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SoWal Lounge

kathydwells

Darlene is my middle name, not my nickname

[QUOTE=Landlocked]I stopped at a friends house the other day and found him 
stalking around the kitchen with a flyswatter. 
 
When I asked if he had gotten any flies he answered, "Yeah, 
5 .... 3 males and 2 females." 
 
Curious, I inquired as to how he could tell the difference. 
 
He answered, "It's easy, 3 were on a beer can and 2 were on 
the phone.[/QUOTE]
 
:floor:

<blockquote class="xfBb-quote" data-name="Landlocked">I stopped at a friends house the other day and found him 
stalking around the kitchen with a flyswatter. 
 
When I asked if he had gotten any flies he answered, &quot;Yeah, 
5 .... 3 males and 2 females.&quot; 
 
Curious, I inquired as to how he could tell the difference. 
 
He answered, &quot;It&#039;s easy, 3 were on a beer can and 2 were on 
the phone.</blockquote> 
:floor:

Kimmifunn

Funnkalicious

[QUOTE=Landlocked]I stopped at a friends house the other day and found him   
stalking around the kitchen with a flyswatter.   

When I asked if he had gotten any flies he answered, "Yeah,   
5 .... 3 males and 2 females."   

Curious, I inquired as to how he could tell the difference.   

He answered, "It's easy, 3 were on a beer can and 2 were on   
the phone.[/QUOTE]

If I were a girl fly...I would be on the beer.  Then after a few of those...maybe on the phone calling the boy fly... :cool:

<blockquote class="xfBb-quote" data-name="Landlocked">I stopped at a friends house the other day and found him 
stalking around the kitchen with a flyswatter. 
 
When I asked if he had gotten any flies he answered, &quot;Yeah, 
5 .... 3 males and 2 females.&quot; 
 
Curious, I inquired as to how he could tell the difference. 
 
He answered, &quot;It&#039;s easy, 3 were on a beer can and 2 were on 
the phone.</blockquote> 
If I were a girl fly...I would be on the beer. Then after a few of those...maybe on the phone calling the boy fly... :cool:

CastlesOfSand

Beach Fanatic

seagrovelover

little sugar

[font=Arial]A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he?s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That?s not surprising," the elders say. "You?ve done nothing but complain since you got here."[/font]

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he?s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. &quot;Cold floors,&quot; he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, &quot;Bad food.&quot; They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. &quot;I quit,&quot; he says. &quot;That?s not surprising,&quot; the elders say. &quot;You?ve done nothing but complain since you got here.&quot;

Ole's Accident

[font=Arial]Ole was working at the fish plant up nort in Dulut when he accidently cut off all ten of his fingers.

He went to the emergency room in the Clinic and when he got there the Norsky doctor looked at Ole and said, "Let's have da fingers and I'll see what I can do."

Ole said, "I haven't got da fingers."

"What do you mean, you haven't got da fingers?" he said. "Lord - it's 2005! We's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put dem back on and made you like new! Why didn't you bring da fingers?"

To which Ole says........ (Are you ready for this???)[/font]
[font=Arial][/font] 

[font=Arial]
"How da fock was I suppose to pick dem up?[/font]

Ole&#039;s Accident 
 
Ole was working at the fish plant up nort in Dulut when he accidently cut off all ten of his fingers. 
 
He went to the emergency room in the Clinic and when he got there the Norsky doctor looked at Ole and said, &quot;Let&#039;s have da fingers and I&#039;ll see what I can do.&quot; 
 
Ole said, &quot;I haven&#039;t got da fingers.&quot; 
 
&quot;What do you mean, you haven&#039;t got da fingers?&quot; he said. &quot;Lord - it&#039;s 2005! We&#039;s got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put dem back on and made you like new! Why didn&#039;t you bring da fingers?&quot; 
 
To which Ole says........ (Are you ready for this???) 
 
 
 
&quot;How da fock was I suppose to pick dem up?

Jdarg

SoWal Expert

[QUOTE=kathydwells]Ole's Accident

[font=Arial]Ole was working at the fish plant up nort in Dulut when he accidently cut off all ten of his fingers.

He went to the emergency room in the Clinic and when he got there the Norsky doctor looked at Ole and said, "Let's have da fingers and I'll see what I can do."

Ole said, "I haven't got da fingers."

"What do you mean, you haven't got da fingers?" he said. "Lord - it's 2005! We's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put dem back on and made you like new! Why didn't you bring da fingers?"

To which Ole says........ (Are you ready for this???)[/font]
[font=Arial][/font] 

[font=Arial]
"How da fock was I suppose to pick dem up?[/font][/QUOTE]

Now now, you are making fun of my relatives.  :biggrin: They live up in the frozen north- what we call the Scandinavian mothership!

<blockquote class="xfBb-quote" data-name="kathydwells">Ole&#039;s Accident 
 
Ole was working at the fish plant up nort in Dulut when he accidently cut off all ten of his fingers. 
 
He went to the emergency room in the Clinic and when he got there the Norsky doctor looked at Ole and said, &quot;Let&#039;s have da fingers and I&#039;ll see what I can do.&quot; 
 
Ole said, &quot;I haven&#039;t got da fingers.&quot; 
 
&quot;What do you mean, you haven&#039;t got da fingers?&quot; he said. &quot;Lord - it&#039;s 2005! We&#039;s got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put dem back on and made you like new! Why didn&#039;t you bring da fingers?&quot; 
 
To which Ole says........ (Are you ready for this???) 
 
 
 
&quot;How da fock was I suppose to pick dem up?</blockquote> 
Now now, you are making fun of my relatives. 😀 They live up in the frozen north- what we call the Scandinavian mothership!

Landlocked

[QUOTE=kathydwells]Ole's Accident

[font=Arial]Ole was working at the fish plant up nort in Dulut when he accidently cut off all ten of his fingers.

He went to the emergency room in the Clinic and when he got there the Norsky doctor looked at Ole and said, "Let's have da fingers and I'll see what I can do."

Ole said, "I haven't got da fingers."

"What do you mean, you haven't got da fingers?" he said. "Lord - it's 2005! We's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put dem back on and made you like new! Why didn't you bring da fingers?"

To which Ole says........ (Are you ready for this???)[/font]
[font=Arial][/font] 

[font=Arial]
"How da fock was I suppose to pick dem up?[/font][/QUOTE]

 :lolabove:

<blockquote class="xfBb-quote" data-name="kathydwells">Ole&#039;s Accident 
 
Ole was working at the fish plant up nort in Dulut when he accidently cut off all ten of his fingers. 
 
He went to the emergency room in the Clinic and when he got there the Norsky doctor looked at Ole and said, &quot;Let&#039;s have da fingers and I&#039;ll see what I can do.&quot; 
 
Ole said, &quot;I haven&#039;t got da fingers.&quot; 
 
&quot;What do you mean, you haven&#039;t got da fingers?&quot; he said. &quot;Lord - it&#039;s 2005! We&#039;s got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put dem back on and made you like new! Why didn&#039;t you bring da fingers?&quot; 
 
To which Ole says........ (Are you ready for this???) 
 
 
 
&quot;How da fock was I suppose to pick dem up?</blockquote> 
 :lolabove:

Miss Kitty

Meow

I got to hand it too ya' KD...that was a funny one!!!

I got to hand it too ya&#039; KD...that was a funny one!!!

[QUOTE=kathydwells]Ole's Accident

[font=Arial]Ole was working at the fish plant up nort in Dulut when he accidently cut off all ten of his fingers.

He went to the emergency room in the Clinic and when he got there the Norsky doctor looked at Ole and said, "Let's have da fingers and I'll see what I can do."

Ole said, "I haven't got da fingers."

"What do you mean, you haven't got da fingers?" he said. "Lord - it's 2005! We's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put dem back on and made you like new! Why didn't you bring da fingers?"

To which Ole says........ (Are you ready for this???)[/font]
[font=Arial][/font] 

[font=Arial]
"How da fock was I suppose to pick dem up?[/font][/QUOTE]


Loved this one Kathy!!!! :rolling:  :rolling:

<blockquote class="xfBb-quote" data-name="kathydwells">Ole&#039;s Accident 
 
Ole was working at the fish plant up nort in Dulut when he accidently cut off all ten of his fingers. 
 
He went to the emergency room in the Clinic and when he got there the Norsky doctor looked at Ole and said, &quot;Let&#039;s have da fingers and I&#039;ll see what I can do.&quot; 
 
Ole said, &quot;I haven&#039;t got da fingers.&quot; 
 
&quot;What do you mean, you haven&#039;t got da fingers?&quot; he said. &quot;Lord - it&#039;s 2005! We&#039;s got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put dem back on and made you like new! Why didn&#039;t you bring da fingers?&quot; 
 
To which Ole says........ (Are you ready for this???) 
 
 
 
&quot;How da fock was I suppose to pick dem up?</blockquote> 
 
Loved this one Kathy!!!! :rolling: :rolling:

Teresa

SoWal Guide

:rolling: all good ones for a Monday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

 :lolabove:   :floor:   :D  :lol:

:rolling: all good ones for a Monday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
 
 :lolabove: :floor: 😀 :lol:

How To Shower Like a Woman 


Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. 
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. 
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. 
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. 
Get in the shower. 
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. 
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. 
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. 
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced. 
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. 
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. 
Rinse conditioner off hair. 
Shave armpits and legs. 
Turn off shower. 
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. 
Spray mold spots with Tilex. 
Get out of shower. 
Dry with towel the size of a small country. 
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. 
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. 
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. 

How To Shower Like a Man 
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. 
Walk naked to the bathroom. 
If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound. 
Look at your manly physique in the mirror. 
Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt. 
Get in the shower. Wash your face. 
Wash your armpits. 
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. 
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. 
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. 
Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. 
Pee. 
Rinse off and get out of shower. 
Partially dry off. 
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was  hanging out of tub the whole time. 
Admire wiener size in mirror again. 
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. 
Return to bedroom with towel around waist. 
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. 
Throw wet towel on bed.

How To Shower Like a Woman 
 
 
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. 
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. 
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. 
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. 
Get in the shower. 
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. 
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. 
Wash your hair again to make sure it&#039;s clean. 
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced. 
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. 
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. 
Rinse conditioner off hair. 
Shave armpits and legs. 
Turn off shower. 
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. 
Spray mold spots with Tilex. 
Get out of shower. 
Dry with towel the size of a small country. 
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. 
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. 
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. 
 
How To Shower Like a Man 
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. 
Walk naked to the bathroom. 
If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the &#039;woo-woo&#039; sound. 
Look at your manly physique in the mirror. 
Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt. 
Get in the shower. Wash your face. 
Wash your armpits. 
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. 
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. 
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. 
Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. 
Pee. 
Rinse off and get out of shower. 
Partially dry off. 
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. 
Admire wiener size in mirror again. 
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. 
Return to bedroom with towel around waist. 
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the &#039;woo-woo&#039; sound again. 
Throw wet towel on bed.

[b]Product Approval[/b]

Dear Tide,

I'm writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all through my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best.

Now that I am in my fifties, I find it even better! In fact, about a month 
ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and 
uncaring husband started to berate me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse.

I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't 
come out. After a quick trip to the supermarket, I purchased a bottle of 
liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, 
all of the stains came out!

In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday 
told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney
called and said that I would no longer be considered a suspect in the 
disappearance of my husband.

What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder
suspect! I thank you, once again, for having such a great product.

Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people.

Product Approval 
 
Dear Tide, 
 
I&#039;m writing to say what an excellent product you have! I&#039;ve used it all through my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. 
 
Now that I am in my fifties, I find it even better! In fact, about a month 
ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and 
uncaring husband started to berate me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse. 
 
I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn&#039;t 
come out. After a quick trip to the supermarket, I purchased a bottle of 
liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, 
all of the stains came out! 
 
In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday 
told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney 
called and said that I would no longer be considered a suspect in the 
disappearance of my husband. 
 
What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder 
suspect! I thank you, once again, for having such a great product. 
 
Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people.

They just keep coming, and I have to share. :D 
 
 
A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Miami, Florida. 

"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us
sitting here. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.
Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none
of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all, and we all have,
or will, eat it. Would anyone care to guess what food causes the most grief
and suffering for years after eating it?"

After several seconds of quiet, a small 75-year-old man in the front row,
raised his hand and said, "Wedding Cake?"

They just keep coming, and I have to share. 😀 
 
 
A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Miami, Florida. 
 
&quot;The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us 
sitting here. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. 
Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none 
of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. 
 
