How do ghosts dance?
They booogie!
Meow
They booogie!
Ding, Ding, Ding...We have a winner!!!
picky
A guy goes to his dentist because he has a toothache. The dentist says No Problem, we'll give you a shot of novacaine and you'll be all set.
The guy says he's allergic to novacaine. The dentist says No Problem, we'll give you some laughing gas and you'll be all set.
The guy says he's allergic to laughing gas. The dentist says No Problem, we'll give you some Viagra and you'll be all set.
VIAGRA? says the guy.
Yeah, the dentist says. You'll need something to hold onto when that tooth comes out.
The guy says he's allergic to novacaine. The dentist says No Problem, we'll give you some laughing gas and you'll be all set.
The guy says he's allergic to laughing gas. The dentist says No Problem, we'll give you some Viagra and you'll be all set.
VIAGRA? says the guy.
Yeah, the dentist says. You'll need something to hold onto when that tooth comes out.
Darlene is my middle name, not my nicknameAuthor
A guy goes to his dentist because he has a toothache. The dentist says No Problem, we'll give you a shot of novacaine and you'll be all set.
The guy says he's allergic to novacaine. The dentist says No Problem, we'll give you some laughing gas and you'll be all set.
The guy says he's allergic to laughing gas. The dentist says No Problem, we'll give you some Viagra and you'll be all set.
VIAGRA? says the guy.
Yeah, the dentist says. You'll need something to hold onto when that tooth comes out.
:funn:
got any pics?
A guy goes to his dentist because he has a toothache. The dentist says No Problem, we'll give you a shot of novacaine and you'll be all set.
The guy says he's allergic to novacaine. The dentist says No Problem, we'll give you some laughing gas and you'll be all set.
The guy says he's allergic to laughing gas. The dentist says No Problem, we'll give you some Viagra and you'll be all set.
VIAGRA? says the guy.
Yeah, the dentist says. You'll need something to hold onto when that tooth comes out.
LMAO!!
Beach Fanatic
got any pics?
Meow
Y'all have got to see this.
Rat Monster
OMG...I was sent that yesterday and I have never laughed so hard at an internet video in my life!!!! "Do you need help little man" is my new mantra!!!!
Beach Fanatic
A guy goes to his dentist because he has a toothache. The dentist says No Problem, we'll give you a shot of novacaine and you'll be all set.
The guy says he's allergic to novacaine. The dentist says No Problem, we'll give you some laughing gas and you'll be all set.
The guy says he's allergic to laughing gas. The dentist says No Problem, we'll give you some Viagra and you'll be all set.
VIAGRA? says the guy.
Yeah, the dentist says. You'll need something to hold onto when that tooth comes out.
:funn:Beach Fanatic
Checking your forum account
Please wait while we verify your forum account.