I've been (and will be) off the board a bit lately. My dad has been fighting pancreatic cancer. He's in the hospital now and it's much worse than we thought. He's been through chemo and radiation, but it's back with a vengence. I'll be visiting you all for my daily smile, but won't be here long.
I can't imagine a world without daddy in it. :wub: We could lose him very quickly if they don't get the sepsis under control. They are talking in terms of weeks now unless he steps up with more invasive chemo options. I think he's done with that, but he may decide to fight it a bit longer. For the prayerful among you, please remember him. We've resigned ourselves that we will lose this fight, but want him to be at peace and not to endure any more pain or fear than needs be. I appreciate any good thoughts or prayers for Daddy, my children (and myself too please). Okay, my keyboard is literally wet from my blubbering and spelling may be nasty, sorry. I'm off to paste a smile on and back to the hospital. Y'all play nice. I'll see you in a day or two. If you still have your father, call him today and tell him how wonderful he is.
Cheering472Cheering472SoWal Insider5,295 postsJoined View profileMessageSoWal Insider
Cheering472SoWal Insider5,295 postsJoined View profileMessageSoWal Insider1,778 views
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TeresaTeresaSoWal GuideSouth Walton, FL30,985 postsJoined View profileMessageSoWal Guide
TeresaSoWal GuideSouth Walton, FL30,985 postsJoined View profileMessageSoWal GuideCheering - thank you for sharing with your friends at sowal. we will all be thinking of you and sending thoughts of support your way.
JdargJdargSoWal Expert18,040 postsJoined View profileMessageSoWal Expert
JdargSoWal Expert18,040 postsJoined View profileMessageSoWal ExpertI love the memory book idea! I wish we had thought of that, especially since my dad spent his last 6 months sitting on the couch with boxes of pictures and mementos. I wish I had organized them for him! At least I have his video of the Gulf taken from Grayton Beach in 1997- he set the camera on the sand facing out over the water, and forgot to turn it off. It's actually very soothing to watch the waves gently breaking, and funny because it was so typical of my dad (he probably couldn't figure out how to turn it off, so he just set it down!)
Everybody probably already knows this, but I didn't learn it until my "Daddy" died in 1998. There will be a turning point in grief where the laughter and fun memories will override the sadness. There will still be sad days and weeks and months, but at some point you realize that when you think of that person, you are laughing or smiling more than crying. And I am instantly happy when I run into one of his friends or aquaintances and they say a kind word about him or share a funny story- even 8 years later. It makes my day. So I try to do that when I am talking to someone who has lost a loved one, whether recently or in the past.
Everybody probably already knows this, but I didn't learn it until my "Daddy" died in 1998. There will be a turning point in grief where the laughter and fun memories will override the sadness. There will still be sad days and weeks and months, but at some point you realize that when you think of that person, you are laughing or smiling more than crying. And I am instantly happy when I run into one of his friends or aquaintances and they say a kind word about him or share a funny story- even 8 years later. It makes my day. So I try to do that when I am talking to someone who has lost a loved one, whether recently or in the past.
PaulaPaulaBeach FanaticMichigan but someday in SoWal as well3,747 postsJoined View profileMessageBeach Fanatic
PaulaBeach FanaticMichigan but someday in SoWal as well3,747 postsJoined View profileMessageBeach FanaticDear Cheering:
I'm sorry to hear about your father's struggle. I will certainly be sending prayers not only for your daddy, but for you and the others who are close to your daddy to have strength as well. We lost my mom to cancer 3 years ago and to this day I still look to the time we took care of her (with my 2 sisters) as one of the most important (and most precious) times of my life. Here's what we learned that I think you'd appreciate (other than appreciating your father and honoring him now and forever).
My sisters and I all read the wonderful book, Final Gifts, by Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelley, as we were caring for my mom and it was the most uplifting and helpful book during a time of need. It is written by two hospice nurses that give insight into the final stages of life. For example, they talk about what's going on with the person not only physically but spiritually and what caretakers/family/friends can learn from the person (the final teaching -- even if not through words -- is one of the final gifts the person gives us). Because of that book, despite the pain of losing our mom, I felt truly uplifted at the time and today by the experience of being able to be a caring witness to my mom's passing and honoring her and learning from the experience. To be able to be present as someone you love passes on is truly a loving gift you give to that person and they give to you (painful as it is).
