Hallmark Cards you wont see in the store

My tire was thumping.

I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire...

I noticed your cat.

Sorry!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Heard your wife left you,

How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it...

She moved in with me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Looking back over the years

that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...

"What the hell was I thinking?"
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Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.

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How could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby?
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I've always wanted to have

someone to hold,

someone to love. :wub:

After having met you ..

I've changed my mind. :floor:

-------------------------------------- ---------------------------------

I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.

I never believed in Hell until I met you. :pissed:

__________________________________________
As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...

That you're not here to ruin it for me.

____________________________________________

Congratulations on your promotion.

Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again. :boxing:

**********************************************************
Happy birthday! You look great for your age.

Almost Lifelike! :puke:

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When we were together,

you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise.

______________________________________________________
I'm so miserable without you

it's almost like you're here. :bang:

=====================================================

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was? :confused:

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So your daughter's a hooker,

and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,

it's really good pay. 😀