30gAy
Beach Fanatic
The Walton Funn reviews.
A Very 30-A Holiday Special
by Walton Funn Film and TV Critic, David Rawlins
This past Sunday afternoon, thousands of people across the Florida Panhandle tuned into watch A Very 30-A Holiday Special which was broadcast on BeachTV and simulcast on SoWal.com live feed TV.
The program was hosted by local gadfly 30-gAy, who explained that his show ?was an attempt to bring a local, south Walton flair to the usual, kitschy Christmas Specials.?
The special began simply enough, with host 30-gAy singing his version of ?I?m dreaming of a White Christmas?, which had been modified to ?I?m dreaming of a minimum 7.2 standard, White Sand Christmas.?
Next, the program moved onto the ceremonial arrival of Santa in south Walton.
?We originally wanted to have Santa arrive on a kayak, being pulled by 8 loggerhead sea turtles, but the Florida DEP nixed that idea.?, said 30-gAy. Preliminary test runs with a team of Seaside feral cats proved hard to control. ?Jim Fowler?s Mutual of Omaha Park offered to send us some Aftrican Wildebeest as a promotional stunt but we felt that we really needed a local feel to the whole thing. So we just had to go with the team of Mexican day laborers instead.? Los mojados lead deer Felipe even sported a red nose after a few shots of Jose Cuervo.
In the next scene, local realtor Jeanette Rugel sang ?All I want for Christmas is a greatly reduced MLS inventory?, followed by the lighting on the official south Walton Christmas Tree ?a 12? sand pine decorated with small ceramic condos and SUVs.
By far the most visually stunning scene was described by 30-gAy as ?an attempt to bring a little slice of winter to south Walton?. The plan involved encasing an entire house in Watercolor?s Rose Garden Mews in a giant bubble to create, in effect, an enormous Snow Globe.
The engineering alone was quite impressive. The 80 foot diameter clear plastic dome enclosed both the house and surrounding winter wonderland. Actors dressed in Victorian era outfits joined a group of singing sailors and seamen from NAS Pensacola to carol a number of holiday classics.
But by mid afternoon the scene had become a serious medical emergency. The clear plastic sphere began to act as a giant greenhouse. Temperatures inside the globe reached 133 degrees. Actors, wearing fur lined elf outfits began to collapse of heat exhaustion; one of them in critical condition.
When the Sacred Heart Life Flight helicopter arrived to medi-vac the actors, the downdraft from the propeller blades caused the globe to deflate, and then collapse around the house; causing the scene to look more like a whole-house condom then a picturesque snow village- a visual image punctuated by the sight of panic stricken seamen escaping from every possible opening.
One unnamed local viewer described the show as ?a bizarre cross between a local car commercial and a Donny and Marie Christmas Show??.that is if Donny and Marie were on crack.?
Overall, 30-gAy claimed to be very happy with the way the show came off. ?Next year, we will probably do a few things differently. In retrospect, renaming Ole St. Nick as Santa Build-out Clause as a nod to our sponsors, Watercolor and Watersound, was going a bit too far.?
A Very 30-A Holiday Special
by Walton Funn Film and TV Critic, David Rawlins
This past Sunday afternoon, thousands of people across the Florida Panhandle tuned into watch A Very 30-A Holiday Special which was broadcast on BeachTV and simulcast on SoWal.com live feed TV.
The program was hosted by local gadfly 30-gAy, who explained that his show ?was an attempt to bring a local, south Walton flair to the usual, kitschy Christmas Specials.?
The special began simply enough, with host 30-gAy singing his version of ?I?m dreaming of a White Christmas?, which had been modified to ?I?m dreaming of a minimum 7.2 standard, White Sand Christmas.?
Next, the program moved onto the ceremonial arrival of Santa in south Walton.
?We originally wanted to have Santa arrive on a kayak, being pulled by 8 loggerhead sea turtles, but the Florida DEP nixed that idea.?, said 30-gAy. Preliminary test runs with a team of Seaside feral cats proved hard to control. ?Jim Fowler?s Mutual of Omaha Park offered to send us some Aftrican Wildebeest as a promotional stunt but we felt that we really needed a local feel to the whole thing. So we just had to go with the team of Mexican day laborers instead.? Los mojados lead deer Felipe even sported a red nose after a few shots of Jose Cuervo.
In the next scene, local realtor Jeanette Rugel sang ?All I want for Christmas is a greatly reduced MLS inventory?, followed by the lighting on the official south Walton Christmas Tree ?a 12? sand pine decorated with small ceramic condos and SUVs.
By far the most visually stunning scene was described by 30-gAy as ?an attempt to bring a little slice of winter to south Walton?. The plan involved encasing an entire house in Watercolor?s Rose Garden Mews in a giant bubble to create, in effect, an enormous Snow Globe.
The engineering alone was quite impressive. The 80 foot diameter clear plastic dome enclosed both the house and surrounding winter wonderland. Actors dressed in Victorian era outfits joined a group of singing sailors and seamen from NAS Pensacola to carol a number of holiday classics.
But by mid afternoon the scene had become a serious medical emergency. The clear plastic sphere began to act as a giant greenhouse. Temperatures inside the globe reached 133 degrees. Actors, wearing fur lined elf outfits began to collapse of heat exhaustion; one of them in critical condition.
When the Sacred Heart Life Flight helicopter arrived to medi-vac the actors, the downdraft from the propeller blades caused the globe to deflate, and then collapse around the house; causing the scene to look more like a whole-house condom then a picturesque snow village- a visual image punctuated by the sight of panic stricken seamen escaping from every possible opening.
One unnamed local viewer described the show as ?a bizarre cross between a local car commercial and a Donny and Marie Christmas Show??.that is if Donny and Marie were on crack.?
Overall, 30-gAy claimed to be very happy with the way the show came off. ?Next year, we will probably do a few things differently. In retrospect, renaming Ole St. Nick as Santa Build-out Clause as a nod to our sponsors, Watercolor and Watersound, was going a bit too far.?
...Ho Ho Ho!
:rofl: 
