Manners

[newyorker]

Manners has to do with how we think about and treat others, including strangers. When there's too much emphasis on building "self" esteem in kids, they can grow up thinking more about themselves and become desensitize to others. Here's something I wrote about self-esteem for a book chapter on self-awareness a few years ago that you may (or may not, of course!) find interesting:

I'm duly impressed that on this board, we even have a quote with proper citations!! Only goes to show that smart and wise people inhabit this board.

More seriously---I think there is a problem in our culture with civility--those of us in higher ed are facing it in more immediate ways (kids who expect that they are "customers" of higher ed and act like the rude consumers SJ and others above describe. More seriously--my college has faced severe problems of drunken revelries where property is destroyed and date rape is not uncommon.) How do we deal with that in my little corner of the world when the larger world--Fox TV, for example--encourages total incivility and disrespect for common decency toward other human beings? I think it is worse in my neck of the woods (the northeast seems to allow far more rudeness than I ever saw in the south), but this issue is a growing problem everywhere.
Thanks Paula for your excerpt--I may pass it on.

 

[Bob]

I see incivilty as the the dark side of unchecked personal freedom. If no one is held accountable for rude behavior, the problem persists and grows with each new generation. Fox News does not have the incivilty market cornered, rather, most network programming use incivilty to draw you in as a viewer. Most all reality based TV that involve participant-decided elimination require calculated, back-stabbing incivilty toward everyone involved. Most Americans love it!! By the way, if you disagree with my opinion, as Tony Montana said in "Scarface"....."forget you"!!!!!!!!

 

[Paula]

Manners has to do with how we think about and treat others, including strangers. When there's too much emphasis on building "self" esteem in kids, they can grow up thinking more about themselves and become desensitize to others. Here's something I wrote about self-esteem for a book chapter on self-awareness a few years ago that you may (or may not, of course!) find interesting:

I'm duly impressed that on this board, we even have a quote with proper citations!! Only goes to show that smart and wise people inhabit this board.

More seriously---I think there is a problem in our culture with civility--those of us in higher ed are facing it in more immediate ways (kids who expect that they are "customers" of higher ed and act like the rude consumers SJ and others above describe. More seriously--my college has faced severe problems of drunken revelries where property is destroyed and date rape is not uncommon.) How do we deal with that in my little corner of the world when the larger world--Fox TV, for example--encourages total incivility and disrespect for common decency toward other human beings? I think it is worse in my neck of the woods (the northeast seems to allow far more rudeness than I ever saw in the south), but this issue is a growing problem everywhere.
Thanks Paula for your excerpt--I may pass it on.

Yup, citations are good! It is based primarily on the research of Jennifer Crocker at the University of Michigan. She does wonderful research. Feel free to pass it on, New Yorker. I think self-esteem is overplayed too much in the U.S. I think it's good to feel good about oneself, but feeling good about oneself should come in large part by feeling good about how well one treat others.

 

[pgurney]

And just how do you approach the very rude woman in the Seacrest Beach area that walks her two very large black guard dogs that just left 4 bowling ball sized piles in my newly sodded yard? OMG...what does she feed them? I can't believe I have to go clean up that sh(*&t after her - I need a wheel barrow for it! Argghh.

 

[Smiling JOe]

And just how do you approach the very rude woman in the Seacrest Beach area that walks her two very large black guard dogs that just left 4 bowling ball sized piles in my newly sodded yard? OMG...what does she feed them? I can't believe I have to go clean up that sh(*&t after her - I need a wheel barrow for it! Argghh.

bag the piles in a paper bag, put the bag on the front porch, light it on fire, ring the doorbell, and make her come stamp it out.

I am only kidding. ;-) ...but you could scoop up the piles and illegally place it inside her mailbox with a kind note... "your dogs crap does not belong in my yard. Perhaps your mailbox is better suited for it." :funn:

 

[pgurney]

My thought was to send it to her via USPS and wrap it like a nice gift. I wonder if that is illegal? Now to just get her address.

 

[Ocean Lover]

What about those of us who have raised our children to be well mannered, polite, and nice to everyone? I'm finding out not all parents are doing the same. I worry that they'll become pushovers in the ever growing rude world.

 

[Kurt]

My thought was to send it to her via USPS and wrap it like a nice gift. I wonder if that is illegal? Now to just get her address.

I believe you would need a hazardous waste permit and approved biohazard carrier to ship excrement. No doubt a federal offense if sent through the regular mail, or left in a mailbox.

Whatever you do, do not hide a dead fish in a person's house or automobile.

 

[pgurney]

I believe you would need a hazardous waste permit and approved biohazard carrier to ship excrement. No doubt a federal offense if sent through the regular mail, or left in a mailbox.

Whatever you do, do not hide a dead fish in a person's house or automobile.

Thanks Kurt. It's not something I'd really have done....just one of those things it's fun to think about when perturbed by the rudeness.

 

[DBOldford]

The next time this happens, take a snapshot of the woman and her dogs, in mid-_____, if possible. Write a letter to the County Sheriff, attaching the photo. Send her a copy of the letter and photo or leave it on her windshield, whatever you can do. The Sheriff will do nothing, but it will make her think twice about leaving these deposits on your lawn.

Do this only after a nice talk with her fails, however. People are not thinking. If you have children that play on your lawn, this is more than a nuisance. It is a health hazard. She probably has children or grandchildren of her own. Explain that your child plays on the lawn and you are concerned about him/her being smeared with excrement. That should do the trick.