Dating

You are NOT alone on that! Bleh!



Who's looking? All my married friends just keep wanting to set me up, and most of them admit it's because misery loves company--they think I'm going to waste with all the funn I have by myself!

Oops. Sorry. Gotta watch those married friends...they're just jealous!

BTW...funn with yourself is never a waste! ;-)

I live in South Georgia, which is an absolute dating wasteland. All the single men I meet are either rednecks or guys who believe wives should submit to their husbands.

Luckily, I have good friends, my Sephora addiction and Stephen Colbert to keep me occupied.

I live in South Georgia, which is an absolute dating wasteland. All the single men I meet are either rednecks or guys who believe wives should submit to their husbands.

Luckily, I have good friends, my Sephora addiction and Stephen Colbert to keep me occupied.

Can't help you there! I'm from Ga and every guy I dated there was a total psycho! I found mine in Texas....maybe a move is in order!

Can't help you there! I'm from Ga and every guy I dated there was a total psycho! I found mine in Texas....maybe a move is in order!

You have a point. My married friends don't even try to set me up with anyone. They know it's pointless. I just want a guy who's smart, not crazy and whose mother lives far, far away. I guess that's too tall an order. Thank God for cats.

I just want a guy who's smart, not crazy and whose mother lives far, far away. I guess that's too tall an order.

Seriously - so many of my dates feel like lab work for psych class! I'm not asking for perfection, just not a psych disorder SO apparent I can diagnose it w/in 15 minutes!

Seriously - so many of my dates feel like lab work for psych class! I'm not asking for perfection, just not a psych disorder SO apparent I can diagnose it w/in 15 minutes!

I seem to attract weird guys who like to try to intimidate me. Maybe it's because I'm short.

I've been on 3 in the last 2 months, which is more than I've ever been on in my life. All 3 were really nice guys, but this last one was talking about MARRIAGE. (At Starbucks, for Crissakes!) Really sweet guy and all that, but jeez...

I briefly dated a guy that talked marriage on the first date & he ended up being a stalker. Run from him NoHall!

protocol question

If you have a horrible date and they ask you out again via text message, can you also reject them via text message or do you need to be polite and call?

Calling seems the polite thing to do, but I REALLY don't want to talk to him ever again. I get major karma/polite points just for finishing the date.

PLEEAASSE, don't waste a polite call on a TEXTed invitation!!! That's no way to ask a nice young lady for a date! My guess is, that socially...... HE'S ALL THUMBS!

If you have a horrible date and they ask you out again via text message, can you also reject them via text message or do you need to be polite and call?

Calling seems the polite thing to do, but I REALLY don't want to talk to him ever again. I get major karma/polite points just for finishing the date.

You can borrow my bull horn to use on the phone when you call him. Perhaps he'll get the hint. He should be saving his money for the higher tier of AAA anyway. :funn:

If you have a horrible date and they ask you out again via text message, can you also reject them via text message or do you need to be polite and call?

Calling seems the polite thing to do, but I REALLY don't want to talk to him ever again. I get major karma/polite points just for finishing the date.

How about this: You have a really creepy time with some guy, but he still asks you out again. You say (truthfully) that you are booked solid for the next two weeks because you have a show--rehearsals every day and then 4 performances. Then he sends an email and tells you he's cooking dinner for you tomorrow night...

Does he assume that I was making up the whole "I have rehearsals every night" thing and that if he just persists I'll admit that I was lying to him and fall madly in love?

I'll be more careful about locking the doors and pulling the blinds from now on.

Hopefully he's just responding to being told you were "busy" instead of you directly saying that you were "uninterested" and he hopes you're playing hard to get 'cuz he likes you! (I'd much rather someone (nicely) tell me they weren't interested than just have them be "busy." )

Unfortunately guys don't get subtlety and wack-a-doos can apparently have a great time on dates so awful that the other restaurant patrons and waitstaff feel sorry for us and try to save us!

Unless he's already cooking the dinner at YOUR house in which case, a quick trip to Sowal is in order!

Hopefully he's just responding to being told you were "busy" instead of you directly saying that you were "uninterested" and he hopes you're playing hard to get 'cuz he likes you! (I'd much rather someone (nicely) tell me they weren't interested than just have them be "busy." )

Unfortunately guys don't get subtlety and wack-a-doos can apparently have a great time on dates so awful that the other restaurant patrons and waitstaff feel sorry for us and try to save us!

Unless he's already cooking the dinner at YOUR house in which case, a quick trip to Sowal is in order!

Everyone take off your shoes and get ready to throw them at my head.

I just haven't figured out how to tell this guy, "Thanks, but no thanks..."

He's a really nice guy, and I think some girl could probably appreciate him. I don't want to punish him for being brave enough to chase me. I also don't want to string him along, but I'm hoping that I can just be really, really busy for the rest of my life and he'll give up and go away. Wow...I never thought I'd be that woman...

My all time favorite is the "script guy".

I went on a horrible date with this guy once and after it was over I gave the old "I'll call you" line. The next day I had to rush to Tallahassee to see my brand new neice. That evening I'm standing on the parking deck at Tallahassee Memorial when my phone rings. I answer the phone and say Hello. He says hi and asks what I'm doing. I reply that I am in Tallahassee because my sister just had a baby. He responds with so what are you doing later. I politely explained again that I was in Tallahassee and didn't know how long I would be in town. Haven't heard from him since.

I also don't want to string him along, but I'm hoping that I can just be really, really busy for the rest of my life and he'll give up and go away.

NOHALL!

This is why we have trouble finding decent men! We abuse the nice ones!

And please don't say "I'll call you" if you don't plan to! A little honesty makes life so much easier.

Nice to meet you...can we break up now?

NOHALL!

This is why we have trouble finding decent men! We abuse the nice ones!

And please don't say "I'll call you" if you don't plan to! A little honesty makes life so much easier.

I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry!!!!

Yes, I'm working hard to NOT abuse him, scar him, or hurt his feelings. But he seems to have started out with the assumption that we are already in a relationship, and instead of saying "No, thanks," I'm having to come up with a way to BREAK UP WITH HIM. I would really just like to crawl under a rock and let him move on.

I do NOT say "I'll call you" at all because my momma and Mango have given me strict instructions not to call boys. He keeps telling me to call him, and I keep telling him I just don't have time...

Yeah - I often find that people think a first date is the start of the relationship rather than an audition w/ very few callbacks. (what a shock that I am single )

The guy has your phone number, email, and is cooking for you - of course he thinks you're in some sort of a relationship! :funn:

The "don't say I'll call" was a general comment, not really directed at you!

I totally agree - boys have to call first - that and the closer tee boxes are the tradeoff for thousands of years of oppression and long skirts ;-).

I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry!!!!

Yes, I'm working hard to NOT abuse him, scar him, or hurt his feelings. But he seems to have started out with the assumption that we are already in a relationship, and instead of saying "No, thanks," I'm having to come up with a way to BREAK UP WITH HIM. I would really just like to crawl under a rock and let him move on.

I do NOT say "I'll call you" at all because my momma and Mango have given me strict instructions not to call boys. He keeps telling me to call him, and I keep telling him I just don't have time...

NOOOOO, Mango gave you instructions not to call boys that have never called you. There's a big difference. Here is a guy who was set up by a friend. I am assuming someone you know a long time? who knows you? Knows this guy is not a whack a doodle?

Now as far as discussing marriage, did he propose? or just casually bring up briefly what he was looking for? There's a difference too there. I could see if y'all were in your early 20's and this guy is coming on strong, but one reaches a certain age, some things are discussed sooner than later because of the maturity and experiences ones has had if one is truly interested in a serious relationship.

Me thinks maybe you pushed a nice guy away maybe...someone you don't have to chase?

There, I said it. Got that off my chest. What is so wrong with a doting husband?

Honestly, I don't get woman sometimes. I know there are plenty of toads out there, but there are also many nice guys experiencing the same issues y'all think you are having who get passed over for being too nice.

How about this: You have a really creepy time with some guy, but he still asks you out again. You say (truthfully) that you are booked solid for the next two weeks because you have a show--rehearsals every day and then 4 performances. Then he sends an email and tells you he's cooking dinner for you tomorrow night...

Does he assume that I was making up the whole "I have rehearsals every night" thing and that if he just persists I'll admit that I was lying to him and fall madly in love?

I'll be more careful about locking the doors and pulling the blinds from now on.

Madam Leonard see a restraining order in your future:shock: .....Run Away....Far Away...........

Honestly hon, this sets my freak alarm off and believe me, I've been a freak magnet my entire life, so, I know..............

NOOOOO, Mango gave you instructions not to call boys that have never called you. There's a big difference. Here is a guy who was set up by a friend. I am assuming someone you know a long time? who knows you? Knows this guy is not a whack a doodle?

Now as far as discussing marriage, did he propose? or just casually bring up briefly what he was looking for? There's a difference too there. I could see if y'all were in your early 20's and this guy is coming on strong, but one reaches a certain age, some things are discussed sooner than later because of the maturity and experiences ones has had if one is truly interested in a serious relationship.

Me thinks maybe you pushed a nice guy away maybe...someone you don't have to chase?

There, I said it. Got that off my chest. What is so wrong with a doting husband?

Honestly, I don't get woman sometimes. I know there are plenty of toads out there, but there are also many nice guys experiencing the same issues y'all think you are having who get passed over for being too nice.

Mango got this out while I was still writing.

I agree with nice guys sometimes getting picked over but they are the only ones who get my attention now. I guess I'm getting old it was just I felt like flowers would have been cool to keep him on her mind or a note but it kinda sounds like either he's not buying she's busy or he doesn't care and that kinda freaked me out:shock:

My sophomore year college boyfriend and his friends were passing around a joke book called "Nice guys don't get laid."

I quickly read it, determined that they had confused unassertive/unconfident with "nice" and threw it out his 4th floor dorm window! :funn:

Mango got this out while I was still writing.

I agree with nice guys sometimes getting picked over but they are the only ones who get my attention now. I guess I'm getting old it was just I felt like flowers would have been cool to keep him on her mind or a note but it kinda sounds like either he's not buying she's busy or he doesn't care and that kinda freaked me out:shock:

I agree there may be some men, like woman, who come on too strong. Had my share of those last century when I dated. Just tell him the truth and be open and honest. (if that was all that bothered her, he may cool down and there may be room for a relationship) or if you just don't think he's your cup of tea, tell him that too nicely. Maybe he didn't realize he came on too strong. After that, if he persists, then get a restraining order.

this is making me rully tense!

NOOOOO, Mango gave you instructions not to call boys that have never called you. There's a big difference. Here is a guy who was set up by a friend. I am assuming someone you know a long time? who knows you? Knows this guy is not a whack a doodle?

He works with me. (Which is why he has my number/email address.) However, I have only worked there since December, and have only known the friends (my boss and his wife, who also works with us) since I've been there. The guy--let's call him J--has only worked there since February. J approached my boss, struck up a conversation about me, and my boss thought it was cute and that J was a nice guy. Boss and I both did some checking, and everyone told us 1) how nice he is, and 2) how smitten he seemed to be.

So, no--none of us have known each other for a long time at all. But my boss and his wife took us to Starbucks and then to their house to look at paintings.

This morning I went in to say good morning to my boss (a morning ritual--we co-teach 4 classes and generally collaborate in the morning) and he said, "I don't mean to pry, and you don't have to tell me, but what did you think about Saturday?"

At that point I still wasn't sure if J & my boss were hitting it off as good friends, so I just said that he seemed nice but came on a little strong. That's when Boss looked at me and said that he was a little uncomfortable--the guy kept touching me like we were engaged or something.

Now as far as discussing marriage, did he propose? or just casually bring up briefly what he was looking for? There's a difference too there. I could see if y'all were in your early 20's and this guy is coming on strong, but one reaches a certain age, some things are discussed sooner than later because of the maturity and experiences ones has had if one is truly interested in a serious relationship.

Me thinks maybe you pushed a nice guy away maybe...someone you don't have to chase?

There, I said it. Got that off my chest. What is so wrong with a doting husband?

Honestly, I don't get woman sometimes. I know there are plenty of toads out there, but there are also many nice guys experiencing the same issues y'all think you are having who get passed over for being too nice.

My boss was asking him about his plans for after the school year. Through no fault of J's, his contract was not renewed. (He was the last person hired, and they have made cuts in staff.) J told him that he would have to discuss it with me first. He wasn't discussing what he thought about marriage or how he felt about children. He was involving me in his future plans. He knows way more about me than I've told him, and feels free to casually discuss these facts. He has a lot of recreational plans that involve me, even though I have not explicitly or implicitly agreed to participate in any of these plans.

I really like nice men, and I try to treat them well. My other 2 blind dates have been with really nice men who I would go out with again in a heartbeat or write a nice letter of recommendation, if they prefer. Two very nice, polite, generous, outgoing, good-looking, gainfully-employed, seemingly baggage-free men, which is probably why neither of them have gone out with me again! On one of those dates we had a rather vocal discussions (in the company of our sweet chaperone) about potential mate material, dealing with children, career preferences, family, etc. Not at all creepy--good "get to know you" conversation. But J went "me, too" on me from the beginning. ("I'm a cat person," "Me, too!" "I'm a Tech fan." "Me, too!" etc.)

I agree there may be some men, like woman, who come on too strong. Had my share of those last century when I dated. Just tell him the truth and be open and honest. (if that was all that bothered her, he may cool down and there may be room for a relationship) or if you just don't think he's your cup of tea, tell him that too nicely. Maybe he didn't realize he came on too strong. After that, if he persists, then get a restraining order.

I told him very frankly that I'm interested in slowly getting to know him. I told him that it went way too fast for me. I told him that it will be no less than 2 weeks before I will even have time to pursue a friendship. So far he hasn't heard any of this--he knew I was in a rehearsal all evening, but left me a message telling me to call him tonight--but I am going to do exactly what I say with him. I am not going to lead him on.

I think that the biggest red flag so far was the conversation with my boss this morning. All day yesterday I was beating myself up with the same things you were asking, Mango--I thought I was being too critical, judgmental, impossible, etc. But my boss was actually apologizing to me this morning for putting me in this position and encouraging me to run--his "freak meter" was going off, too. I don't like what all of this is doing to my anxiety level...no more dating for me!

Rohipnall, you left out the story about the codpiece! :funn:

Rohipnall, you left out the story about the codpiece! :funn:

:shock: :leaving: I'm repressing that information, along with the fact that the codpiece was part of his Storm Trooper costume.

You officially have exclusive rights on setting me up from now on, if I ever choose to be set up again.