This Is What Makes SGG Happy....:)

[SHELLY]

It was very evenly distributed over 7 weeks of rehearsal and the run of the show. (4 days a week for the first 4 weeks, one week off, and every day for the last 2 weeks.)

Ya know, if you and this guy are just hanging out and having fun--with no serious involvement--then there is essentially no harm in such a relationship (assuming he's not married or engaged to a psycho).

However, don't let your guard down for a nanosecond and be aware of any alternative motives that pop up as a result of his stories. (i.e., "I'm stranded in Paris and need some money until my Mom, the Queen of Bavaria, sends me a few Euro." "Can I use your credit card to purchase me a ticket to Aruba where I'll be filming my documentary, 'The Shrimp that Wouldn't Die.' I'll pay you back in a week once Discovery Channel sends me the check.")

Shows like 20/20 and Dateline are loaded with women who have been duped by men (and visa versa) who had told wild adventure stories about their past...most accompanied with photos and names that appear to check out.

 

[NoHall]

Ya know, if you and this guy are just hanging out and having fun--with no serious involvement--then there is essentially no harm in such a relationship (assuming he's not married or engaged to a psycho).

However, don't let your guard down for a nanosecond and be aware of any alternative motives that pop up as a result of his stories. (i.e., "I'm stranded in Paris and need some money until my Mom, the Queen of Bavaria, sends me a few Euro." "Can I use your credit card to purchase me a ticket to Aruba where I'll be filming my documentary, 'The Shrimp that Wouldn't Die.' I'll pay you back in a week once Discovery Channel sends me the check.")

Shows like 20/20 and Dateline are loaded with women who have been duped by men (and visa versa) who had told wild adventure stories about their past...most accompanied with photos and names that appear to check out.

Oh, no--I'm not at ALL worried about that. Everyone--the students, faculty, his boss--knows that he has more money than God, and he knows that I'm broke & in lots of debt from grad school. I have more reason to worry that he's checking those shows for MY picture! Early on I was making fun of him because he had a wild hair during a break in rehearsal and was bidding on an $18,000 motorcycle on eBay.

In fact, I've only seen evidence of generosity. He buys artifacts (old coins & jewelry from Rome, etc.) and he gives them to his students to keep so that their history projects will have relevance. He says they only cost him $10-30/each, which is about $200/semester--not over the top, but most teachers don't fund that out of their own pockets. He doesn't give off that sort of red flag in my opinion.

I'm more worried about his emotional baggage. I think that he has attracted so many predatory women in the past that he doesn't know how to deal with someone who doesn't want to use him. He did the whole "come here, come here, go away, come back here" business. He asked me to the gun range and (it turns out) got cold feet. I Mona Lisa-d him and he followed me around like a puppy. He gave me mixed signals and I blew him off. He introduced me to his dad & stepmother and chased down my dad to meet him. He made all these sweet plans for staying in my life and won't return a @#$% phone call. (This REALLY pisses me off because he made big plans to come teach my students stage combat. They met him already and were really excited about it.)

The rational part of my brain is telling me to let him sweat out a few weeks without my refreshing presence in his life and let him figure out that he really can't live without me. I never had much use for that part of my brain, and I like the other part of my brain's suggestion that I drive over to his house and kick his @$$.

Is there no "Dummies" book for this?

 

[seagrovegirl]

Dating for Dummies!!! I can write that!!!!

 

[SHELLY]

Oh, no--I'm not at ALL worried about that. Everyone--the students, faculty, his boss--knows that he has more money than God, and he knows that I'm broke & in lots of debt from grad school. I have more reason to worry that he's checking those shows for MY picture! Early on I was making fun of him because he had a wild hair during a break in rehearsal and was bidding on an $18,000 motorcycle on eBay.

In fact, I've only seen evidence of generosity. He buys artifacts (old coins & jewelry from Rome, etc.) and he gives them to his students to keep so that their history projects will have relevance. He says they only cost him $10-30/each, which is about $200/semester--not over the top, but most teachers don't fund that out of their own pockets. He doesn't give off that sort of red flag in my opinion.

