The Southern Rules

hmmmm......can't remember

Mar 14, '08 · 9:09 PM1,435

I promised, and now I'm settled on my couch, with Scarlett herself flashing across my t.v. screen. Darling Yankee Wenches, you will want to print this out and carry it around to study during moments of solitude:

THE SCARLETT CHECKLIST:

Always know very clearly what you want.
Never doubt that you can have exactly what you want.
Never doubt that you are the most tantalizing girl at the barbecue.
Remember that men aren't everything. For the most part, they're just someone to eat barbecue with.
Never listen to anyone who tells you that you can afford to skimp on your wardrobe, hair, or makeup.
Take time to prepare yourself for the day. Use fancy soaps and bath salts and perfumes and powders, and hum to yourself while dressing.
Never let anyone know how long you take to prepare yourself for the day.
Always have a million dates in your datebook--and even if you don't, act like you do.
Eat like a bird in public. No matter what they say to the contrary, men are confused and unsettled by women with hearty appetites.
If another woman gets in your way, don't hesitate to connive against her. (Just make sure you do it well.)
Speak softly and carry a small pistol.
In front of the mirror, practice saying in a light-hearted fashion: "Fiddle-dee-dee!" It will put you in the appropriate mood of carefree girlish abandon that Southern men find so attractive. (Warning: Avoid saying "fiddle-dee-dee" aloud in public as people might think you're crazy.)

(From The Southern Rules, by Ellen Patrick)
Discuss among yourselves. I will reveal more later. Right now my datebook is full and I'm busy getting exactly what I want.

Replies

Beach Fanatic

Mar 14, '08 · 9:18 PM#2

I promised, and now I'm settled on my couch, with Scarlett herself flashing across my t.v. screen. Darling Yankee Wenches, you will want to print this out and carry it around to study during moments of solitude:

THE SCARLETT CHECKLIST:

Remember that men aren't everything. For the most part, they're just someone to eat barbecue with.

Nice euphemism. It was called %^&$*!# back when I was familiar with it.

Edited Mar 14, '08 · 9:20 PM

hmmmm......can't rememberAuthor

Mar 14, '08 · 9:21 PM#3

Nice euphemism. It was called %^&$*!# back when I was familiar with it.

ummm...darlin' Bubba, you're not made to understand this stuff, so don't even try. It will only upset and confuse you.

SoWal Insider

Mar 14, '08 · 9:24 PM#4

these....

Beach Fanatic

Mar 14, '08 · 9:24 PM#5

ummm...darlin' Bubba, you're not made to understand this stuff, so don't even try. It will only upset and confuse you.

Have I got the wrong equipment? (I mean like the scarecrow from Wizard of Oz..straw brain.) I don't know why in the above k*i*s*s*i*n*g was filtered. :cool:

hmmmm......can't rememberAuthor

Mar 14, '08 · 9:29 PM#6

Have I got the wrong equipment? (I mean like the scarecrow from Wizard of Oz..straw brain.) I don't know why in the above k*i*s*s*i*n*g was filtered.

You're just off in left field. K*i*s*s*i*n*g is severely limited in the Southern Rules. Chapter 10: Keep Sex Out of It (Don't Waste Ammunition!)

SoWal Guide

Mar 14, '08 · 9:38 PM#7

wail hail! there is no way in hail I'll ever be able to eat like a dam bird in public or any other place! but, I am completely confident that I can easily accomplish all the rest.

hmmmm......can't rememberAuthor

Mar 14, '08 · 9:41 PM#8

wail hail! there is no way in hail I'll ever be able to eat like a dam bird in public or any other place! but, I am completely confident that I can easily accomplish all the rest.

You already caught your Bubba. You can eat what you want as long as you can still tame your Bubba...

SoWal Insider

Mar 14, '08 · 9:41 PM#9

wail hail! there is no way in hail I'll ever be able to eat like a dam bird in public or any other place! but, I am completely confident that I can easily accomplish all the rest.

Toots, read #11 again, it says speak softly... :lol:

LOL!! (I thought immediately about your laugh that I love so much!!)

SoWal Guide

Mar 14, '08 · 9:43 PM#10

Toots, read #11 again, it says speak softly... LOL!! (I thought immediately about your laugh that I love so much!!)

fu! JK. I can speak softly when really pressed. though I am partial to loud and obnoxious behavior.

Beach Fanatic

Mar 14, '08 · 9:55 PM#11

Toots, read #11 again, it says speak softly... LOL!! (I thought immediately about your laugh that I love so much!!)

I thought speaking loudly was part of being Southern.... where'd I go wrong? :idontno:

I wouldn't have been heard between two obnoxious brothers if I wasn't, that and I had to eat fast or they'd eat every dang thing on the table!

SoWal Insider

Mar 15, '08 · 12:01 AM#12

Speak softly and carry a small pistol. :wave:

SoWal Expert

Mar 15, '08 · 1:12 AM#13

Has anyone google imaged the word, "redneck?" that is some funn.

SoWal Expert

Mar 15, '08 · 6:33 AM#14

Has anyone google imaged the word, "redneck?" that is some funn.

Why yes, as a matter of fact, I have. Quite entertaining.

Meow

Mar 15, '08 · 7:42 AM#15

fu! JK. I can speak softly when really pressed. though I am partial to loud and obnoxious behavior.

...

Beach Fanatic

Mar 15, '08 · 10:39 AM#16

wail hail! there is no way in hail I'll ever be able to eat like a dam bird in public or any other place! but, I am completely confident that I can easily accomplish all the rest.

May I offer that the Married Southern Belles manual states that once one has her Bubba, she does continue to eat like a bird in public. It's just that she gets to change over from a sparrow to an ostrich. :roll:

Beach Fanatic

Mar 15, '08 · 11:42 AM#17

fu! JK. I can speak softly when really pressed. though I am partial to loud and obnoxious behavior.[/quote]
________________________________________________________

And, I might add that is exactly is why we love you!

Edited Mar 15, '08 · 11:52 AM

SWGB

Mar 16, '08 · 12:32 AM#18

You already caught your Bubba. You can eat what you want as long as you can still tame your Bubba...

And then NoHall was banned.

Bubba got his revenge. :funn:

hmmmm......can't rememberAuthor

Mar 16, '08 · 7:28 AM#19

And then NoHall was banned.

Bubba got his revenge. :funn:

Whatever. You know that you're sitting on the edge of your seat waiting for the checklist on how to tame your bubba. ;-)

SoWal Insider

Mar 16, '08 · 9:42 AM#20

Whatever. You know that you're sitting on the edge of your seat waiting for the checklist on how to tame your bubba. ;-)

oooooooh SNAP on you (SWGB) ... :floor:

SWGB

Mar 17, '08 · 12:15 PM#21

Whatever. You know that you're sitting on the edge of your seat waiting for the checklist on how to tame your bubba. ;-)

I have a very tame bubba, you've met him twice and probably still couldn't pick him out in a line up. :cool:

Beach Fanatic

Mar 17, '08 · 12:23 PM#22

Now let me get this straight:

All these rules are the reason I have felt victimized all these years?

Might have known!! Wife, daughter, MIL, mare horse, female dog...................

No way I could come out of this one!!!:rofl: :floor:

:funn:

hmmmm......can't rememberAuthor

Mar 17, '08 · 12:30 PM#23

I have a very tame bubba, you've met him twice and probably still couldn't pick him out in a line up.

You underestimate me...I have his face in my mind right now!

I'm a pretty good with faces...

Now let me get this straight:

All these rules are the reason I have felt victimized all these years?

Might have known!! Wife, daughter, MIL, mare horse, female dog...................

No way I could come out of this one!!!:rofl::funn:

I keep telling you bubbas not to read this stuff. You can't possibly understand it, and it will only make you upset and confused! :lol:

Beach Fanatic

Mar 17, '08 · 12:55 PM#24

I have a very tame bubba, you've met him twice and probably still couldn't pick him out in a line up.

Does he spend much time in those? :blink:

(Seems like most people woulda' said, "at the grocery store....")

Beach Fanatic

Mar 17, '08 · 1:13 PM#25

You underestimate me...I have his face in my mind right now! I'm a pretty good with faces...

I keep telling you bubbas not to read this stuff. You can't possibly understand it, and it will only make you upset and confused!

and your the one trying to sick your foot up a rabbits butt?:rofl: :floor:

:rofl: