When I was a child, my father was a very religious man. We moved quite a lot and I became accustomed to making friends everywhere I went.
I was naive to the world and believed all wished me well. I guess I was in the 1st grade and we had moved out west and lived right next to a school. I still can remember the hummingbirds, God were they neat to watch.
At any rate, one day I went to the play ground to play some tether ball and while I was playing with my new friend he started saying Fxxk. I think most people get the idea of the word I am referring to.
I asked him what it meant and he looked at me and laughed and asked, you don't know? I said no and then a few of the kids came around and started saying that it is something your Dad loves to do.
They told me to go to my dad and to say, dad you are a mother Fuxker. Well I did not know what to think about it but decided I would go home and get something to eat.
When I walked through the door I saw my dad sitting in his chair and asked him what does the word FuxK mean? He jumped up and grabbed me by my hair and started beating me up pretty something fierce. My mom came out of the bed room and pulled my dad off me because my nose was bleeding pretty bad and my lip was badly cut up.
He had me go in the bed room and start praying for God to forgive me for what I had just done and told me I was going to hell if I didn't.
Well heck, I didn't want God to be mad at me and send me to Hell so I remember getting on my knees and praying to God to forgive me. I prayed as if God was in that very room and asked him to forgive me.
I don't remember why but I started praying that if God was going to send my dad to hell to send me in his place. It is funny how little children think.
It was the first time that I looked at my dad differently. I felt I could not no longer trust him to protect me. It is funny how we remember things that happened so long ago, yet seem like they just happened yesterday.
I look at my child and watch her smile and ponder, how can a parent not show love and compassion to their own child? I am sure my father did the best he knew but what a way to be taught a lesson about God.
Yep, I would have to say that this was my first time I was let down by my dad.
Replies
32
Beach Fanatic
A very odd thread...
IBD, you make a good point.
I would just add that sometimes, when someone starts a thread with a deeply personal and intimate story, it can prompt others to do the same thing. The internet is full of examples of people who create fictional persona, write intimate and sad stories that are fiction, and then get some bizarre thrill from others posting real intimacies.
The title of this thread was titillating and misleading, and some people have expressed that for them the stories don't ring true. It's pretty clear to me, whether or not they are correct in their assumptions, they posted the "troll" remarks out of concern for others....hoping no one would reveal things that might seem embarrassing later.
It might be more productive to discuss why some of you believe so strongly that a poster is real and legitimate and a true member of the community rather than assume others are being horrible for the sake of hurting this poor adult that was once a terribly abused child.
Or perhaps we should just ask sandybanks about her motivation for posting this thread. Hoping to find other survivors of abuse? Reaching out to be comforted?
SB, if you've been wrongly accused of trolldom, the forum at isurvive.org might be a very good place for you to visit and share your story and begin to heal.
I am going to stick my neck waaaaaaaay out here.
SBanks has some topics that many of us don't want to discuss. Troll stuff or not, I personally feel that if he/she wants to start a thread then that is their thread to discuss with whomever they want. I dont want to talk about his/her subject so I refrain from commenting --it can be hard..
IBD, you make a good point.
I would just add that sometimes, when someone starts a thread with a deeply personal and intimate story, it can prompt others to do the same thing. The internet is full of examples of people who create fictional persona, write intimate and sad stories that are fiction, and then get some bizarre thrill from others posting real intimacies.
The title of this thread was titillating and misleading, and some people have expressed that for them the stories don't ring true. It's pretty clear to me, whether or not they are correct in their assumptions, they posted the "troll" remarks out of concern for others....hoping no one would reveal things that might seem embarrassing later.
It might be more productive to discuss why some of you believe so strongly that a poster is real and legitimate and a true member of the community rather than assume others are being horrible for the sake of hurting this poor adult that was once a terribly abused child.
Or perhaps we should just ask sandybanks about her motivation for posting this thread. Hoping to find other survivors of abuse? Reaching out to be comforted?
SB, if you've been wrongly accused of trolldom, the forum at isurvive.org might be a very good place for you to visit and share your story and begin to heal.
SoWal Insider
sigh - :roll: I DID NOT know this person was a troll. As a matter of fact, I STILL don't.
These are my last words on the subject. Publicly and privately.
.
These are my last words on the subject. Publicly and privately.
.
SoWal Insider
IBD, you make a good point.
I would just add that sometimes, when someone starts a thread with a deeply personal and intimate story, it can prompt others to do the same thing. The internet is full of examples of people who create fictional persona, write intimate and sad stories that are fiction, and then get some bizarre thrill from others posting real intimacies.
The title of this thread was titillating and misleading, and some people have expressed that for them the stories don't ring true. It's pretty clear to me, whether or not they are correct in their assumptions, they posted the "troll" remarks out of concern for others....hoping no one would reveal things that might seem embarrassing later.
It might be more productive to discuss why some of you believe so strongly that a poster is real and legitimate and a true member of the community rather than assume others are being horrible for the sake of hurting this poor adult that was once a terribly abused child.
Or perhaps we should just ask sandybanks about her motivation for posting this thread. Hoping to find other survivors of abuse? Reaching out to be comforted?
Thanks,
I dont know if SB is a real person and that he/she is really the way in real life as he/she comes across on the board. I know that there are many double personalities on this board but they are to entertain and be funn. Maybe this persons funn side is just off quite a bit. OR maybe they just like stirring up trouble. With that being said, if they are to stir up trouble (like analyzing Jdargs family life{which is waaaaaaaaay off}) then I think that ignoring him/her will take care of it.
I dont think anyone is being horrible for calling her a troll, it is black and white.
Beach Fanatic
sigh - :roll: I DID NOT know this person was a troll. As a matter of fact, I STILL don't.
These are my last words on the subject. Publicly and privately.
.
I don't either. Just wanted to put some perspective on the whole thing.
I once gave advice (on insurance) on a board for brca+ people, and there was a person who pretty often obsessed about fears of what "she" would look like if "she" chose to have a mastectomy. Apparently, people would pm her with encouragement, and she would ask them for photos. This person always posted on pretty much the one subject, but was taken at face value...until someone found the fetish site with all those pictures that had been sent in confidence.
It's just good be careful about trusting people on the internet with intimacies.
If SB is real, and she very well may be, I worry about her, as well. This forum is probably not a "safe place" in the psychological sense of the word to post stories recounting abuse. Becoming a parent is often a trigger for abused people, and can bring about a great deal of pain. A forum like isurvive.org is designed to be a safe place.
SoWal Insider
I don't either. Just wanted to put some perspective on the whole thing.
I once gave advice (on insurance) on a board for brca+ people, and there was a person who pretty often obsessed about fears of what "she" would look like if "she" chose to have a mastectomy. Apparently, people would pm her with encouragement, and she would ask them for photos. This person always posted on pretty much the one subject, but was taken at face value...until someone found the fetish site with all those pictures that had been sent in confidence.
It's just good be careful about trusting people on the internet with intimacies.
If SB is real, and she very well may be, I worry about her, as well. This forum is probably not a "safe place" in the psychological sense of the word to post stories recounting abuse. Becoming a parent is often a trigger for abused people, and can bring about a great deal of pain. A forum like isurvive.org is designed to be a safe place.
Good points punzy. I would thank you if I could but the lounge has been deemed a thankless place so I will
for you.Beach FanaticAuthor
Dear friends,
I say that because I don't think any of you are bad people and given the right circumstance, I feel I could get along with anyone on this site.
The event that I posted about was by far not the worst thing that ever happen to me and I did not do it to try to make anyone feel bad. It was something that was on my mind so I posted it to reflect on something that happened years ago.
I am not capable of writing such Fiction as I heard some refer to it as and only meant to put my thoughts down so that I could reflect on why parents sometimes miss the boat.
If I sat here and posted about every bad thing that happened in my life it would be a nightmarish event. The bad things I just keep to my self.
Maybe it is our paradigms are not the same but when I write something for the most part it is for me. It's a way for me to work out things in my mind so that I can some how realize that people are human and make mistakes.
I ask each and everyone of you who thinks that I am a troll to go back over the past couple of months and pull up my threads and post and find where I am mean to anyone.
I am not Jesus by any stretch of the imagination,but I do try to get along with people. I was given red reps, (and by the way, I still don't know what it means but if it made people feel good doing it then I have no problem with it) for what? For putting a thread up about one of the worst things that has happened to our Country since it's conception, posting about how our water has fluoride which has been proved not to be safe to drink,posting about how mercury is found in most vaccines and are not good for you.
These are things which are bad for you, I was not holding this information back from you, I was providing you with the data that was afforded to me. I never said you were bad if you gave your children shots or took a flu vaccination.
Instead, I was called names and made fun of in order to try to get me to lash back at many of you. Let me tell you on the record that it is not going to happen. I will not respond negatively to anyone on this board.
Why? How can you make friends with someone who would respond that way? How many of you wish you had a friend that you could treat the way you treated me and they still would call you friend?
I am not special, but I have learned that in order to make friends you must give people time to get to know you. Over my life I have met many people and I would say that many on this board are no different than the people I have met in the past.
When someone comes along and they are new and have different views about life, it is easy to not think and say things to them that you would not say to a friend. But how we treat people we do not consider are our friends are usually how we are treating our friends, we just don't know it but they do.
I say that because I don't think any of you are bad people and given the right circumstance, I feel I could get along with anyone on this site.
The event that I posted about was by far not the worst thing that ever happen to me and I did not do it to try to make anyone feel bad. It was something that was on my mind so I posted it to reflect on something that happened years ago.
I am not capable of writing such Fiction as I heard some refer to it as and only meant to put my thoughts down so that I could reflect on why parents sometimes miss the boat.
If I sat here and posted about every bad thing that happened in my life it would be a nightmarish event. The bad things I just keep to my self.
Maybe it is our paradigms are not the same but when I write something for the most part it is for me. It's a way for me to work out things in my mind so that I can some how realize that people are human and make mistakes.
I ask each and everyone of you who thinks that I am a troll to go back over the past couple of months and pull up my threads and post and find where I am mean to anyone.
I am not Jesus by any stretch of the imagination,but I do try to get along with people. I was given red reps, (and by the way, I still don't know what it means but if it made people feel good doing it then I have no problem with it) for what? For putting a thread up about one of the worst things that has happened to our Country since it's conception, posting about how our water has fluoride which has been proved not to be safe to drink,posting about how mercury is found in most vaccines and are not good for you.
These are things which are bad for you, I was not holding this information back from you, I was providing you with the data that was afforded to me. I never said you were bad if you gave your children shots or took a flu vaccination.
Instead, I was called names and made fun of in order to try to get me to lash back at many of you. Let me tell you on the record that it is not going to happen. I will not respond negatively to anyone on this board.
Why? How can you make friends with someone who would respond that way? How many of you wish you had a friend that you could treat the way you treated me and they still would call you friend?
I am not special, but I have learned that in order to make friends you must give people time to get to know you. Over my life I have met many people and I would say that many on this board are no different than the people I have met in the past.
When someone comes along and they are new and have different views about life, it is easy to not think and say things to them that you would not say to a friend. But how we treat people we do not consider are our friends are usually how we are treating our friends, we just don't know it but they do.
Edited
Beach Fanatic
Maybe it is our paradigms are not the same but when I write something for the most part it is for me. It's a way for me to work out things in my mind so that I can some how realize that people are human and make mistakes.
I would suggest you might consider a Blog then. They can be very therapuetic in allowing one to have a place to vent and share.
Kurt has been kind enough to make that option available on the forums, simply go to the top of this page and click on Blogs.
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