Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."
Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "y onder."
Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, ... as in: "Going to town, be back directly."
Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!
Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're "in line," ... we talk to everybody!
Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
In the South, y'all is singular, ..... all y'all is plural.
Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" ... and go your own way.
To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!
And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!
And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could."
Replies
42
SoWal Expert
Pucker up! ;-)
Now here is another one that cracked me up!!!!
After the tourist had been served in a Las Vegas cocktail lounge, He beckoned the waitress back and said quietly, "Miss, y'all sure are a luvly, luvly lady; Can ah persuade y'all to give me a piece of ass?"
"Lord, that's the most direct proposition I've ever had!" gasped the girl.
Then she looked around the room, smiled and added, "Sure, why not? You're nice looking too and it's pretty slow here right now, so why don't we just slip away up to your room?"
When the pair returned half an hour later, the man sat down at the same table and the waitress asked, "Will there be anything else, sir?"
"Why yes," replied the southern gentleman "Ah sure 'preciate what y'all just' did for me; it was real sweet and right neighborly, but where ah come from in Alabama, we lack our bourbon real cold, so ah still need to trouble y'all for a piece uh ass for mah drink."
Is this story really about Triple B???:rofl:
Darlene is my middle name, not my nickname
Is this story really about Triple B???:rofl:
Man am I in trouble. Thanks alot Jen-ay for letting the cat out of the bag. Do you know how mad he is going to be at me for telling his secrets!!!! ;-)
superJfunn
rednecks :roll:
Darlene is my middle name, not my nickname
rednecks :roll:
Proud of it. :roll:
superJfunn
Beach Fanatic
Man am I in trouble. Thanks alot Jen-ay for letting the cat out of the bag. Do you know how mad he is going to be at me for telling his secrets!!!! ;-)FYI...I would never ask that of a waitress using that phrase. "Would you like ta trade taters?" is the appropriate term.
Darlene is my middle name, not my nickname
FYI...I would never ask that of a waitress using that phrase. "Would you like ta trade taters?" is the appropriate term.
:funn:
SoWal GuideAuthor
"...piece uh ass for mah drink."
bless his heart / bless her heart / and all that!
bless his heart / bless her heart / and all that!
Beach Fanatic
Down South, you can say anything you want about anybody, however bad, so long as you preface it with, "Bless their heart...." As in, "Bless her heart, she couldn't help bein' ugly, but she couldda stayed home!"
SoWal GuideAuthor
Down South, you can say anything you want about anybody, however bad, so long as you preface it with, "Bless their heart...." As in, "Bless her heart, she couldn't help bein' ugly, but she couldda stayed home!"
I have an aunt that says "God love her" or "God love you" in every single sentence... in response to anything you may be discussing. or "God bless her..." and she is very sincere... and a great lady. but whenever her name comes up someone in my family will start saying one of the above, mocking her words and tone - it's just one of those little quirky things we tend to make fun of, though she's lovely.
SoWal Expert
I have an aunt that says "God love her" or "God love you" in every single sentence... in response to anything you may be discussing. or "God bless her..." and she is very sincere... and a great lady. but whenever her name comes up someone in my family will start saying one of the above, mocking her words and tone - it's just one of those little quirky things we tend to make fun of, though she's lovely.
I have a friend, who, whenver she gossips about someone, or says something a little critical of someone, she always finishes it by saying, "God forgive me", or "God forgive us". I sure hope He does forgive, because we've spent many an hour gossiping....hey, it was a small town....that's the #1 passtime. ;-)
SoWal GuideAuthor
I have a friend, who, whenver she gossips about someone, or says something a little critical of someone, she always finishes it by saying, "God forgive me", or "God forgive us". I sure hope He does forgive, because we've spent many an hour gossiping....hey, it was a small town....that's the #1 passtime. ;-)
hey, gotta CYA and ask forgiveness as needed. I'll have to try this. will if save me from having to go to confession?
SoWal Expert
hey, gotta CYA and ask forgiveness as needed. I'll have to try this. will if save me from having to go to confession?
Yeah, it cuts out the middleman........
SoWal GuideAuthor
Yeah, it cuts out the middleman........
well, my mama never told me I could do this, God forgive her and bless her heart.
SoWal Expert
well, my mama never told me I could do this, God forgive her and bless her heart.
:clap_1:
I've discovered there's a whole lotta stuff my mama never told me.....
;-)
fartblossom
:clap_1:
I've discovered there's a whole lotta stuff my mama never told me.....
i've discovered a whole lotta stuff my momma didn't even know about ! reading is a wonderful thing !
Beach Lover
I swear this is true. My husband and I were in an Italian resterant in Oralndo and he ordered Iced Tea. The waitress with returned with an ice bucket and I said "we didn't order any wine" and she said, He ordered "Asti Spumanti". She was very flustered when I explanied that he really wanted Iced Tea.
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