The TV killed the manners.
Manners
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Cil
Beach Fanatic
I think there is a lot of truth to what Kurt says.
Watching TV sort of desensitizes some people.
Ditto cellphones.
They become disassociated from the real world.
Human interaction just isn't what it used to be.
SJ, I had something similar happen to me the other day. A simple "thank you" goes a long way, but some people, if they ever knew it to begin with, have forgotten the *magic words* and this saddens me.
Watching TV sort of desensitizes some people.
Ditto cellphones.
They become disassociated from the real world.
Human interaction just isn't what it used to be.
SJ, I had something similar happen to me the other day. A simple "thank you" goes a long way, but some people, if they ever knew it to begin with, have forgotten the *magic words* and this saddens me.
Manners has to do with how we think about and treat others, including strangers. When there's too much emphasis on building "self" esteem in kids, they can grow up thinking more about themselves and become desensitize to others. Here's something I wrote about self-esteem for a book chapter on self-awareness a few years ago that you may (or may not, of course!) find interesting:
The Costs of High Self-Esteem
Self esteem refers to one?s general feelings about his or her self-worth. Many parents and teachers, particularly in the United States, have become preoccupied with the development and benefits of high self esteem. They assume that the payoffs of high-self esteem include greater happiness, personal success, and contributions to one?s organizations and communities. Recent research, however, is challenging the widely believed assumptions that high self-esteem is inevitably a positive characteristic. People who have high self-esteem do tend to be happier, have more self-confidence, and expect to have a good future, in part because they have self-enhancing biases (for example, they think they have more positive characteristics than the norm). But their high self-esteem doesn?t necessarily translate into higher grades, more kindness toward others, better job performance, greater leadership ability, or positive citizenship behavior. Indeed, gang members often have high self-esteem, but they pursue that self-esteem through destructive behaviors. Furthermore, when compared to people with high self-esteem, people with low self-esteem are not more prone to behaviors that are destructive to oneself or others.
Researcher Jennifer Crocker and her colleagues argue that it?s how one pursues self-esteem, rather than whether one has high or low self-esteem that determines whether high self-esteem will benefit oneself, others, organizations, and one?s communities. For example, if one ties his or her self-worth to high academic achievement, looking good to others, or having a lot of material success, these goals can backfire by creating excessive stress, physical problems, and even increased drug and alcohol use. People with these goals can use unethical or destructive means to achieve these goals. One can cheat on an exam to do well at school, take drugs to maintain the high-energy it may take to work excessive hours, get into extreme debt in order to have abundant material possessions, or sunbathe because they believe the sun tan will make them look good, despite ample medical evidence that doing so increases one?s chances of getting cancer.
Notably, Crocker and her colleagues found that students who base their self-esteem on grades do not necessarily get better grades than those who do not, but they do tend to feel worse when they receive poor grades, and show ?greater drops in self-esteem, positive emotions, and more detachment from their majors when they received poor grades.? Furthermore, researchers Harry Wallace and Roy Baumeister argue that high self-esteem can turn into narcissism, and some research suggests that narcisists are more likely to put considerable effort into highly visible projects in which their efforts will be admired by others, yet are more likely to reduce their effort when the spotlight isn?t on them.
The lesson here is that if we want to achieve greater benefits and fewer costs associated with high self-esteem, we should focus not only on whether one has high or low self-esteem, but also on how one pursues feelings of self-worth. Strategies based on achieving external standards such as how one appears to others (grades, physical appearance, material possessions) are less likely to bring benefits than are strategies based on contributing to others, living in accordance with personal values, and having the desire and ability to control one?s behaviors when these behaviors may be harmful to oneself or others.
Crocker and her colleague, Lora Park, remind well-intentioned parents and teachers that ??attempts to raise children?s self-esteem by teaching them that they are ?special,? ?fabulous,? or ?unique? may be teaching narcissism rather than self-worth and self-respect.? Instead, positive self-esteem ?requires the strong motivation that results from having goals that are larger than the self.?
Baumeister, Roy. F, ?Low Self-Esteem Does Not Cause Aggression.? American Psychological Association Monitor, Vol. 30, No. 4.
Crocker, Jennifer, and Lora E. Park, ?The Costly Pursuit of Self-Esteem,? Psychologial Bulletin, 2004, 130(3), 2004.