&quot;But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all, and we all have, 
or will, eat it. Would anyone care to guess what food causes the most grief 
and suffering for years after eating it?&quot; 
 
After several seconds of quiet, a small 75-year-old man in the front row, 
raised his hand and said, &quot;Wedding Cake?&quot;

Sheila

SoWal Insider

[QUOTE=kathydwells][b]Product Approval[/b]

Dear Tide,

I'm writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all through my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best.

Now that I am in my fifties, I find it even better! In fact, about a month 
ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and 
uncaring husband started to berate me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse.

I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't 
come out. After a quick trip to the supermarket, I purchased a bottle of 
liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, 
all of the stains came out!

In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday 
told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney
called and said that I would no longer be considered a suspect in the 
disappearance of my husband.

What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder
suspect! I thank you, once again, for having such a great product.

Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people.[/QUOTE]



:rofl: :rofl:  :rofl:  	:floor::floor::floor: :lolabove::lolabove::lolabove:

Now that's funny!

<blockquote class="xfBb-quote" data-name="kathydwells">Product Approval 
 
Dear Tide, 
 
I&#039;m writing to say what an excellent product you have! I&#039;ve used it all through my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. 
 
Now that I am in my fifties, I find it even better! In fact, about a month 
ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and 
uncaring husband started to berate me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse. 
 
I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn&#039;t 
come out. After a quick trip to the supermarket, I purchased a bottle of 
liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, 
all of the stains came out! 
 
In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday 
told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney 
called and said that I would no longer be considered a suspect in the 
disappearance of my husband. 
 
What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder 
suspect! I thank you, once again, for having such a great product. 
 
Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people.</blockquote> 
 
 
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: 	:floor::floor::floor: :lolabove::lolabove::lolabove: 
 
Now that&#039;s funny!

[QUOTE=kathydwells]They just keep coming, and I have to share. :D 
 
 
A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Miami, Florida. 

"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us
sitting here. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.
Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none
of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all, and we all have,
or will, eat it. Would anyone care to guess what food causes the most grief
and suffering for years after eating it?"

After several seconds of quiet, a small 75-year-old man in the front row,
raised his hand and said, "Wedding Cake?"[/QUOTE]

Not, Penis Cake?  

I bet my husband was thinking about that dangerous food this weekend...I was on a rampage!!!!

<blockquote class="xfBb-quote" data-name="kathydwells">They just keep coming, and I have to share. 😀 
 
 
A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Miami, Florida. 
 
&quot;The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us 
sitting here. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. 
Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none 
of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. 
 
&quot;But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all, and we all have, 
or will, eat it. Would anyone care to guess what food causes the most grief 
and suffering for years after eating it?&quot; 
 
After several seconds of quiet, a small 75-year-old man in the front row, 
raised his hand and said, &quot;Wedding Cake?&quot;</blockquote> 
Not, Penis Cake? 
 
I bet my husband was thinking about that dangerous food this weekend...I was on a rampage!!!!

Suncat

Landlocked:  That was hilarious!!  Laughed out loud and made my day--

WOO-WOO!    :rofl:

Landlocked: That was hilarious!! Laughed out loud and made my day-- 
 
WOO-WOO! :rofl:

lollygal

LL and KD -- You guys are on a roll!  HA!  LMAO!!:rofl: :floor: :floor: :rofl: :floor: :floor: :rofl: :floor: :rofl: :floor: :floor: :rofl: :rofl: :floor:

I stopped at a friends house the other day and found him   
stalking around the kitchen with a flyswatter.   

When I asked if he had gotten any flies he answered, "Yeah,   
5 .... 3 males and 2 females."   

Curious, I inquired as to how he could tell the difference.   

He answered, "It's easy, 3 were on a beer can and 2 were on   
the phone.

I stopped at a friends house the other day and found him 
stalking around the kitchen with a flyswatter. 
 
When I asked if he had gotten any flies he answered, &quot;Yeah, 
5 .... 3 males and 2 females.&quot; 
 
Curious, I inquired as to how he could tell the difference. 
 
He answered, &quot;It&#039;s easy, 3 were on a beer can and 2 were on 
the phone.

Monday Funny

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Cars of 30A At Alys Beach: Event Highlights & Photo Gallery

Sixth annual Run Watersound At Watersound Town Center October 24, 2026

Support Our Parks: The 2026 Friends of Camp Helen Pumpkin Patch Is Open

Annual Events and Festivals in South Walton