Shouting is the new spanking

[Bob]

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/22/fashion/22yell.html?em For Some Parents, Shouting Is the New Spanking


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By HILARY STOUT
Published: October 21, 2009

JACKIE KLEIN is a devoted mother of two little boys in the suburbs of Portland, Ore. She spends hours ferrying them to soccer and Cub Scouts. She reads child-development books. She can emulate one of those pitch-perfect calm maternal tones to warn, ?You?re making bad choices? when, say, someone doesn?t want to brush his teeth.

"People who yell at others ? and especially parents who yell at children ? reflect a complete inability to express themselves in any meaningful, thoughtful, useful or constructive way."

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That is 90 percent of the time. Then there is the other 10 percent, when, she admits, ?I have become totally frustrated and lost control of myself.?

It can happen during weeks and weeks and weeks of no camp in the summer, or at the end of a long day at home ? just as adult peace is within her grasp ? when the 7- or 9-year-old won?t go to sleep.

And then she yells.

?This is ridiculous! I?ve been doing things all day for you!?

Many in today?s pregnancy-flaunting, soccer-cheering, organic-snack-proffering generation of parents would never spank their children. We congratulate our toddlers for blowing their nose (?Good job!?), we friend our teenagers (literally and virtually), we spend hours teaching our elementary-school offspring how to understand their feelings. But, incongruously and with regularity, this is a generation that yells.

 

[Bob]

Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

 

[sunspotbaby]

Parenting is a tough job and children can test even the most even-tempered person.

So here's a scenario, (I've left out my reactions)

how do you handle it?

Yesterday my 21 month old ran out to the road. She heard me tell her stop, turned around and smiled at me, then took off.

A few minutes later, She did it a second time.

I'd love to know what others would do in this situation.

 

[Douglas the Intrepid]

Parenting is a tough job and children can test even the most even-tempered person.

So here's a scenario, (I've left out my reactions)

how do you handle it?

Yesterday my 21 month old ran out to the road. She heard me tell her stop, turned around and smiled at me, then took off.

A few minutes later, She did it a second time.

I'd love to know what others would do in this situation.

Since its a potentially life threatening situation I would deal with it very harshly to get the seriousness of the message through. I would probably explain sternly the first time and if that didn't work, a single spanking and put inside the second. I usually don't believe in spankings but in this instance it could help save my child's life if they refused to respond to normal direction.

 

[Gidget]

Does spanking work for disciplining kids? - by Cheryl Drahner - Helium

Of course it is best to find distraction and other ways of discipline, but I think this is pretty solid info.

Good luck
G

 

[Geo]

Parenting is a tough job and children can test even the most even-tempered person.

So here's a scenario, (I've left out my reactions)

how do you handle it?

Yesterday my 21 month old ran out to the road. She heard me tell her stop, turned around and smiled at me, then took off.

A few minutes later, She did it a second time.

I'd love to know what others would do in this situation.

I'd spank her bottom (over her diaper) right when she did the dangerous thing and say "NO- BAD!"

I want her laughter to turn into shame. Once I see the shame then I would hold her and comfort her.

 

[BeachbumAggie]

I was in front of a mother who within 7 minutes repeated yelled at, swatted the legs of, threatened repeatedly to skip the bday party, and cooed over-I wanted to give that momma a spanking quite frankly. Talk about mixed messages to that kid!

I don't know that I had the most perfect parents on the planet but I did turn out to be a well educated, law abiding citizen who maintains a good job, a happy marriage and friends so I consider my raising a success. I spent a lot of time in time out (aka the corner) and had my fair share of spankings and talking to's when I'd been bad and I must say, I didn't like either of these options so they did work to deter me from being bad!

 

[scooterbug44]

Frequently I see parents who cannot control their kids - usually because the kid knows there will be no consequences or follow through or because the parents don't behave either/ignore their kids.

Amazingly once those same kids are around someone they know will follow through on the threats of discipline their behavior greatly improves.

Discipline doesn't have to be a spanking, but mixed messages and lack of consequences are certainly not the way to get results.

 

[ohmom]

often the "yellers" I see don't want to get up and go get the child, or they don't want to stop what they are doing to redirect the child

It does take a lot of consistent effort to raise children...I personally cringe at the words "self esteem" as something that can be given to a person. To me it comes from accomplishing, not being. A person has to do good, be good to feel good.

 

[Susan Horn]

Does spanking work for disciplining kids? - by Cheryl Drahner - Helium

Of course it is best to find distraction and other ways of discipline, but I think this is pretty solid info.

Good luck
G

Gidget,

Thanks for posting. Fantastic article, excellent perspective. When my guys were little, I eventually came to see spanking as similar to antibiotics: when you really really need them, and nothing else will do, they are the right thing to do, but if you use them too much for every little sniffle and snort, the lose their effectiveness.

To this day, I have mixed feelings about spankings, but have never been able to give up my sense that using it in cases of life-or-death behaviors seems to work.

I've seen my share of parents who let their tots act like total brutes and brats with no consequences at all, often letting them terrorize animals and other children with what looks to me like physical abuse. To my great chagrin, I will confess here that more than once I have secretly wished upon these bully-brat kids that one day one of their victims will fight back with a really painful punch smack in the nose.