Spam any one?

FunnChef - AlisonCooks.com

Jul 10, '06 · 7:50 AM2,3061

This is the official knock spam thread...If this is offensive to any one, or is politically incorrect....TOUGH.... :floor:

Spam Haiku:Clad in metal, proud
No mere salt-curing for you
You are not bacon

And who dares mock Spam?
You? you? you are not worthy
Of one rich pink fleck

Silent, former pig
One communal awareness
Myriad pink bricks

Twist, pull the sharp lid
Jerks and cuts me deeply but
Spam, aah, my poultice

Can of metal, slick
Soft center, so cool, moistening
I yearn for your salt

Blue can of steel
What promise do you hold?
Salt flesh so ripe

Grotesque pinkish mass
In a blue can on a shelf
Quivering alone

Replies

FunnChef - AlisonCooks.comAuthor

Jul 10, '06 · 8:02 AM#2

Spam carving...............................Spam of Steel, Canadian King Spalmon

Trial of Lorena Spammit......................... Daddy-o's new camera?

bean

Jul 10, '06 · 8:22 AM#3

I was going to have spam for breakfast but jeesh Alli, not sure I can after that 3rd pic. :floor:

Do you always wake up so fuNNy.

SoWal Insider

Jul 10, '06 · 8:32 AM#4

Hi kids! I'm Copious Barfon, the leading chef for iffy recipes in the US,
and today I'm going to show you how to make a *jumbo size pack of Spam (TM)*,
one that's so BIG you will have enough for you and ALL your friends! But
watch out, I can't guarantee they'll still be friends after they've tried it.
(Note : I had to change the ingredients slightly to keep animal rights
groups from suing me.)

Ingredients:
*One cow*
(a terminally depressed, suicidal cow that has no desire whatever
to live anymore and is quite happy to sacrifice its life to be an
ingredient in suspect cuisine)
*One pig*
(with a similar outlook on life to the cow)
A ten kilo slice of whale blubber
A large pot of moisturiser
A can of petrol

Utensils :
A cement mixer
A clothes peg
Two hand guns

Directions:
Put the peg on your nose and mix the petrol up with the whale blubber.
Feed the pig half of this mixture, the cow the other half. Pigs will
eat anything, but the cow may need some persuasion even if it's suicidal.
If all else fails, hold its nose until it moos in protest and shove it all
in quickly. Give the cow a pat on the back, but don't let it give you one.
Allow the animals a few hours to digest it, then take their last wills and
testaments before providing each one with a hand gun.
After they shoot themselves, and you have stood for a minutes respectful
silence, carve the animals up into three piles. Pile A for the bones,
brains and balls, Pile B for the fat, Pile C for the best cuts.
Throw Pile C away, you won't need it. Keep Pile B for when you next visit
Burger King; they need all the fat they can get for their Bacon Double
Cheesburgers. Place Pile A in the cement mixer, and turn it on. After
an hour it should start to resemble spam. Taste it, and you'll tell by
that feeling of faint nausea, that this is indeed Spam. But it is not yet
spreadable! So Add the moisturiser until it is.
And there you have it!
In my next recipe, Copious Barfon will be showing you how to make a cheap
capucino from mud, flem and flaked weasels droppings.
Till then, happy eating!

FunnChef - AlisonCooks.comAuthor

Jul 10, '06 · 8:41 AM#5

I was going to have spam for breakfast but jeesh Alli, not sure I can after that 3rd pic.
Do you always wake up so fuNNy.

I was goaded on by Copious Barfon!...it came to me in a dream.......... :blink:

FunnChef - AlisonCooks.comAuthor

Jul 10, '06 · 8:42 AM#6

Hi kids! I'm Copious Barfon, the leading chef for iffy recipes in the US,
and today I'm going to show you how to make a *jumbo size pack of Spam (TM)*,
one that's so BIG you will have enough for you and ALL your friends! But
watch out, I can't guarantee they'll still be friends after they've tried it.
QUOTE] ....................................:rofl:

FunnChef - AlisonCooks.comAuthor

Jul 10, '06 · 8:44 AM#7

How to become a hott spam chick............................

SoWal Insider

Jul 10, '06 · 9:05 AM#8

I was goaded on by Copious Barfon!...it came to me in a dream..........

Well I knew one of us would start the thread! :lolabove:

except, one ingredient I forgot- badger ham :rolling:

SoWal Insider

Jul 10, '06 · 9:14 AM#9

How to become a hott spam chick............................

A new bathing suit? :clap_1:

FunnChef - AlisonCooks.comAuthor

Jul 10, '06 · 9:19 AM#10

Well I knew one of us would start the thread! except, one ingredient I forgot- badger ham

:scratch: :scratch: :scratch: :scratch:
this was all I could find :idontno:

...country Badger Ham...looks much more appetizing than Spam

I am sure someone can do better......challenge!

SoWal Insider

Jul 10, '06 · 2:24 PM#11

Sorry for you leaving ya hangin,Allifun, but have to run to airport now.
Can't believe there's a Spam Museum and they have products, but I think I like these the best! :floor:

Can't belive they glow in the dark

http://www.spamgift.com/ProductsList.aspx?CategoryId=21

Have to get these as a gag gift at the holidays.
Last year it was that CD "HUNG for the holidays"- that guy from American Idol who couldn't sing. Hysterical.

Edited Jan 5, '07 · 10:26 PM

SoWal Guide

Jul 10, '06 · 3:51 PM#12

Yucky! to this entire thread!!! :lol:

FunnChef - AlisonCooks.comAuthor

Jul 10, '06 · 5:21 PM#13

Yucky! to this entire thread!!!

that is exactly the idea! :funn:

SoWal Guide

Jul 10, '06 · 5:23 PM#14

I actually know people who eat spam

(Birmingham, Alabama folk)...

SoWal Guide

Jul 10, '06 · 5:25 PM#15

Raise your hand if you like to eat spam, tell the truth...

raised hand = :lolabove:

unraised hand = :nono1:

undecided hand = :scratch:

bean

Jul 10, '06 · 5:32 PM#16

:nono1: No spoiled ham for me.

FunnChef - AlisonCooks.comAuthor

Jul 10, '06 · 8:14 PM#17

:scratch: I don't think I have ever eaten it...and as a culinarian, I should know what I am talking about...perhaps I should do some research :idontno:

Spam souffle', Spam a la mode, Spam with bernaise sauce and truffle oil topped with golden fried leeks, Spam Wellington, Plank Grilled Spam served over a bed of mixed baby greens and red pepper dressing, Coquille St Spam, Spam & Grits, Spamsagne, Savory Spam Pudding, Spam Creole, Spam Po Boys, Spam Therimodore, Spam Rockafeller, Flaming Spam on a Stick, Arros con spam, Spam a la orange

SoWal Insider

Jul 10, '06 · 11:09 PM#18

OK OK OK

When I saw the thread title I about died from laughter.Story follows....

4th of July weekend we were at our camp in Bunkers Cove. Now to get to bunker you have to go about 15 miles north on Hwy 79 and then 20 miles of dirt road to get to a great place to relax. I was up there and have not been there for a while so I relied on Mr. IBD's inventory list. Well I was hungry and well there was the can of SPAM and not much else. Since it had been about 30 years since i had any I went and fried me a piece. Got is just perfect, golden brown on both sides. Then put some mayo on a steakhouse roll and ate it and boy was it good. Then little IBD wanted some and so she ate it and loved it. The next day Mr. IBD had him one as well and he loved it. So we all ate SPAM at some point. But the funny thing is last night about 11:00 Mr. IBD and I were watching a movie and he said he craved a SPAM samich sooo being the good born in Mississippi and raised in South Alabama girl that I am I got out of bed and made him one!!!! He ate it all and did NOT share any with me. So there I have confessed about the IBD's SPAM intake.

Do you think the "other board" people will accept me????? :floor:

SoWal Insider

Jul 10, '06 · 11:12 PM#19

You could call the hubby Sir Spamalot. :lol:

SoWal Insider

Jul 10, '06 · 11:27 PM#20

I have decided that I have a higher understanding in life. I have always sought out the nicest looking ribeye in the grocery store. However, I have since came to the realization that everything I am searching for I may purchase in a can. Thank you for all of your support and I appreciate the fact that you all will understand my addiction. Thank you, Sir Spamalot....

I decided that it was time to quit lurking and post.....

FunnChef - AlisonCooks.comAuthor

Jul 11, '06 · 12:25 AM#21

I have decided that I have a higher understanding in life. I have always sought out the nicest looking ribeye in the grocery store. However, I have since came to the realization that everything I am searching for I may purchase in a can. Thank you for all of your support and I appreciate the fact that you all will understand my addiction. Thank you, Sir Spamalot....

I decided that it was time to quit lurking and post.....

WTF!!!!!!!! I think I love you!!! :wub:

Thanks for posting...I am so proud of you for coming out of the can!!! :floor:

directionally challenged

Jul 11, '06 · 1:05 AM#22

WTF!!!!!!!! I think I love you!!! Thanks for posting...I am so proud of you for coming out of the can!!!

Now that he's out of the can, he can talk to Kimmifunn :funn:

fartblossom

Jul 11, '06 · 5:55 AM#23

welcome sir spamalot !!! can we eat spam on your boat in november ?? i'll furnish the spam, straight from indiana !

SoWal Guide

Jul 11, '06 · 6:38 AM#24

I have decided that I have a higher understanding in life. I have always sought out the nicest looking ribeye in the grocery store. However, I have since came to the realization that everything I am searching for I may purchase in a can. Thank you for all of your support and I appreciate the fact that you all will understand my addiction. Thank you, Sir Spamalot....

I decided that it was time to quit lurking and post.....

SoWal Guide

Jul 11, '06 · 6:40 AM#25

OK OK OK

When I saw the thread title I about died from laughter.Story follows....

4th of July weekend we were at our camp in Bunkers Cove. Now to get to bunker you have to go about 15 miles north on Hwy 79 and then 20 miles of dirt road to get to a great place to relax. I was up there and have not been there for a while so I relied on Mr. IBD's inventory list. Well I was hungry and well there was the can of SPAM and not much else. Since it had been about 30 years since i had any I went and fried me a piece. Got is just perfect, golden brown on both sides. Then put some mayo on a steakhouse roll and ate it and boy was it good. Then little IBD wanted some and so she ate it and loved it. The next day Mr. IBD had him one as well and he loved it. So we all ate SPAM at some point. But the funny thing is last night about 11:00 Mr. IBD and I were watching a movie and he said he craved a SPAM samich sooo being the good born in Mississippi and raised in South Alabama girl that I am I got out of bed and made him one!!!! He ate it all and did NOT share any with me. So there I have confessed about the IBD's SPAM intake.

Do you think the "other board" people will accept me?????

this is absolutely hilarious!!! you are one brave and adventurous woman!! :clap_1: Spam makes for good camping it seems!!!!!! :lolabove: