Definition of Ugly:
An ugly woman walks into a shop with her two kids.
The shopkeeper asks, "Are they twins?"
The woman says, "No, he's 9 and she's 7. Why? Do you think they look alike?"
"No," he replies. "I just can't believe you got laid twice!"
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A New Way To Drink
Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics in Atlanta. One day the airport was fogged in, and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Bud said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!"
Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?" So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hootch and get completely smashed.
The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing! Then the phone rings; it's Jim.
Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"
Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?"
Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"
Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff, no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often."
"Yeah, well there's just one thing."
"What's that?"
"Have you farted yet?"
"No "
"Well, DON'T, 'cause I'm in PHOENIX."
kathydwellskathydwellsDarlene is my middle name, not my nicknameLacey's Spring, Alabama13,303 postsJoined View profileMessageDarlene is my middle name, not my nickname
kathydwellsDarlene is my middle name, not my nicknameLacey's Spring, Alabama13,303 postsJoined View profileMessageDarlene is my middle name, not my nickname755 views
Replies
15
audieaudiefartblossom10,946 postsJoined View profileMessagefartblossom
audiefartblossom10,946 postsJoined View profileMessagefartblossom:lolabove:
RiverOtterRiverOttergot any pics?Chattanooga, Tennessee, United States11,444 postsJoined View profileMessagegot any pics?
RiverOttergot any pics?Chattanooga, Tennessee, United States11,444 postsJoined View profileMessagegot any pics?Definition of Ugly:
An ugly woman walks into a shop with her two kids.
The shopkeeper asks, "Are they twins?"
The woman says, "No, he's 9 and she's 7. Why? Do you think they look alike?"
"No," he replies. "I just can't believe you got laid twice!"
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Bada Bing Bada Boom :funn:
Miss KittyMiss KittyMeow47,011 postsJoined View profileMessageMeow
Miss KittyMeow47,011 postsJoined View profileMessageMeowOh Darlene...I laughed out loud so early in the morning...THANKS!!!
JdargJdargSoWal Expert18,040 postsJoined View profileMessageSoWal Expert
JdargSoWal Expert18,040 postsJoined View profileMessageSoWal ExpertHow are you feeling KD- Darlene?
kathydwellskathydwellsDarlene is my middle name, not my nicknameLacey's Spring, Alabama13,303 postsJoined View profileMessageDarlene is my middle name, not my nicknameAuthor
kathydwellsDarlene is my middle name, not my nicknameLacey's Spring, Alabama13,303 postsJoined View profileMessageDarlene is my middle name, not my nicknameAuthorHow are you feeling KD- Darlene?
Much, better. Thank you for asking. I just can't smell, hear or taste anything yet. But, I feel like I might live!!!!!
kathydwellskathydwellsDarlene is my middle name, not my nicknameLacey's Spring, Alabama13,303 postsJoined View profileMessageDarlene is my middle name, not my nicknameAuthor
kathydwellsDarlene is my middle name, not my nicknameLacey's Spring, Alabama13,303 postsJoined View profileMessageDarlene is my middle name, not my nicknameAuthorOh Darlene...I laughed out loud so early in the morning...THANKS!!!
Your so welcome!!!! Have a FUNN day!!!!
JdargJdargSoWal Expert18,040 postsJoined View profileMessageSoWal Expert
JdargSoWal Expert18,040 postsJoined View profileMessageSoWal ExpertMuch, better. Thank you for asking. I just can't smell, hear or taste anything yet. But, I feel like I might live!!!!!
If I couldn't smell or taste anything for a few days, it would jump start the diet!!!:roll:
SheilaSheilaSoWal InsiderSnellville, GA., Seacrest/Seagrove as often as we 5,781 postsJoined View profileMessageSoWal Insider
SheilaSoWal InsiderSnellville, GA., Seacrest/Seagrove as often as we 5,781 postsJoined View profileMessageSoWal InsiderIf I couldn't smell or taste anything for a few days, it would jump start the diet!!!:roll:
As if! What happens is you panic and eat everything in the pantry and fridge to see if you can taste anything!!!!!! At least I have a very clean fridge now! :funn:
SheilaSheilaSoWal InsiderSnellville, GA., Seacrest/Seagrove as often as we 5,781 postsJoined View profileMessageSoWal Insider
SheilaSoWal InsiderSnellville, GA., Seacrest/Seagrove as often as we 5,781 postsJoined View profileMessageSoWal InsiderThanks KD! I was in a panic when I first saw this! I thought I had slept from Monday to Friday! These are priceless. :floor:
Glad you're feeling better! :clap_1:
Glad you're feeling better! :clap_1:
kathydwellskathydwellsDarlene is my middle name, not my nicknameLacey's Spring, Alabama13,303 postsJoined View profileMessageDarlene is my middle name, not my nicknameAuthor
kathydwellsDarlene is my middle name, not my nicknameLacey's Spring, Alabama13,303 postsJoined View profileMessageDarlene is my middle name, not my nicknameAuthorThanks KD! I was in a panic when I first saw this! I thought I had slept from Monday to Friday! These are priceless. :floor:
Glad you're feeling better! :clap_1:
Thank You, GTTBM. I wish it were Friday...I didn't have a weekend at all. Hopefully, I will be fully recovered this weekend and I can enjoy it. How is that little bundle of joy???
SheilaSheilaSoWal InsiderSnellville, GA., Seacrest/Seagrove as often as we 5,781 postsJoined View profileMessageSoWal Insider
SheilaSoWal InsiderSnellville, GA., Seacrest/Seagrove as often as we 5,781 postsJoined View profileMessageSoWal InsiderThank You, GTTBM. I wish it were Friday...I didn't have a weekend at all. Hopefully, I will be fully recovered this weekend and I can enjoy it. How is that little bundle of joy???
He's doing great and growing like a weed! Thanks for asking.
I hope you are all better by the weekend too. However, we have all been sick and it seems to just linger and linger. Our energy levels have been on the negative scale for a while now! Nasty stuff.
seagroveloverseagroveloverlittle sugarSt Louis Missouri2,984 postsJoined View profileMessagelittle sugar
seagroveloverlittle sugarSt Louis Missouri2,984 postsJoined View profileMessagelittle sugarGood ones kathy D!!!! :floor: :floor:
kathydwellskathydwellsDarlene is my middle name, not my nicknameLacey's Spring, Alabama13,303 postsJoined View profileMessageDarlene is my middle name, not my nicknameAuthor
kathydwellsDarlene is my middle name, not my nicknameLacey's Spring, Alabama13,303 postsJoined View profileMessageDarlene is my middle name, not my nicknameAuthorGot another one I had to share. 😀
Two good ole boys down in Alabama were sitting around talking one
afternoon over a cold beer...After a while the 1st guy says to the 2nd, "If'n I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday & make love to your wife while you was off huntin', and she got pregnant and had a baby,would that make us kin?"
The 2nd guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his
head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question. Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about kin, but it sure would make us even."
Two good ole boys down in Alabama were sitting around talking one
afternoon over a cold beer...After a while the 1st guy says to the 2nd, "If'n I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday & make love to your wife while you was off huntin', and she got pregnant and had a baby,would that make us kin?"
The 2nd guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his
head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question. Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about kin, but it sure would make us even."
Miss KittyMiss KittyMeow47,011 postsJoined View profileMessageMeow
Miss KittyMeow47,011 postsJoined View profileMessageMeowHa!
TeresaTeresaSoWal GuideSouth Walton, FL30,976 postsJoined View profileMessageSoWal Guide
TeresaSoWal GuideSouth Walton, FL30,976 postsJoined View profileMessageSoWal Guide:rolling:
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