long day

I margarita always helps; so sorry you had to place your mom, that's a stressful decision and stressful move. I'm sure she'll receive the care she needs and will enjoy the company of others. In my career, I've spent a lot of time at assisted living facilities and the people I've worked with really enjoy living there-sometimes it's a bit of an adjustment period before they enjoy it but they do. I'm sending you and your momma good thoughts!

I feel your pain.

April 2000 -- moved Mom out of our family home and into a one-floor home in retirement community (no assisted living) to avoid stairs and another hip fracture. Sold our childhood memories in the move from the big house to the new one. Very traumatic for us all.

Fall 2005 -- her dementia got so bad that she needed in-home care between when she got up and went to bed.

Fall 2007 -- she fell and broke her hip; after surgery we moved her into a rehab facility; moved her to assisted living afterwards; she didn't like it. But brother and I can't quit our jobs and sister lives in Dallas.

Spring 2009 -- she almost died from a blood clot in her heart; we were told she would die within days; moved her to hospice; docs took her off meds.

Late Spring 2009 -- she got too well to be in hospice and was put back on meds; we moved her into a nursing home which she had made us promise never to do to her.

Winter 2009-2010 -- she started complaining about being in a nursing home.

Spring 2010 -- she got too well to be in a nursing home. We moved her into a really nice assisted living facility near her home.

Late Summer 2010 -- we plan to have someone stay with her on the weekends at her actual home so she can see her old friends. Unfortunately she can't move back home full-time because to have 24/7 care in a private residence costs $130,000 a year around here.

It breaks our hearts that we have not been able to respect her wishes, but we had no idea how much it would cost to take care of an Alzheimer's victim for so many years in the manner that she'd prefer.

Hang in there! Trust me, my sister and I have had many glasses of La Crema while sleeping on the floor or in two chairs put together next to Mom in hospitals and hospice and rehab and assisted living and nursing homes and trying to decide what is best for her. Brother was there, too, but he doesn't drink Chardonnay.;-)

Thinking of you iwiwt.

Thanks...made the margarita and am enjoying it. The worst was the tears in her eyes when we left. Similar to daycare with your child...oh, she is a child again!

Life...always an adventure. A night's rest will do wonders. Keep sending stories.


BR....sorry about all your mom's challenges. Mine does not want a nursing home either. We hope her memory is gone by then.

God luv ya. I know how difficult this can be. I see it every day. I'm fortunate/unfortunate that I'll never have to do it personally. I promise it will get better though. Have another margarita.

God luv ya. I know how difficult this can be. I see it every day. I'm fortunate/unfortunate that I'll never have to do it personally. I promise it will get better though. Have another margarita.

Can't have another...the first was a double

Can't have another...the first was a double

So I hope you sleep well then. I think many of us are reaching the age where the new "normal" is your story. I just sighed for you... take care.

Sending hugs your way.

2 months ago we moved my grandma into assisted living. (she will be 98 on Friday) It was something we had been talking about for a few years, but after a few close calls with her not taking her medication properly and a few mishaps in the kitchen, we knew it was time.

For the first 3 weeks we kept 2nd guessing ourselves because she seemed to withdraw and become very needy and week. She would shuffle her feet instead of walking...little things like that. But the staff and her social worker said that was very normal...don't freak out about it. Well they were right. Little by little the more comfortable she got there, the more confident she became. We all feel better about it now and she is actually enjoying herself. It's hard to find her in her room now!

Sorry for rambling....I guess my point is...hang in there and give you mom time, be there for her when she needs you, this is a big adjustment for everyone but trust me, it will be better.

oh, I forgot one thing.....yes a margarita will help....but in case it doesn't, try chocolate

oh, I forgot one thing.....yes a margarita will help....but in case it doesn't, try chocolate

I did not mention the three chocolate marble brownies I had to absorb the alcohol.:roll:

Thinging of you IWIWT! It must be so difficult when the child becomes the adult and has to make hard decisions.
Sending loving thoughts your way!

I, too, am thinking of you during this time. I will never forget how I felt when we moved my Precious Granny into assisted living. She was 93 when she moved; she resisted this for years as she was so independent and had lived on her since 1969 when Granddaddy passed away. So, I made a long drive to Savannah the following week to check in on her - lo and behold she was having an absolute blast! She had made tons of new friends and the most special was realizing that one of her first cousins was there, also. Cousin was a concert pianist and quite the high-spirited, sexy type. She was diagnosed as 'crazy' in the 40's......and, so it goes. They were great together! I wish pleasant days and funn friends for your Mother!!

You are definitely not alone! I know it is hard, but it really is the best thing sometimes. Initially it is a big change, but if they have their own things, company, and frequent visits they are actually much happier & safer in the long run.

Visits are HUGE though - especially if you bring grandkids or pets (if they are allowed to visit). We would take the Scooterhounds to see Grandpa Scooterbug and everyone else wanted to pet them too.

And if you are close enough to join them for a meal once a week, can set up a regular visit schedule w/ other family and friends, and can have them come to your house for a holiday celebration that really helps too.

Had to put my mother in a nursing home as she had MS and got to the point where she could not walk and was about 90 % blind. She was sharp as a tack though. Luckily, the nursing home was only ten miles away and we went every day. It is a gut-wrenching decision. Just had a margarita with you in mind. God bless.

Hope you are feeling better today, iwiwt. You must know that you did the best thing for your Mom.

Thanks for the kind words and postive thoughts. Today is some better. Rest does make a mind clearer!! My oldest daughter sent Mother flowers which made her day! She called me and described each flower! Hopefully she will continue to enjoy her new surroundings and it will be a great place.