Crocker, Jennifer, Diane Quinn, Andrew Karpinski, and Sara Chase, ?When Grades Determine Self-Worth: Consequences of Contingent Self-Worth for Male and Female Engineering and Psychology Majors,? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2003, 85(3), 507-516.
Crocker, Jennifer and Connie T. Wolfe, ?Contingencies of Self-Worth,? Psychological Review, 2001, Vol. 108, No. 3, 593-623
Wallace, Harry and Roy Baumeister, ?The Performance of Narcissists Rises and Falls With Perceived Opportunity for Glory?, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, May 2002, 82(5), pp. 819-834.
The Costs of High Self-Esteem
Self esteem refers to one?s general feelings about his or her self-worth. Many parents and teachers, particularly in the United States, have become preoccupied with the development and benefits of high self esteem. They assume that the payoffs of high-self esteem include greater happiness, personal success, and contributions to one?s organizations and communities. Recent research, however, is challenging the widely believed assumptions that high self-esteem is inevitably a positive characteristic. People who have high self-esteem do tend to be happier, have more self-confidence, and expect to have a good future, in part because they have self-enhancing biases (for example, they think they have more positive characteristics than the norm). But their high self-esteem doesn?t necessarily translate into higher grades, more kindness toward others, better job performance, greater leadership ability, or positive citizenship behavior. Indeed, gang members often have high self-esteem, but they pursue that self-esteem through destructive behaviors. Furthermore, when compared to people with high self-esteem, people with low self-esteem are not more prone to behaviors that are destructive to oneself or others.
Researcher Jennifer Crocker and her colleagues argue that it?s how one pursues self-esteem, rather than whether one has high or low self-esteem that determines whether high self-esteem will benefit oneself, others, organizations, and one?s communities. For example, if one ties his or her self-worth to high academic achievement, looking good to others, or having a lot of material success, these goals can backfire by creating excessive stress, physical problems, and even increased drug and alcohol use. People with these goals can use unethical or destructive means to achieve these goals. One can cheat on an exam to do well at school, take drugs to maintain the high-energy it may take to work excessive hours, get into extreme debt in order to have abundant material possessions, or sunbathe because they believe the sun tan will make them look good, despite ample medical evidence that doing so increases one?s chances of getting cancer.
Notably, Crocker and her colleagues found that students who base their self-esteem on grades do not necessarily get better grades than those who do not, but they do tend to feel worse when they receive poor grades, and show ?greater drops in self-esteem, positive emotions, and more detachment from their majors when they received poor grades.? Furthermore, researchers Harry Wallace and Roy Baumeister argue that high self-esteem can turn into narcissism, and some research suggests that narcisists are more likely to put considerable effort into highly visible projects in which their efforts will be admired by others, yet are more likely to reduce their effort when the spotlight isn?t on them.
The lesson here is that if we want to achieve greater benefits and fewer costs associated with high self-esteem, we should focus not only on whether one has high or low self-esteem, but also on how one pursues feelings of self-worth. Strategies based on achieving external standards such as how one appears to others (grades, physical appearance, material possessions) are less likely to bring benefits than are strategies based on contributing to others, living in accordance with personal values, and having the desire and ability to control one?s behaviors when these behaviors may be harmful to oneself or others.
Crocker and her colleague, Lora Park, remind well-intentioned parents and teachers that ??attempts to raise children?s self-esteem by teaching them that they are ?special,? ?fabulous,? or ?unique? may be teaching narcissism rather than self-worth and self-respect.? Instead, positive self-esteem ?requires the strong motivation that results from having goals that are larger than the self.?
Baumeister, Roy. F, ?Low Self-Esteem Does Not Cause Aggression.? American Psychological Association Monitor, Vol. 30, No. 4.
Crocker, Jennifer, and Lora E. Park, ?The Costly Pursuit of Self-Esteem,? Psychologial Bulletin, 2004, 130(3), 2004.
Crocker, Jennifer, Diane Quinn, Andrew Karpinski, and Sara Chase, ?When Grades Determine Self-Worth: Consequences of Contingent Self-Worth for Male and Female Engineering and Psychology Majors,? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2003, 85(3), 507-516.
Crocker, Jennifer and Connie T. Wolfe, ?Contingencies of Self-Worth,? Psychological Review, 2001, Vol. 108, No. 3, 593-623
Wallace, Harry and Roy Baumeister, ?The Performance of Narcissists Rises and Falls With Perceived Opportunity for Glory?, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, May 2002, 82(5), pp. 819-834.
audie said:
Audie, you are bad. ;-) I love it. :clap_1:
I agree SJ. When I was in college, I worked part time at a clothing store, and we were suppose to greet everyone who walked in the store. Well, I do understand that some people in some stores can be overbearing, but we were not this way, just a simple and genuine "Hello, how are you?" Some people were so rude in responding and I cannot tell you how many times the answer to that question was "I AM JUST LOOKING!!!" So, one day I told this couple who thought they were celebrities or something, that "I did not ask what you were doing, I asked how you were doing."
paula said:
:clap_1:
I agree with SJ. Stock response to rude inquirers: "No comprende."
+ 
Here are a couple of my pet peeves: The person who calls you at work on their cell phone to "catch up," because they're driving and bored. You're sitting there with a work deadline and with the signal cutting in and out, listening to idle chatter mixed with location-specific traffic reports. Or the soccer mom in a vehicle filled to capacity with yelling children, who keeps saying she can't talk because they're arriving or the kids are doing something, etc... yet she does keep talking, always too loud and in between threats to cut off the head of Tiffany or take away her impending vacation at the Poipu Beach Hyatt. Geez.
My new response:
"I'm losing you." In more ways than one. Hang up and no call back.
Overstimulation is a major problem in our society. It used to be one had to go to Disneyland to have this experience. Nowdays, there are way too many people walking around with implanted earbuds for phones or iPods. The next thing will be some gizmo that allows someone to have virtual sex while walking down the street or waiting for an airplane. At least, that would be entertaining! :funn:
+ Here are a couple of my pet peeves: The person who calls you at work on their cell phone to "catch up," because they're driving and bored. You're sitting there with a work deadline and with the signal cutting in and out, listening to idle chatter mixed with location-specific traffic reports. Or the soccer mom in a vehicle filled to capacity with yelling children, who keeps saying she can't talk because they're arriving or the kids are doing something, etc... yet she does keep talking, always too loud and in between threats to cut off the head of Tiffany or take away her impending vacation at the Poipu Beach Hyatt. Geez.
My new response:
"I'm losing you." In more ways than one. Hang up and no call back.
Overstimulation is a major problem in our society. It used to be one had to go to Disneyland to have this experience. Nowdays, there are way too many people walking around with implanted earbuds for phones or iPods. The next thing will be some gizmo that allows someone to have virtual sex while walking down the street or waiting for an airplane. At least, that would be entertaining! :funn:
Donna said:I agree with SJ. Stock response to rude inquirers: "No comprende."
I am to nice to do it, but I have thought about giving rude people wrong directions to their destination, sending them in the opposite direction.
There are people that are just as rude outside of being behind the wheel. My son and his wife have only been married over a year. He is 24 and her 20. I get tired of being drug in the middle of their disagreements. She works in Dillards in the mall at the Clinique makeup counter. 3 times yesterday on his off day she called him at the house demanding he come up there to her work and get her engagement ring he gave her and take it upstairs in the same mall she works in to the jewelers to get it fixed. She works right below on the lower level of the mall and can on her break ride the escalator upstairs and leave it and go back and get it before they close. Instead she chewed my son out 3 times on the phone, hanging up on him each time, and of course, because of that he did not go up there at all. And I don't blame him. And then she calls me and complains. I told him last night I would appreciate it if she would not drag me into their petty nonimportant disagreements. And of course, she was mad at him last night when he picked her up from work. I think she is just trying to see how much he is willing to do for her. She is very immature and I can guarantee you she doesn't think she is. She resents people bossing her also, mainly her mother and her aunt she used to live with here. It is a long story. Am I right on with this or what? I think he has a valid point! She moved out of her mom and dad's because of not being happy with being bossed around and then she moved in with her aunt and she preceded to do the same thing. So out she wanted to move from there. She tries to make me choose between him and her as to on someone's side! So there is rudeness in alot of ways!