Passive-Aggressive

"Bless her heart".

"Bless her heart".

Yes, do that, literally. I have heard her days are numbered. It seems they just need to assimilate to a more effective way of communicating, but that obstinance is like a brick wall.

I don't think I've ever experienced someone in my life quite like this before and it has taught me even more patience......UGH. Oh, but the Clarity! ;-)

I worked with someone that i thought was p/a. She was very nice, but wouldn't share things pertinent to the job. So if she was out sick (which was rare), then no one else knew how to do what she did. She liked being the "go to" person. So what did i do? i let her be the 'go to' person. If she really wanted to be the "all knowing" then i let her be that. I'd ask her stuff that i already knew, but just the fact that she thought i had to ask her, made her day. She was just easier to get along with when she thought she was the boss. And just in case any of my former co-workers here in Florida are reading this wondering if i'm referring to them....I'm not. This job was years ago in Texas.

I worked with someone that i thought was p/a. She was very nice, but wouldn't share things pertinent to the job. So if she was out sick (which was rare), then no one else knew how to do what she did. She liked being the "go to" person. So what did i do? i let her be the 'go to' person. If she really wanted to be the "all knowing" then i let her be that. I'd ask her stuff that i already knew, but just the fact that she thought i had to ask her, made her day. She was just easier to get along with when she thought she was the boss. And just in case any of my former co-workers here in Florida are reading this wondering if i'm referring to them....I'm not. This job was years ago in Texas.

ssb, i've been working on this and I think I've got it under control now.

When dealing with this person, smile alot and carry a big stick.

When dealing with this person, smile alot and carry a big stick.

I do and it drives her absolutely battey! Kinda' sad, kinda' comical.

More people act in a passive aggressive manner than they realize. It can be as simple as making a snide remark and ending it with a happy phrase, such as "have a nice day" or someone who does not cope well with expressing frustration. Then, there are those people who just like to mess with other people. Usually, a passive aggressive personality has a few other issues going on. Guilting a person is a hallmark of PA, while at the same time, they will demean themselves in the conversation. Interesting behavior.

More people act in a passive aggressive manner than they realize. It can be as simple as making a snide remark and ending it with a happy phrase, such as "have a nice day" or someone who does not cope well with expressing frustration. Then, there are those people who just like to mess with other people. Usually, a passive aggressive personality has a few other issues going on. Guilting a person is a hallmark of PA, while at the same time, they will demean themselves in the conversation. Interesting behavior.

Yes, it's interesting until you find yourself on the receiving end of it. The internet seems to capture a lot of those types of people and they're even worse when they know that there's slim (if any) chance of meeting those they snark at in person! The relative safety of cyber-space makes them braver than they'd ever be in other situations. I think it's such a sad personality trait.

My guess is that we're all probably guilty of what aleonard describes with the "Have a nice day." I know I have said that to people out of frustration and just wanting the end the conversation that was going in circles. BUT, a true P/A person does have deeper issues. This person I have encountered has comical issues (acting like a sixth grader and recently like a four year old). When she believes she is 'back on top,' her attitude takes an amazing turn for the better, but we clearly see that it is superficial. Recently, we noticed her speaking louder than her normal tone about her personal achievements.

I feel badly for her.

Mermy, you're right. I've seen posters (not just sowal) be unbelievably rude. I think, "Surely this person isn't this rude in person." But, you never know.....there is an element to hiding behind the internet or an email. Maybe for some it is a way to release frustrations and I am glad they have this outlet instead of kicking the dog.

Yes, it's interesting until you find yourself on the receiving end of it. The internet seems to capture a lot of those types of people and they're even worse when they know that there's slim (if any) chance of meeting those they snark at in person! The relative safety of cyber-space makes them braver than they'd ever be in other situations. I think it's such a sad personality trait.

It's interesting if it's in person and your background is sociology /psychology. The interesting part is how the similar attributes of a personality disorder manifast in so many people to be able to diagnose it across the spectrum.

People who hide behind aliases are bullies sometimes or maybe they are someone who has been hurt and they act out to express their pain. Another person may wrap their pain in a blanket of generalizations. That's why I used my real name here and this is the only BB I have ever taken part in. I've been treated unfairly by some who do not know me in person on this board. No one likes to be hurt or to hurt.

It's interesting if it's in person and your background is sociology /psychology. The interesting part is how the similar attributes of a personality disorder manifast in so many people to be able to diagnose it across the spectrum.

People who hide behind aliases are bullies sometimes or maybe they are someone who has been hurt and they act out to express their pain. Another person may wrap their pain in a blanket of generalizations. That's why I used my real name here and this is the only BB I have ever taken part in. I've been treated unfairly by some who do not know me in person on this board. No one likes to be hurt or to hurt.

I don't have a background in sociology/psychology, which might explain why I find it more shocking. After a few months however, the shock has waned and I feel more compassion for her because there is obviously a deeper issue.

As for the boards, I have read some news blips and the comments trailing (posts) are unbelievable. I stay away from those. One thing lost in cyberspace is pitch/tonation, expression.

There are those who just plain don't like each other, though........ How can you not like someone you've never met?

You just dislike them on principle/based on their opinions.

One thing I find very interesting is that the impressions of people I form based on their posts is pretty accurate for how well I like them when I meet them in real life.

Can't imagine being on another BB where people don't know each other and behave/comment/insult like they do on the online papers etc.

I had a m-i-l who used that behavior. And, also used guilt, {my mom did too}. You fugure out that the indivdual is an unhappy camper, and has to "beat" someone down{or try} to make themselves feel good. Go figure.

Interesting cheesehead. I don't know enough about all of this, but this person tries intimidation, mean stares, etc......not guilt. She's definitely unhappy. And, I suspect I've known others like this, but she is the most recent person and it has been strange watching her personality and drama unfold before my very eyes.

For those who are interested in psychology, we have recently learned that this person is adopted. Seems benign to me, but it has evidently had an effect on her psychologically. I have never heard her make a nice or endearing comment about her family unless it revolved around money; then, her parents were loving.

While I'm not perfect (and, like that I'm not), I was raised with the Golden Rule and a lot of love. I'm thankful.

When someone is mean to me, I just imagine they look like this and then I feel better.

When someone is mean to me, I just imagine they look like this and then I feel better.

You promised not to share those pics I sent you Aleonard! ;-)

Interesting cheesehead. I don't know enough about all of this, but this person tries intimidation, mean stares, etc......not guilt. She's definitely unhappy. And, I suspect I've known others like this, but she is the most recent person and it has been strange watching her personality and drama unfold before my very eyes.

For those who are interested in psychology, we have recently learned that this person is adopted. Seems benign to me, but it has evidently had an effect on her psychologically. I have never heard her make a nice or endearing comment about her family unless it revolved around money; then, her parents were loving.

While I'm not perfect (and, like that I'm not), I was raised with the Golden Rule and a lot of love. I'm thankful.

Your friend sounds closer to Bi-polar, or narcissistic (NPD). The PAs I have worked with always used guilt or verbal abuse to try and control family or friends. If you look through some other personality issues, you will probably find your friend. Not all PA's are narcissistic, but all NPD's use PA tactics to build and shelter their non-existent ego. As far as adoption, she may not have bonded and just be emotionally stunted and spoiled. Or, she may have never been allowed to be autonomous from her adoptive parents and that is when you see real issues.

Passive-aggressive personality disorder was listed as an Axis II personality disorder in the DSM-III-R, but was moved in the DSM-IV to Appendix B ("Criteria Sets and Axes Provided for Further Study") because of controversy and the need for further research on how to also categorize the behaviors in a future edition. As an alternative, the diagnosis Personality disorder not otherwise specified may be used instead.
The DSM-IV Appendix B definition is as follows:[3]
A) A pervasive pattern of negativistic attitudes and passive resistance to demands for adequate performance, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicted by four (or more) of the following:

1. passively resists fulfilling routine social and occupational tasks
2. complains of being misunderstood and unappreciated by others
3. is sullen and argumentative
4. unreasonably criticizes and scorns authority
5. expresses envy and resentment toward those apparently more fortunate
6. voices exaggerated and persistent complaints of personal misfortune
7. alternates between hostile defiance and contrition

B) Does not occur exclusively during major depressive episodes and is not better accounted for by dysthymic disorder.

You promised not to share those pics I sent you Aleonard! ;-)

Well, at least you still have your clothes on in this one. I didn't post any of the nekid ones. You didn't call me last night. I'm acting out.

Well, at least you still have your clothes on in this one. I didn't post any of the nekid ones. You didn't call me last night. I'm acting out.

:rofl:

My district manager is actually very passive aggressive. If you say or do anything he doesn't agree with, he will get a terse smile and go along with it, then the next day do a ninja audit or deny requested time off. Grrrr....

Your friend sounds closer to Bi-polar, or narcissistic (NPD). The PAs I have worked with always used guilt or verbal abuse to try and control family or friends. If you look through some other personality issues, you will probably find your friend. Not all PA's are narcissistic, but all NPD's use PA tactics to build and shelter their non-existent ego. As far as adoption, she may not have bonded and just be emotionally stunted and spoiled. Or, she may have never been allowed to be autonomous from her adoptive parents and that is when you see real issues.

Passive-aggressive personality disorder was listed as an Axis II personality disorder in the DSM-III-R, but was moved in the DSM-IV to Appendix B ("Criteria Sets and Axes Provided for Further Study") because of controversy and the need for further research on how to also categorize the behaviors in a future edition. As an alternative, the diagnosis Personality disorder not otherwise specified may be used instead.
The DSM-IV Appendix B definition is as follows:[3]


A) A pervasive pattern of negativistic attitudes and passive resistance to demands for adequate performance, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicted by four (or more) of the following:

1. passively resists fulfilling routine social and occupational tasks
2. complains of being misunderstood and unappreciated by others
3. is sullen and argumentative
4. unreasonably criticizes and scorns authority
5. expresses envy and resentment toward those apparently more fortunate
6. voices exaggerated and persistent complaints of personal misfortune
7. alternates between hostile defiance and contrition

B) Does not occur exclusively during major depressive episodes and is not better accounted for by dysthymic disorder.

1) social, not work related.
2) yep - the unappreciated thing
3) extremely argumentative
4) very critical (of even her aging whippet)
5) she's done this to me (although I am not more fortunate, this is her perception)
6) overly expressing personal achievements
7) I have never seen her contrite, but her pattern is hostile, reprimanded, then two-three weeks of quiet, but piercing stares, then loud on her achievements, then hostile again. Repetez.

There seems to be a great deal of jealousy and envy, which has turned into attempts of intimidation and bullying to make herself look good, which unfortunately backfired.

I don't know if she's bi-polar (she has mentioned meds before), P/A or just plain mean-spirited. But, there is something off-kilter. Because of this, her days are numbered and I feel badly for her. We all create our own paths - she has created one centered around disrespect and lonliness. Her magazines/mail are addressed to Mr. (Her Dog's Name) and her last name

With the internet bullies, what's up with them? Online stalkers, horrifying comments, blatant abuse of other posters!

When someone is mean to me, I just imagine they look like this and then I feel better.

Whatever you do, DO NOT drink the Crown Royal!! Sorry for the interruption. Please carry on. . .

This sounds like an unhappy person, or possibly a chemical unbalance. p/a people are cunning, in a not so nice way. If it hadn't been pointed out to me, back in the 90's, I still would be scratching what hair I have left on my head. Hope this helps.

The very most highly skilled PAs leave you feeling confused, angry, unworthy, stupid, perhaps a little slimed, and you don't know why, because everything they did and said was in a sincere and sweet tone, and if you ever figured it out and tried to talk to them about it, they would look at you sincerely, sweetly, but with surprise because they would have no idea what you were talkng about. These people never say no, they will say yes and then "forget" or be "late" or simply do such a lousy job of (fill in the blank) that if you're smart, you will never count on them to come through on even the simplest commitment. I mean something as simple as rinsing off the big chunks before putting plates inthe dishwasher!

If you get to the point where you express any feelings that coule be construed as anything other than unadulterated praise and adoration about this pattern repeating, they may at some point go nasty or sarcastic, or they may turn up the "nice", but I've also seen them just evaporate and cut off all contact in search of greener pastures when you get wise to their game.

Some of these folks have this pattern so ingrained that they don't even know they're doing it (at least some of the time). If they do have an awareness of it, and a desire to interact more authentically, even then it can be extremely hard to change this pattern/habit.

In institutions with a lot of hierarchy, PA can sometimes be the only sane response to an insane setup. IMHO, one reason why so many institutions become inefficient at best, corrupt at worst, once they reach a certain size.

There's a very successful clothing/outfitter company, Patagonia maybe? who figured out that for their business, having more than 150 people at a given plant was the tipping point for that, so every time they have a facility that grows to the point that they need more than 150 people, they build a new one. I thought that was brilliant. Maybe not feasible for all businesses, but a great inspiration anyway.

Here here!!