I told Kitty today that I hadn't been to the mall in years. Now, I know why. 
OMG! Twenty minutes to get in the parking lot from a light a block away. Then, another twenty minutes to find a parking space which was on the fourth level (top) of the parking garage. Myself and fifty other people wait for an elevator which only holds 10 people to take us down to Level three to get into the store. Macy's. The stairs down from 4 to 3 were closed. We wait. Finally, my turn comes. Down to Level 3. Enter store. Look for shower curtain. I'm sorry, but I refuse to pay $40 for a vinyl shower curtain. On to children's. 
Truthfully, I don't even know wtf I bought. I just wanted to get out of there. I do remember buying some cute, cute, cute sparkly jeans for Jayda. BB would love them. On to Men's. Level 1. Bought Jason a shirt. Try to remember where the damn elevator is...some of you know I hate escalators..and Macy's are the worst. Straight up, just suspended in mid-air. 
No walls. Scary.
On the elevator, I meet up with the cutest elderly couple. She got a rolling walker, he's carrying all the loot. (OLD PEOPLE ALERT!! I HAVE A BIG OLE SIGN ON MY FOREHEAD THAT SAYS "If you're over age 75--this lady will help you.")
I quickly discover that they have no flippin' clue where they are or where they're going. They said they couldn't remember where they parked, but they thought it was on a roof. Level 4!!
They say none of Level 3 looks familiar, but I assure them this is the way to Level 4.
The lady says they'll just follow me. But, they do look suspicious when I tell them they've got to exit at Level 3 and take the elevator up to Level 4. Hell, I don't blame them. We wait with 50 people to go up to Level 4. Our turn finally comes and we're off. We walk out onto Level 4 roof top and they say it doesn't look familiar. After a few minutes of searching from our perch, the man finally spots their car...WAY off in the distance. He's parked past where I'm parked. He tells his wife to wait and he'll pick her up. I offer to drive him, but he says he doesn't mind walking, so we both took off in the same general direction. I look over when I'm about half way to my truck, and I'll be a sonofab!tch if he's not already to his car!! I watched to make sure it was the right one. Yep. He picked her up and zoomed down the ramp.
So, I'm sitting in traffic waiting to get off the ramp and there's a lady walking into Dillard's in ROLLERS!!!!!!!! WHO wears ROLLERS anymore??????? Someone please enlighten me.
Then, I'm sitting on a bridge in traffic--almost home--and the clouds were so weird today. It went from 68 degrees to about 40 in a couple of hours it seemed. Anyway, there was a cloud formation that I swear to you, looked like a big "V" if you catch my drift. Kinda like that flower 'tar I had a while back.
None of this compares to Scooterbug's nightmare, but I'm pretty sure I'm done with malls.
OMG! Twenty minutes to get in the parking lot from a light a block away. Then, another twenty minutes to find a parking space which was on the fourth level (top) of the parking garage. Myself and fifty other people wait for an elevator which only holds 10 people to take us down to Level three to get into the store. Macy's. The stairs down from 4 to 3 were closed. We wait. Finally, my turn comes. Down to Level 3. Enter store. Look for shower curtain. I'm sorry, but I refuse to pay $40 for a vinyl shower curtain. On to children's. Truthfully, I don't even know wtf I bought. I just wanted to get out of there. I do remember buying some cute, cute, cute sparkly jeans for Jayda. BB would love them. On to Men's. Level 1. Bought Jason a shirt. Try to remember where the damn elevator is...some of you know I hate escalators..and Macy's are the worst. Straight up, just suspended in mid-air. No walls. Scary. On the elevator, I meet up with the cutest elderly couple. She got a rolling walker, he's carrying all the loot. (OLD PEOPLE ALERT!! I HAVE A BIG OLE SIGN ON MY FOREHEAD THAT SAYS "If you're over age 75--this lady will help you.")
I quickly discover that they have no flippin' clue where they are or where they're going. They said they couldn't remember where they parked, but they thought it was on a roof. Level 4!!
They say none of Level 3 looks familiar, but I assure them this is the way to Level 4.
The lady says they'll just follow me. But, they do look suspicious when I tell them they've got to exit at Level 3 and take the elevator up to Level 4. Hell, I don't blame them. We wait with 50 people to go up to Level 4. Our turn finally comes and we're off. We walk out onto Level 4 roof top and they say it doesn't look familiar. After a few minutes of searching from our perch, the man finally spots their car...WAY off in the distance. He's parked past where I'm parked. He tells his wife to wait and he'll pick her up. I offer to drive him, but he says he doesn't mind walking, so we both took off in the same general direction. I look over when I'm about half way to my truck, and I'll be a sonofab!tch if he's not already to his car!! I watched to make sure it was the right one. Yep. He picked her up and zoomed down the ramp.
So, I'm sitting in traffic waiting to get off the ramp and there's a lady walking into Dillard's in ROLLERS!!!!!!!! WHO wears ROLLERS anymore??????? Someone please enlighten me.
Then, I'm sitting on a bridge in traffic--almost home--and the clouds were so weird today. It went from 68 degrees to about 40 in a couple of hours it seemed. Anyway, there was a cloud formation that I swear to you, looked like a big "V" if you catch my drift. Kinda like that flower 'tar I had a while back.
None of this compares to Scooterbug's nightmare, but I'm pretty sure I'm done with malls.
I just pictured a scene from a movie, but I can't remember which one.
...I'll have you know that when the cold wind blows, I now say...
