"How Many...." Jokes - I'll Start

[Ocean Lover]

Q: How many Actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
A: One, but 500 auditioned for the part.


Q: How many Atheists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Atheists can't see the light anyway.


Q: How many Blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 1. She stands on the ladder and waits for the world to revolve around
her.

Q: How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the
experience.

Q: How many Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to do it and a priest to hear him confess and give the old bulb
last rites.

Q: How many Christians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three, but they're really one.

Q: How many Communists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but it takes him about 30 years to realize that the old one has
burnt out.

Q: How many Computer nerds does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One to screw it in, one to design the step-by-step program, and one to
design the web page about doing it.


Q: How many Doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation
specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.

Q: How many Feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 100-one to do it and the other 99 to say that the bulb screwer does not
represent mainstream feminism in doing so.

Q: How many firefighters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three-one to do it and two to cut a hole through the roof.

Q: How many Folk musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Four - One to change the bulb, and three to sing about how good the old
one was.

Q: How many Goths does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They sit in the dark.

Q: How many hardware engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they just have marketing sell the burnt-out bulb as a feature.

Q: How many investment brokers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell
it before it crashes.

Q: How many Mimes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Mimes only pretend to change the bulb.

Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a
surprising twist at the end.

Q: How many Philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Why does it need changing?

Q: How many poets does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to curse the darkness and one to light a candle.

Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one. But it takes a long time, and the bulb has to really want to
change.

Q: How many psychoanalysts does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: How many do *you* think it takes?

Q: How many Real Men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark


Q: How many Schizophreniacs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Both of us


Q: How many surgeons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They would wait for a suitable doner and do a filament transplant.

Q: How many system administrators does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they just deny everyone access to the room.

 

[RiverOtter]

Since I am a 'band geek':

Q: How many saxophone players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: three. One to change the bulb, and two to make jokes about "screwing light bulbs."

Q: How many trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: All of them. One changes the bulb and the rest brag about how much better they could've done it.

Q: How many trombonists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but he'll do it too loudly.

Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one, but he'll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks.

Q: How many tuba players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to hold the bulb and two to drink till the room spins.

Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: "Why? Oh, wow! Is it like dark, man?"
A2: Only one, but he'll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they can't just be pushed in.
A3: None. They have a machine that can do that now.

As a fellow band geek these are right on especially this one :funn:

 

[Miss Kitty]

:clap_1: ..thanks RO, et. al.....these are hysterical!

 

[GraytonBound]

hERE i GO.......................................................................... .
I'll just laugh at you guy's. You have funny hair, he has vampire fangs, RiverOtter Is drinking beer....:funn: :funn: :funn:

 

[Miss Kitty]

hERE i GO.......................................................................... .
I'll just laugh at you guy's. You have funny hair, he has vampire fangs, RiverOtter Is drinking beer....:funn: :funn: :funn:

:funn: :rofl: ...:clap_1:

Hey there, AG! Why you up so early?

 

[Unplugged]

Q: How many forum members does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

1 to move it to the Lighting section

2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section

7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs

5 to flame the spell checkers

3 to correct spelling/grammar flames

6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"

15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct

19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum

11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum

36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty

7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs

4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's

3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group

13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"

5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy

4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"

1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.

Credit goes to John... this was a classic from almost a year ago
___________________________________________

 

[RiverOtter]

hERE i GO.......................................................................... .
I'll just laugh at you guy's. You have funny hair, he has vampire fangs, RiverOtter Is drinking beer....:funn: :funn: :funn:

One of these days I'm gonna have to have a long talk with that boy :roll:

 

[Allifunn]

these are ALL funny, but this one is priceless!!!! You have a good memory unplugged.... This was before my time...so thanks for remembering it!
and btw...they are All still true to this day :roll:

Q: How many forum members does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

1 to move it to the Lighting section

2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section

7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs

5 to flame the spell checkers

3 to correct spelling/grammar flames

6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"

15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct

19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum

11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum

36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty

7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs

4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's

3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group

13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"

5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy

4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"

1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.

Credit goes to John... this was a classic from almost a year ago
___________________________________________

 

[GraytonBound]

One of these days I'm gonna have to have a long talk with that boy :roll:

help:shock: AH!!! NOW OTTER IS A SHARK!!!

 

[Biff]

Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz :funn: :funn: :funn: :funn: :funn: