College Kid Grades Make Me Steam!

Drat and Poot....Give him this one semester, that's fair to allow for adjustments from home. I know you want to smack him...what says the boy? He must have known things weren't going well...if he is like MS, he REFUSES to ask for help!!! Most kids we know get out in four years. Sometimes at the larger univ. getting in the courses you need is tough. Some parents I know, tell their kids that they will pay for four years and then the kid is on their own! Hang in there!

EDIT: Privacy laws...MS would have killed me!!

Yes, our daughter got her grades yesterday..2 Bs and a C and a C-. Not thrilled as parents but gave her this as a trial. Her school is small and academically tough, 90% of the students were in the top 10% of their hs class. First semester is a HUGE adjustment, and it takes time to know what teachers are better than others. I am sure your son learned a lot, but it does notshow grade wise. Give him the second chance and he will do better. My gull is concerned about losing scholarship$$$$ so next semester should be better.

As for 5 years, that happens a lot at state schools due to overcrowded classes. I know of many students who tried to get out in 4 years, but were unable to get the classes they needed.

We can only afford 4 years at the price we are paying, so she has NO option but to finish or pay 4 it herself. Her college has a graduation rate of 92% so they work with the students to succeed.

Try to be supportive and be firm.....not an easy task.

Oh, our oldest child had great grades the first semester but went down after that....really frustrating.

i had a terrible time my first semester at butler, i had breezed thru high school, had classes at iu east which were a joke, then when i got to butler, found out these people are serious about education. i actually had to learn how to study, and it was a very rude awakening. maybe that's what happened with your son ?

I'm sitting at the keyboard overhearing Alex tell his father WHY he got two Fs. I think Merman is going to need a beer after this! And I have the feeling that Alex won't be bringing home these kind of marks again.

I'm glad for the feedback--I think you're all on track about the adjustment bit AND the need to learn how to study. I've told Alex that he's going to have to get into one of those study programs that teaches the kids how to do it.

If only you could see my boy now! The look on his face... :blink:

HOw bad will his Christmas break be???

HOw bad will his Christmas break be???

I think college has already done Alex some good (even if we're not talking about his grades :roll: ). He owned to up to it instead of trying to place the blame on bad professors or a bad schedule. That worked wonders in placating his father. That and the promise NOT to do it again.

Mermaid, my first year in college was by far the easiest and my best. In high school, I was always playing sports as well as doing so much other stuff, that I had very little time to study. When I went to college, I found it very easy to go to class for 4 hours a day, and I still had plenty of time to study daily. In fact, I had so much extra time, even playing basketball 2-3 hours per day, that I also worked a part time job for 4 hours per day. It seemed so much easier than high school because I had so much time on my hands that studying was easy to fit into my schedule. Unfortunately, I soon discovered the bars and the ladies, and met plenty of friends, all of which I had to work into my schedule. I never struggled through college, but I did learn to work a little fun into the school part.

I have seen many people get away from home for the first time in their life and they screw it up for the worse. They don't set goals, nor budget their time for school. School is always an option if it works into their scedule. "Oh, it looks like rain is falling. I think I will stay home today."

Let your son know that you love him and that you want him to succeed in life, no matter his interpretation of "success." College will expose him to many of life's possibilities if he will keep an open mind. He may not give a crap about Chemistry at the present time, but something involving chemistry may become his third career choice. College life will also shape his life, and he has the choice to be who he wants to be. Ask him to think about the person he wants to be, and encourage him to begin building and shaping himself into that person.

You and Merman can give him some strength, but he is the one that will have to shape himself. Show him that you love him and share your concern for his struggle.

SJ, one of these days you will make some lucky child a fine father. You manage to be eloquent--as always--but also sensible and compassionate. :clap_1:

It is a little hard to deal with the bad grades when you know there's a good mind upstairs that's not being entirely utilized! I do appreciate the encouragement and hang-with-it-ness of everyone here. :wub:

Motivation is certainly the key. Before I met Gypsea my Sophomore year, I was struggling just to get C's, and had my share of D's, and one F after 10/100 on the final exam (I fell asleep and only completed one question out of ten....I got that one right. All this after a party weekend). After I found out she was an A student, I was embarassed that I was not cutting it and I started working much harder, resulting in good grades, graduation, graduate school, etc.

One thing for your son to think about. When I taught college a few years back, the only folks that got F's in my classes were those that either a) did not show up, or b) did not turn in their work. He can fix those problems with motivation. I'd feel worse if he were busting his butt and still getting D's.

Both my kids took 5 years to get their Bachelor's degrees. One because of playing varsity sports, and the other due to 2 major changes (be prepared for that). It's not so bad when the coach pays for it, but it can hit the ole pocketbook hard if they're not on a full ride.

Hang in there. They turn out fine with your continued love and encouragement. :banging: :banging: :banging:

I need to hear from those of you with college age kids. I need some encouragement. My son's grades came today and he flunked two courses! One of them was chemistry, about which I am most sympathetic since I did the same in my college days, :roll: but the other was programming, which should have been a no-brainer for the boy.

Is this normal? Did your kids have a rough time their 1st semester in college? Is there hope for the Mer-boy? He's a bright kid so that's not the problem, and he likes his college well enough.

Is it the adjustment to college life that contributed to these loser grades? So maybe it's a one-shot 1st semester only kind of wipeout? (Please please)

And another thing--what is all this business about it taking 5 years to get a bachelor's degree? I did mine in four. So did all my friends. But now they seem to want kids to stay for 5? Is this a new trend?

Those are hard courses. What is his major? I completed two bachelor's degrees in five years--history and political science. Almost everyone I know went for five years, so it seems that it is a new trend with new and increasingly strange requirements for core curriculums. I made my lowest grades my first semester and so did everyone I know. For me it WAS the change and adjustment to a new and exciting and sometimes scary environment. I wouldn't worry, but as I am sure you already do, keep encouraging him--that did it for me.

... my Sophomore year, I was struggling just to get C's, and had my share of D's, and one F after 10/100 on the final exam (I fell asleep and only completed one question out of ten....I got that one right. All this after a party weekend). ...

Cap'n, I understand how difficult the Naval Academy can be. A very good friend of mine attended the School and played football briefly, before moving to the Rugby team. He never had time to study, much less eat or sleep. His mom was always sending him little pen-sized flash lights so that he could pull the covers over his head and study after lights out. He was an A student, but he worked his booty off to keep the grades. With all the craziness that they put the students through, I am surprised anyone can excel in the classroom.

Mermaid...Mr. Kitty showed me where the library was at SMU after we started dating!!! My grades improved dramatically! I guess a college girlfriend is out of the question?

I agree with Cap...the fellows we know that blew their first semesters were not going to class and late with turned in work. Just another life lesson....you might have him "pay" you back for those courses and when he passes them...return the money! This too shall pass (and so will Merboy!).

Show him this thread and everyone's posts-he will see that useful advice actually passes through here. Wish I had read them all before going to college!

Once I figured out class attendance meant less study time on the outside, I was fine. Attend every class, pay attention while you are there, and you won't have study AND play catchup.

I agree about showing him the thread. I esp like SJ's and Cap'n's advice.
The first year can be the easiest or the worst, depending on the student and the major.

Our older son messed around all through high school. He didn't especially like being told what to do. When he went off to college, nobody was hanging over him; he was accountable mostly to himself. This was the motivation he needed and wanted. His grades went up dramatically and stayed that way; he finished two degrees (French and International Relations) in 3 and a half years.

Is Alex happy with his major? That can make a difference.

Ohhhh Mermaid, do I feel for you! I have almost started a thread like this for my own son. I've read with interest and hope for your son, and gleaned the helpful advice from our insightful Posters.

My son is 15 and a Fresh. in highschool. In general, he makes good grades without doing any studying or any homework. I've never seen him do more than 15-20 min. at the very longest, sometimes, none at all. He's able to get most of it done in class or in his seminar time. He's teachers all say he is by far one of the most engaged students in their class. We were told right before break by his counselor that he is "highly skilled." His teachers all say he could easily be taking all AP classes but they can't reccommend him with C's. (He makes A's in music/orchestra.)
This habit has been going on for the previous 2 years. We've grounded him, talked and encouraged him, screamed and cried, had conferences, etc. His teahcers all say that he is very talented, very well liked, and a natural leader. But NO ONE understands why he's sabotaging his future & is lazy. It just breaks our hearts. We are certainly not counting on any scholarships.

Anyway, I'm not looking for any additional info here - - it's all been great. I just feel for you, Mermaid ~

Cap'n, I understand how difficult the Naval Academy can be. A very good friend of mine attended the School and played football briefly, before moving to the Rugby team. He never had time to study, much less eat or sleep. His mom was always sending him little pen-sized flash lights so that he could pull the covers over his head and study after lights out. He was an A student, but he worked his booty off to keep the grades. With all the craziness that they put the students through, I am surprised anyone can excel in the classroom.

Sounds like he and I had similar experiences. I played football also, and then played Rugby. You guessed it! I was "Cap'n" of the Rugby Team my Senior year, and we won the East Coast Championships. Great stuff!!

You are definetly in good company here. We went through this with both our kids. Great advice from everyone. Staying supportive is very important! GTTBD and our son had a very rough 4 years during the college experience. Things are so much better now that we are all on this end of the road. We apparently got a lot smarter over the last few years as both kids call every day for advice.

I'll bet next semester will be a huge improvement over this one!

Thank you thank you thank you. I'm much less steamed now at the boy. I DID show him this thread (before it was even suggested; hey! great minds all think alike). I think he gets the idea that there might, just might, be light at the end of the tunnel. As in, he DOESN'T necessarily have to consider these two flunked courses as the pattern college is going to make for him.

The mother hen in me is still a little worried that his intentions might be good but...

Alex does have a wonderful girlfriend who sounds a lot like Gypsea! She's a year behind him, a senior in High School. They've been going together for almost a year now. She's just been accepted to Purdue University. :clap_1: All of a sudden Alex wants to transfer, and it's slowly dawning on him that he needs the grades (well duh) to do it. We shall see. We shall see.

Don't get me started. Hits too close to home, both as a parent and a professor.

In one class I gave most of the class D's and F's. The exam was open-book, open-notes. I uploaded all test and homework solutions to the class website. All I did was take the old tests and change the numbers. If they're too stupid to do well under those conditions, they need to be flipping burgers. I couldn't believe how many D's and F's I gave in all of my classes this semester. The registrar told me that it wasn't just me - he was amazed at how bad the grade rosters were from all professors.

Just walking through my daughter's sorority house makes it clear to me why many students do poorly. Their rooms are total chaos, a toxic waste dump of dirty clothes on the floor, half-eaten food everywhere, partially-drunk Diet Coke cans everywhere, no evidence of any time management skills or organization. Their moms aren't there to keep things in order, so they now live in a cesspool because many of us spoiled them too much when they lived at home. They stay up too late and then sleep as late as possible, so they're tired after class and take naps. They don't eat healthily. Again, this is just from my observations of girls at the sorority house and from overhearing their conversations. It's difficult to do well under these conditions.

I was bemoaning this topic with my doctor (and friend) - both he and his wife are Duke grads and high achievers. He says that he is disgusted with his kids. He blames himself for spoiling them, but he thought he was doing the right thing, using the mentality that they shouldn't have to struggle as hard as he did. But now in retrospect, he thinks that they feel entitled to all of the benefits of college (like a degree) without doing the work, so he regrets making life so easy for them. But obviously it's too late.