Children and Fighting

[DuneAHH]

Jump up and grab the one being taunted, and remove them from the situation, saying something like "Come over here with me so I can tell you/show you about something really neat" or something along those lines. Every time the kids start up with this crap, remove the one that is the target, and give them the special attention. Don't give the nasty ones the time of day- they need to be shown that people who act like that do not make people to want to be around them.

VERY TRICKY subject.
I agree jdarg...In our family, we typically "extract" the kid getting tortured in a manner similar to what you describe. Appropriate handling of the tortur-er... requires additional information .... (and possibly a tutoring session from Kindest of All Kate !)

I think this is the part of the original post being ignored here. It was a SET of kids. In other words, it probablly wasn't just one kid doing all the bad acting. Also, what happened BEFORE the "taunting" took place? There are always 2 sides to every story. Maybe the little bro/sis was being a real jerk earlier and this was merely big bro/sis retaliating. Bottomline, unless there is physical harm being done, and/or you indeed DO know the whole story, mind your own business, or run the risk of looking like a mean old bat.

SO true. Sometimes even when you know the family very very well...the childrens' personalities, "child placement dynamics", or prior actions maybe quite different from appearances. For instance, I was the scaredy-cat, cowardly, wahwah crybaby kid in our family. I now credit my older siblings insistence that I was some kind science experiment as a big part of what ultimately transformed me into the most courageous adventurous kid of our family.
And by the way...for all that we sibs were sometimes positively to one another as kids (albeit out of sight of our parents since they made it VERY CLEAR that this was unacceptable behavior)...we all grew up to ADORE each other!!! So...the other side of the coin is that sometimes we can't know what "strength of character" lessons are occurring; 'cuz not all of us that started out as science experiments turned into scientists

 

[iwishiwasthere]

That situation sounds much better than one of the kids physically beating the crap out of the other. I wonder where the kid doing the taunting observes that behavior??? I would have corrected the kid, but I would be more concerned with what might be causing the behavior. It is likely that there is some major problems in his or her life, and this is just a regular outburst to draw attention. Wearing my Dr Phil or SuperNanny hat for a moment, and going on nothing more than you have stated, I'd say the kid doing the taunting needs some some quality one on one time with the parents and it is severely lacking. Also, it may be the kid is seeing this similar taunting behavior from adults who are in his or her life.

As usual, you are on point. There are quite a few family issues, so I think the household is busy staying afloat. However, the child still needs to be decent to a sibling. I would love for the child to have counseling, but do not think it will happen.

Jump up and grab the one being taunted, and remove them from the situation, saying something like "Come over here with me so I can tell you/show you about something really neat" or something along those lines. Every time the kids start up with this crap, remove the one that is the target, and give them the special attention. Don't give the nasty ones the time of day- they need to be shown that people who act like that do not make people to want to be around them.

Grayt suggestion!! At least it redirects the problem for the moment.

Yes, I believe you should, because basically, the little one is helpless.

I bet you could just yell very loudly "HEY, STOP THAT!!" :angry: and he'd do it.





And....if THAT doesn't work, then punch him in the face.
Lol. Jk.

But really, after that you could just ask the dad what in the world he's doing. Of course, then he might give you the whole "Don't tell me how to raise my kids" maneuver, but just roll off the punch and tell him he's not doing a very good job by letting that happen.

And if THAT, not even THAT works, then you might as well tell the youngest one to lift some weights. You'll have to explain it to him very solumnley, but give him a 10 lb. dumb-bell and I'm sure all of his problems will be over.

Squirt.... your response. I do look forward to the day the youngest is able to overcome the older sibling. You get what you give. Maybe he will win with intelligence instead of brawn.

 

[DuneAHH]

Years ago when our kids were young, I was known in the family as mean old Uncle Danno. If there was ever any problems, my brother in laws and sisters in law would scare their kids by saying that if they didn't behave they would call Uncle Danno to straighten them out. I am still refered to by that name but in a humorous tone by the now grown up kids. I could never keep my mouth closed in these situations. Sometimes it is a good thing but other times the parents didn't appreciate it.

Hey!! I think maybe you're my Dad...except I always thought your name was mean old Uncle Marvin

 

[Smiling JOe]

As usual, you are on point. There are quite a few family issues, so I think the household is busy staying afloat. However, the child still needs to be decent to a sibling. I would love for the child to have counseling, but do not think it will happen.

I don't disagree with your statement of the child needing to be decent to siblings. However, stopping it this one time is not likely to do anything other than easing your own mind. It is likely that the smaller kid gets the verbal abuse on a daily basis. Even after recognizing that, it would not stop me from jumping in there, even if it was kids whom I didn't know. I have no problem with trying to help kids learn to do the right thing.

This incident sounds like it might be the basis of a cry for help from some professionals, not for the older kid, but for the parents. The child might indeed need some counseling, but I suspect the entire family could benefit from the parents receiving the counseling. ;-)

 

[scooterbug44]

I think counseling is great, but not necessarily always the best solution. It sounds like they are all pretty stressed out and both parents and kids could benefit from a little break from each other. Perhaps a play date, trip to a kiddie movie, etc. so the parents can have some kid free time and the kids can have some attention. It is a small thing and not a long term or absolute fix, but can be a huge thing to someone struggling and worn out.

 

[Smiling JOe]

I respect and understand why JDarg and others say to ignore the naughty kid. However, one thing that shouldn't be overlooked is likeliness for the older kid acting out is because he/she needs attention. Ignoring that will only make things worse in the end. It is not a situtation which will change overnight, but with a lot of hard work and training of the parents, they can overcome what sounds to be a problem. Sure, the naughty kid doesn't need to be rewarded for bad behaviour, but the kid is crying for attention from the parents and he/she will take that attention whatever way possible, good or bad. Unfortunately, he/she is likely getting only negative attention, when he/she is behaving poorly, and that makes it worse (rewarding bad behaviour). The kid needs attention and praise for desirable behaviour, and not just one dose of it today. It needs to happen often!

 

[peapod1980]

Were the parents present when this was happening between the children?

Yes! Dad just ignored them, and Mom occassionally intervened.

For me, this is the qualifier--parents present, end of story. Sounds kind of cut and dried, but my feeling is if the parents are around, they are in charge, especially if only their own children are involved. Had my children somehow gotten into the fray, then I feel this is now partially in my jurisdiction, so I have a say-so. It does, indeed, sound like there are larger issues here; issues that will have to be dealt with within the family. A bystander intervening might have a very temporary result, but that's it--the proverbial BAND-AID on the bullet wound.

 

[Kyle]

For me, this is the qualifier--parents present, end of story. Sounds kind of cut and dried, but my feeling is if the parents are around, they are in charge, especially if only their own children are involved. Had my children somehow gotten into the fray, then I feel this is now partially in my jurisdiction, so I have a say-so. It does, indeed, sound like there are larger issues here; issues that will have to be dealt with within the family. A bystander intervening might have a very temporary result, but that's it--the proverbial BAND-AID on the bullet wound.

That's kinda how I roll as well.

 

[seacrestkristi]

Who wants to listen to that sheeet all weekend? Not me. How about, "OMG, Please make it stop." That's not being very considerate of others having to listen to your friend's bickering children. Sorry, but my momma woulda just said to go outside where'd we go off and play with our own friends or kill each other one. Fresh air does a child good.
Then if you were in thier home, maybe another option, you coulda started your own bickering, in a joking way, of course, showing them how silly they sound and make them laugh hopefully. Look at someone who will go along and say,"Quit lookin' at me like that." That's always a good'un! If possible just send'em outside or in to another room where you all don't have to hear it. Tell them it's time for the adults to have some space, go out ot to your separate places, we're tired of hearing the bickering, period, not mad, just matter-of-factly. "I love ya'll but I can't take the fighting, go outside and play. Have some fun. Check in in a little while. Sunshine and fresh air are good for you. Take your ball or jump rope or bike Go have some fun. No is not an option." These were school-age children, right?

 

[DuneAHH]

Who wants to listen to that sheeet all weekend? Not me. How about, "OMG, Please make it stop."