GO GET YOUR MAMMIES GRAMMED
This is hysterical! Make sure you read the whole thing. There is a serious message at the end, but you get to laugh on the way there.
For years and years they told me,
Be careful of your breasts.
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.
And give them monthly tests.
So I heeded all their warnings,
And protected them by law.
Guarded them very carefully,
And I always wore my bra.
After 30 years of astute care,
My gyno, Dr Pruitt,
Said I should get a Mammogram
"OK," I said, "let's do it."
"Stand up here real close" she said,
(She got my boob in line),
"And tell me when it hurts," she said,
"Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."
She stepped upon a pedal,
I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate came slamming down,
My hooters in a vise!
My skin was stretched and mangled,
From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being squashed,
To Swedish Pancake thin.
Excruciating pain I felt,
Within it's viselike grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenseless tit!
"Take a deep breath," she said to me,
Who does she think she's kidding?!?
My chest is mashed in her machine,
And woozy I am getting.
"There, that's good," I heard her say,
(The room was slowly swaying.)
"Now, let's have a go at the other one."
Have mercy, I was praying.
It squeezed me from both up and down,
It squeezed me from both sides.
I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,
To HER tender little hide.
Next time that they make me do this,
I will request a blindfold
I have no wish to see again,
My knockers getting steam rolled.
If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have one now.
If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have gone "ker-pow!"
This machine was created by a man,
Of this, I have no doubt.
I'd like to stick their ba$$s in there,
And see how they come out!!
OK gals, now that you have had your laugh, remember... Breast Cancer Awareness... Go have those boobs checked out and stay healthy! Pass the message on to your mothers, sisters, daughters, aunts, cousins, friends, --- and even your enemies. Because the WORST enemy is Breast Cancer!!
Replies
33
Funnkalicious
:funn:
Mammie Pancakes!
:funn:
Mammie Pancakes!
:funn:
Meow
So funny and so true! Get it done gals...no excuses! And yes, it was developed by a man! My doc told me years ago that the scientists have come up with a "Male Birth Control Pill"...after the female scientists leave for the day, the male scientists DELETE all the data!
got any pics?
Is that Landlocked?
Beach Fanatic
Is that Landlocked?
Man I could never get to sleep on that thing. Pinch pinch, flick flick
Funnkalicious
Man I could never get to sleep on that thing. Pinch pinch, flick flick
Flick! Easy there cowboy!
That looks comfy right now...
Beach Fanatic
Flick! Easy there cowboy!
That looks comfy right now...
I heard a commedian say "EASY! YOU AIN'T DIALIN' NO RADIO!"
Funnkalicious
I heard a commedian say "EASY! YOU AIN'T DIALIN' NO RADIO!"
I read in a Cosmo a long time ago...they described it as sucking a watermelon through a straw. Ouch! :shock: :shock:
Beach Fanatic
GO GET YOUR MAMMIES GRAMMED
This is hysterical! Make sure you read the whole thing. There is a serious message at the end, but you get to laugh on the way there.
For years and years they told me,
Be careful of your breasts.
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.
And give them monthly tests.
So I heeded all their warnings,
And protected them by law.
Guarded them very carefully,
And I always wore my bra.
After 30 years of astute care,
My gyno, Dr Pruitt,
Said I should get a Mammogram
"OK," I said, "let's do it."
"Stand up here real close" she said,
(She got my boob in line),
"And tell me when it hurts," she said,
"Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."
She stepped upon a pedal,
I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate came slamming down,
My hooters in a vise!
My skin was stretched and mangled,
From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being squashed,
To Swedish Pancake thin.
Excruciating pain I felt,
Within it's viselike grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenseless tit!
"Take a deep breath," she said to me,
Who does she think she's kidding?!?
My chest is mashed in her machine,
And woozy I am getting.
"There, that's good," I heard her say,
(The room was slowly swaying.)
"Now, let's have a go at the other one."
Have mercy, I was praying.
It squeezed me from both up and down,
It squeezed me from both sides.
I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,
To HER tender little hide.
Next time that they make me do this,
I will request a blindfold
I have no wish to see again,
My knockers getting steam rolled.
If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have one now.
If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have gone "ker-pow!"
This machine was created by a man,
Of this, I have no doubt.
I'd like to stick their ba$$s in there,
And see how they come out!!
OK gals, now that you have had your laugh, remember... Breast Cancer Awareness... Go have those boobs checked out and stay healthy! Pass the message on to your mothers, sisters, daughters, aunts, cousins, friends, --- and even your enemies. Because the WORST enemy is Breast Cancer!!
Never had one. I got a scrip for a Pelvic sonogram
and a mamo I gota go and make appts..........
Darlene is my middle name, not my nicknameAuthor
Never had one.Go get one!! All you ladies out there!!!!!
Beach Fanatic
Never had one.Go get one!! All you ladies out there!!!!!
My Ex boyfreind is a Doctor! He's got nice hands!
Meow
Never had one. I got a scrip for a Pelvic sonogram
How old are you?
Beach Fanatic
How old are you?Just turned 40 in Aug. been to a lot of doctors in the past few years.... I will go and see one about this.
Edited
Darlene is my middle name, not my nicknameAuthor
Just turned 40 in Aug
You need a baseline at 40...and every year therafter if you have any history of breast cancer in your family!
Beach Fanatic
You need a baseline at 40...and every year therafter if you have any history of breast cancer in your family!
What is a baseline?
Darlene is my middle name, not my nicknameAuthor
What is a baseline?
Your very first mammogram...they will use it to compare to all of your future one's.
Beach Fanatic
Your very first mammogram...they will use it to compare to all of your future one's.
Oh I thought is was something different... Thanks
SoWal Insider
What is a baseline?Dabell,
In all seriousness, you need to find a new gyno. Surely (s)he has been telling you that you need a mammogram. I've been getting them since I was 20 (my mother had breast cancer) plus I have fibrocystic disease which makes it impossible to rely on self exams, which they're saying now not to rely on them anyway.
But, a baseline is what the radiologists or surgeons base each subsequent mammogram against, to see what changes there may be, if any. It is imperative that you get a mammo right away.
Do your children a favor and get a mammogram.
Meow
Listen to Johnrudy. Isn't 40 the age for a baseline with no family history?
Beach Fanatic
Dabell,
In all seriousness, you need to find a new gyno. Surely (s)he has been telling you that you need a mammogram. I've been getting them since I was 20 (my mother had breast cancer) plus I have fibrocystic disease which makes it impossible to rely on self exams, which they're saying now not to rely on them anyway.
But, a baseline is what the radiologists or surgeons base each subsequent mammogram against, to see what changes there may be, if any. It is imperative that you get a mammo right away.
Do your children a favor and get a mammogram.
I will! No one in my family had breast cancer.. I did a Drive for Breast Cancer resreach in 04- I thought 40 was the age to get one tho
Beach Fanatic
Absolutely go - I went at 40 and they found some tumors - precancerous - they are now gone (surgery)- 4years later they found more - gone again. now my surgeon tells me I should never have to worry about breast cancer because I have too many people watching for it - so therefore if it does come back they will get it early.
Please go - no one can take care of our health but ourselves.
Please go - no one can take care of our health but ourselves.
Darlene is my middle name, not my nicknameAuthor
Listen to Johnrudy. Isn't 40 the age for a baseline with no family history?
40 Is the age with no family history. My mother and aunt did not survive breast cancer, so I got my baseline at 35. It is so important.
Beach Fanatic
40 Is the age with no family history. My mother and aunt did not survive breast cancer, so I got my baseline at 35. It is so important.
I am sorry ....
SoWal Insider
Listen to Johnrudy. Isn't 40 the age for a baseline with no family history?Yes it is, but all of my dr's., and I've had LOTS of them in FL and IL, they all seem to agree that it's not a bad idea to start earlier. The family history is important to consider, but someone could still have breast cancer w/o a family risk. No matter what anyone says about the risk of having too many mammo's. over a life time, it's still better to be safe than sorry.
Darlene is my middle name, not my nicknameAuthor
I am sorry ....
Thank you Dabell. Just go and get yours as soon as you can. Just because you have no history of the disease does not mean that you are safe. Remember that and go and get that Mammie!!!!!
Darlene is my middle name, not my nicknameAuthor
Yes it is, but all of my dr's., and I've had LOTS of them in FL and IL, they all seem to agree that it's not a bad idea to start earlier. The family history is important to consider, but someone could still have breast cancer w/o a family risk. No matter what anyone says about the risk of having too many mammo's. over a life time, it's still better to be safe than sorry.
This is so true!!!
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