Take very, very good care of yourself. Spoil yourself. Go out to dinner or get great take-out or delivery food with people you love or by yourself. You will need your strength and energy. And you deserve to be very well taken-care of. This is not a time to deprive yourself. If your daddy's in the hospital, have very special snacks for you and the people who visit. This will help you remember to celebrate your daddy and think sweet thoughts and share memories. My mom was cared for at home during the final stages of her life and, though my sisters and I went out to dinner a lot, I do remember always feeling hungry when I was in my mom's house because I didn't take time to go grocery shopping. I would have done that differently and I have no idea why I didn't do it then (I think I was busy with other things -- so, if anyone asks you how they can help, ask them to bring you some good food or groceries!)
If your daddy is a religious man, connect him to his religion through whatever traditions/ceremonies are offered when someone is so ill. My mom was Catholic and a friend of mine reminded us to be sure to have the priest come over to say the prayers for the sick.
If you can, you may want to get someone to help with basic care or whatever support you need so that you can focus on the "honoring" of your daddy.
As was already said, creating a memory book of photos is wonderful. Our daughters (who were then ages 9 and 11) and our niece (age 14) made a memory book. It was about my mom seen through their eyes. As you can imagine, we have that memory book at home and oh is it special and boy does it get read and reread.
Most of all, remember that you are honoring your daddy and participating in one of life's most precious transition (though saddest for us). So, be gentle with yourself in every way because what you are going through is truly special and honorable.
And please let us know how things are going if you have time.
With all the support I can send you,
Paula
I'm sorry to hear about your father's struggle. I will certainly be sending prayers not only for your daddy, but for you and the others who are close to your daddy to have strength as well. We lost my mom to cancer 3 years ago and to this day I still look to the time we took care of her (with my 2 sisters) as one of the most important (and most precious) times of my life. Here's what we learned that I think you'd appreciate (other than appreciating your father and honoring him now and forever).
My sisters and I all read the wonderful book, Final Gifts, by Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelley, as we were caring for my mom and it was the most uplifting and helpful book during a time of need. It is written by two hospice nurses that give insight into the final stages of life. For example, they talk about what's going on with the person not only physically but spiritually and what caretakers/family/friends can learn from the person (the final teaching -- even if not through words -- is one of the final gifts the person gives us). Because of that book, despite the pain of losing our mom, I felt truly uplifted at the time and today by the experience of being able to be a caring witness to my mom's passing and honoring her and learning from the experience. To be able to be present as someone you love passes on is truly a loving gift you give to that person and they give to you (painful as it is).
Take very, very good care of yourself. Spoil yourself. Go out to dinner or get great take-out or delivery food with people you love or by yourself. You will need your strength and energy. And you deserve to be very well taken-care of. This is not a time to deprive yourself. If your daddy's in the hospital, have very special snacks for you and the people who visit. This will help you remember to celebrate your daddy and think sweet thoughts and share memories. My mom was cared for at home during the final stages of her life and, though my sisters and I went out to dinner a lot, I do remember always feeling hungry when I was in my mom's house because I didn't take time to go grocery shopping. I would have done that differently and I have no idea why I didn't do it then (I think I was busy with other things -- so, if anyone asks you how they can help, ask them to bring you some good food or groceries!)
If your daddy is a religious man, connect him to his religion through whatever traditions/ceremonies are offered when someone is so ill. My mom was Catholic and a friend of mine reminded us to be sure to have the priest come over to say the prayers for the sick.
If you can, you may want to get someone to help with basic care or whatever support you need so that you can focus on the "honoring" of your daddy.
As was already said, creating a memory book of photos is wonderful. Our daughters (who were then ages 9 and 11) and our niece (age 14) made a memory book. It was about my mom seen through their eyes. As you can imagine, we have that memory book at home and oh is it special and boy does it get read and reread.
Most of all, remember that you are honoring your daddy and participating in one of life's most precious transition (though saddest for us). So, be gentle with yourself in every way because what you are going through is truly special and honorable.
And please let us know how things are going if you have time.
With all the support I can send you,
Paula
SheilaSheilaSoWal InsiderSnellville, GA., Seacrest/Seagrove as often as we 5,781 postsJoined View profileMessageSoWal Insider
SheilaSoWal InsiderSnellville, GA., Seacrest/Seagrove as often as we 5,781 postsJoined View profileMessageSoWal InsiderI love the memory book idea! I wish we had thought of that, especially since my dad spent his last 6 months sitting on the couch with boxes of pictures and mementos. I wish I had organized them for him! At least I have his video of the Gulf taken from Grayton Beach in 1997- he set the camera on the sand facing out over the water, and forgot to turn it off. It's actually very soothing to watch the waves gently breaking, and funny because it was so typical of my dad (he probably couldn't figure out how to turn it off, so he just set it down!)
Everybody probably already knows this, but I didn't learn it until my "Daddy" died in 1998. There will be a turning point in grief where the laughter and fun memories will override the sadness. There will still be sad days and weeks and months, but at some point you realize that when you think of that person, you are laughing or smiling more than crying. And I am instantly happy when I run into one of his friends or aquaintances and they say a kind word about him or share a funny story- even 8 years later. It makes my day. So I try to do that when I am talking to someone who has lost a loved one, whether recently or in the past.
Jdarg, you are so right. It took me quite a while to get to the 2nd stage. But, I did get there. There are times now when I am holding baby Camden and I get so sad. I know how much Daddy would have loved that little boy. GTTBD sometimes catches me, he always assures me my Daddy is watching over us all still.
RitaRitamargarita brocoliaDune Allen Beach5,207 postsJoined View profileMessagemargarita brocolia
Ritamargarita brocoliaDune Allen Beach5,207 postsJoined View profileMessagemargarita brocoliaLynne and njackie,
Prayers and hugs around from Texas. It's hard, but what jdarg describes is what I went through with my dad. I also had a period of guilt stuck in there when I realized I had stopped thinking of him with every little thing. I was afraid I was forgeting about him... :( . Didn't happen, things just smoothed out more.
Your fathers sound like wonderful family people and are lucky to be surrounded by family like you.
Prayers and hugs around from Texas. It's hard, but what jdarg describes is what I went through with my dad. I also had a period of guilt stuck in there when I realized I had stopped thinking of him with every little thing. I was afraid I was forgeting about him... :( . Didn't happen, things just smoothed out more.
Your fathers sound like wonderful family people and are lucky to be surrounded by family like you.
peapod1980peapod1980percyUp the hill from the Gateway Arch4,591 postsJoined View profileMessagepercy
peapod1980percyUp the hill from the Gateway Arch4,591 postsJoined View profileMessagepercyI've been (and will be) off the board a bit lately. My dad has been fighting For the prayerful among you, please remember him. We've resigned ourselves that we will lose this fight, but want him to be at peace and not to endure any more pain or fear than needs be. I appreciate any good thoughts or prayers for Daddy, my children (and myself too please).Lynne--prayers and virtual hugs to you, friend.
I'm so sorry to hear this and for this difficult time you and your family are going through.
njackienjackieBeach Lover218 postsJoined View profileMessageBeach Lover
njackieBeach Lover218 postsJoined View profileMessageBeach LoverThank you so much for all the prayers and kind words from this board, I always mainly lurked on the real estate part! Cheering, my mom and I are praying for you and your family too. I just got home tonight from north MO only because I have to go to work tomorrow. My physically great big Daddy is now a tiny little guy, whom I never realized was so brave and spiritually huge. I am such a whussie person to be acting this way! Love you all and we did just sell one condo in Seagrove and it was fine, I have trouble understanding the negativity of the real estate part of the board. We kept our larger condo because we always want to be a part of Seagrove and 30A.
newyorkernewyorkerBeach LoverLos Angeles, CA147 postsJoined View profileMessageBeach Lover
Lynne:
our family's prayers are with you and your family. I lost my father when I was only 16, and my husband's dad died 30 years ago. We still mourn them. My aunt died of pancreatic cancer--it does not have to be a painful or awful death--she was home, and my cousin (a world class flutist) played for her mother for days. Aunt Beth died peacefully with her family beside her, and my cousin playing the flute. Painkillers are meant for this sort of thing, and hospice people can be very helpful.
Nonetheless, this is a hard time for you. Take care of yourself first--and know that your friends on this board are sending good thoughts and God's love your way.
our family's prayers are with you and your family. I lost my father when I was only 16, and my husband's dad died 30 years ago. We still mourn them. My aunt died of pancreatic cancer--it does not have to be a painful or awful death--she was home, and my cousin (a world class flutist) played for her mother for days. Aunt Beth died peacefully with her family beside her, and my cousin playing the flute. Painkillers are meant for this sort of thing, and hospice people can be very helpful.
Nonetheless, this is a hard time for you. Take care of yourself first--and know that your friends on this board are sending good thoughts and God's love your way.
AllifunnAllifunnFunnChef - AlisonCooks.comSt Petersburg13,635 postsJoined View profileMessageFunnChef - AlisonCooks.com
AllifunnFunnChef - AlisonCooks.comSt Petersburg13,635 postsJoined View profileMessageFunnChef - AlisonCooks.comThank you so much for all the prayers and kind words from this board, I always mainly lurked on the real estate part! Cheering, my mom and I are praying for you and your family too. I just got home tonight from north MO only because I have to go to work tomorrow. My physically great big Daddy is now a tiny little guy, whom I never realized was so brave and spiritually huge. I am such a whussie person to be acting this way! Love you all and we did just sell one condo in Seagrove and it was fine, I have trouble understanding the negativity of the real estate part of the board. We kept our larger condo because we always want to be a part of Seagrove and 30A.stay in the positive lounge my dear lady!!! god bless you and your family!!:wub:
Miss KittyMiss KittyMeow47,011 postsJoined View profileMessageMeow
Miss KittyMeow47,011 postsJoined View profileMessageMeowLynne and njackie...peace be with you both at this difficult time.
CilCilBeach FanaticAmelia Island, FL1,491 postsJoined View profileMessageBeach Fanatic
CilBeach FanaticAmelia Island, FL1,491 postsJoined View profileMessageBeach Fanatic::sending positive thoughts to Cheering and njackie::
I've been : lost my dad, stepdad and my FIL to cancer.
The memory book idea is wonderful. Things happened too fast with my dad and stepdad, but we were able to do something like that for FIL.
All of Paula's ideas are very good. I think this one is worth repeating:
Most of all, remember that you are honoring your daddy and participating in one of life's most precious transition (though saddest for us). So, be gentle with yourself in every way because what you are going through is truly special and honorable.
lots of hugs to you
I've been : lost my dad, stepdad and my FIL to cancer.
The memory book idea is wonderful. Things happened too fast with my dad and stepdad, but we were able to do something like that for FIL.
All of Paula's ideas are very good. I think this one is worth repeating:
Most of all, remember that you are honoring your daddy and participating in one of life's most precious transition (though saddest for us). So, be gentle with yourself in every way because what you are going through is truly special and honorable.
lots of hugs to you
You are all so amazing. :wub: What great ideas, thank each and every one of you. Njackie my prayers are also with you, it is a horrible time, but I know God is always with us. Lean on His promises and feel His love. I hope you have comfort from this board and your family. I can't tell you how uplifted I feel today because of everyones comments, suggestions, well wishes and prayers. I am getting right on the memory book and I am going to the buy the book Paula mentioned. There really aren't words to express how all your posts have helped, but I am truly touched.
So we made it through the weekend. Daddy is in a hospital downtown. This weekend 800,000 people decended on the city for the Derby festival fireworks and airshow. Traffic was a bit ugly so I camped out overnight. Daddy received several units of blood, his fever is staying down and they were able to pull almost 2 liters of nasty off his belly. This made him a bit more comfortable and he wants to take the aggressive route and do the chemo. One oncologist supports that, the other doesn't. Daddy wants to be here for his granddaughters wedding in October. One of his doctors told me he might get 2 maybe 3 months from the chemo, not 6. He thinks it's time to stop. But Daddy wants to try to be at the wedding, so the fight is on. God love him, he's a stubborn thing. We (my sisters and brother) do know that
2-3 months is very optimistic but without the chemo he will be gone in 2-3 weeks. He wants to try, so we try.
Please know how often I wish I could get on this board when I'm at the hospital and need a break. I can feel the love each of you have for your dad and your comments have been wonderful to read. Thanks again. I had to come into work today for a while. I'm going to check out some other more funn posts and get some work done while I laugh at y'all. I'll keep you all posted.
So we made it through the weekend. Daddy is in a hospital downtown. This weekend 800,000 people decended on the city for the Derby festival fireworks and airshow. Traffic was a bit ugly so I camped out overnight. Daddy received several units of blood, his fever is staying down and they were able to pull almost 2 liters of nasty off his belly. This made him a bit more comfortable and he wants to take the aggressive route and do the chemo. One oncologist supports that, the other doesn't. Daddy wants to be here for his granddaughters wedding in October. One of his doctors told me he might get 2 maybe 3 months from the chemo, not 6. He thinks it's time to stop. But Daddy wants to try to be at the wedding, so the fight is on. God love him, he's a stubborn thing. We (my sisters and brother) do know that
2-3 months is very optimistic but without the chemo he will be gone in 2-3 weeks. He wants to try, so we try.
Please know how often I wish I could get on this board when I'm at the hospital and need a break. I can feel the love each of you have for your dad and your comments have been wonderful to read. Thanks again. I had to come into work today for a while. I'm going to check out some other more funn posts and get some work done while I laugh at y'all. I'll keep you all posted.
ShallowsNoleShallowsNoleBeach FanaticPt Washington4,279 postsJoined View profileMessageBeach Fanatic
ShallowsNoleBeach FanaticPt Washington4,279 postsJoined View profileMessageBeach FanaticCheering, I stumbled upon your thread a bit late, but I too offer prayers for your daddy - and you and your family, whatever the outcome may finally be.
Both of my parents are gone - my dad 22 years ago and almost 15 for my mom. I believe with every ounce of my being that they are in eternity with the Lord, but I still get sad, especially when I look at pictures, or I see my great-nephew (the little guy in my 'tar) or my great-nieces, who would have been their great-grandchildren...I try to tell folks to appreciate your parents, because you just never know...
Take care of yourself and your Daddy too.
Both of my parents are gone - my dad 22 years ago and almost 15 for my mom. I believe with every ounce of my being that they are in eternity with the Lord, but I still get sad, especially when I look at pictures, or I see my great-nephew (the little guy in my 'tar) or my great-nieces, who would have been their great-grandchildren...I try to tell folks to appreciate your parents, because you just never know...
Take care of yourself and your Daddy too.
SheilaSheilaSoWal InsiderSnellville, GA., Seacrest/Seagrove as often as we 5,781 postsJoined View profileMessageSoWal Insider
SheilaSoWal InsiderSnellville, GA., Seacrest/Seagrove as often as we 5,781 postsJoined View profileMessageSoWal InsiderYou are all so amazing. :wub: What great ideas, thank each and every one of you. Njackie my prayers are also with you, it is a horrible time, but I know God is always with us. Lean on His promises and feel His love. I hope you have comfort from this board and your family. I can't tell you how uplifted I feel today because of everyones comments, suggestions, well wishes and prayers. I am getting right on the memory book and I am going to the buy the book Paula mentioned. There really aren't words to express how all your posts have helped, but I am truly touched.
So we made it through the weekend. Daddy is in a hospital downtown. This weekend 800,000 people decended on the city for the Derby festival fireworks and airshow. Traffic was a bit ugly so I camped out overnight. Daddy received several units of blood, his fever is staying down and they were able to pull almost 2 liters of nasty off his belly. This made him a bit more comfortable and he wants to take the aggressive route and do the chemo. One oncologist supports that, the other doesn't. Daddy wants to be here for his granddaughters wedding in October. One of his doctors told me he might get 2 maybe 3 months from the chemo, not 6. He thinks it's time to stop. But Daddy wants to try to be at the wedding, so the fight is on. God love him, he's a stubborn thing. We (my sisters and brother) do know that
2-3 months is very optimistic but without the chemo he will be gone in 2-3 weeks. He wants to try, so we try.
Please know how often I wish I could get on this board when I'm at the hospital and need a break. I can feel the love each of you have for your dad and your comments have been wonderful to read. Thanks again. I had to come into work today for a while. I'm going to check out some other more funn posts and get some work done while I laugh at y'all. I'll keep you all posted.
So glad you checked in Lynne. God bless your Daddy for wanting to be at that wedding. The human spirit is an amazing thing. I pray that your Daddy will be at that wedding and gets a little spin around the dance floor with the bride.
Sending love, hope , and prayers your way.
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