I'm more worried about his emotional baggage. I think that he has attracted so many predatory women in the past that he doesn't know how to deal with someone who doesn't want to use him. He did the whole "come here, come here, go away, come back here" business. He asked me to the gun range and (it turns out) got cold feet. I Mona Lisa-d him and he followed me around like a puppy. He gave me mixed signals and I blew him off. He introduced me to his dad & stepmother and chased down my dad to meet him. He made all these sweet plans for staying in my life and won't return a @#$% phone call. (This REALLY pisses me off because he made big plans to come teach my students stage combat. They met him already and were really excited about it.)

The rational part of my brain is telling me to let him sweat out a few weeks without my refreshing presence in his life and let him figure out that he really can't live without me. I never had much use for that part of my brain, and I like the other part of my brain's suggestion that I drive over to his house and kick his @$$.

Is there no "Dummies" book for this?

...sounds to me like he's unstable, immature and too needy for someone whose been on the earth for over 30 years--Drama in spades

If that appeals to you, fine. If not, tell him to go away and come back when he's "manned up."

.
.

 

[scooterbug44]

run forrest run!

Sounds like he uses his money to get attention. You've mentioned it ALOT when talking about him (and I know you aren't one of those uber materialistic people). He VERY publicly uses gifts to excuse his odd behavior and get attention/acceptance/forgiveness.................and only wants what he can't have/someone who makes him work for it.

Not necessarily all his fault - sounds like the biatches he was with in the past screwed him up good - but unless you know them, it's just one more excuse he's told you for his bad behavior.

And IMO he was trying to "test" you w/ stories of his weird adventures.

Here's the acid test - what would you say if your best friend wanted to date this guy OR was dating a guy that behaved like this? Sadly, women usually have much higher standards for their friends than they do for themselves.

 

[Lynnie]

Laties, here's one up for grabs.

Tall, handsome, dark hair, intelligent, charming, gentleman, owns a green energy company (I digg that), assertive and he called Sat. evening around 5 for dinner that night. I already had plans. Lunch the next day, which was fun. Learned almost everything about him......although, no doubt there's more.

Twenty-three birds, two cats and one yappy dog. One bird gets to fly around the house.....the others are 'caged.'

Likes cigars, so we walk across the street so he can buy a cigar and the next thing I know, I am in a head shop. Not my first rodeo, but cought me by surprise. I bought some incense. He checked out the vaporizers, but he doesn't get high......maybe he just needs to clear his sinuses? He doesn't drink because he used to drink too much and decided his friends were all barflys.......that's admirable.

Long conversation all over the map. Then! He tells me that he likes me, is attracted to me and all that stuff and never wants to get married. I told him that this was out of the blue. He carried on and wants to get together again, BUT! Direct quote: Right now I am really focused on work. I work 15 hours/day. Second comes my new networking group, so I have about two free evenings or lunches per week and would love to spend that with you. Next: I am not a jealous type so you are free to go out with whomever you choose.

I accidentally found out he changed his name - just so it sounded cool and the money? Not there......could be somewhere offshore. Then, something triggered with having 22 caged birds. C A G E D......and, seems he likes to box his own life in a bit? I am the least boxed in person I know.

He called Wed. evening and wanted to have dinner. I didn't get the call until later, left him a return vm. Called Thur AM for lunch. I was too busy. He is out of town this weekend and wants to have dinner Tues. We'll see.

Friends only here for me; there is definitely someone better suited for him out there than myself.

 

[seagrovegirl]

Sounds to me like he has a fiance or wife somewhere since his time is so limited. He is boxed in by more important obligations and probably not because he is obsessively organized. RUN!!!!!!!!!

 

[scooterbug44]

Sorry, gonna pass on the judgmental recovering alcoholic who has a house full of bird crap and doesn't want or have time for a relationship...............except when he doesn't want to eat alone. :roll:

 

[Truffle Anne]

...sounds to me like he's unstable, immature and too needy for someone whose been on the earth for over 30 years--Drama in spades

If that appeals to you, fine. If not, tell him to go away and come back when he's "manned up."

.
.

But, sometimes, aren't there nice guys who've hit a few bumps, or are a little (or a lot) insecure, or who don't know how to express themselves well? If enough time is taken to determine if the erratic behavior and responses are neither manipulative nor malicious in nature, then maybe you have an insecure guy who will settle in once he feels safer.

 

[NoHall]

But, sometimes, aren't there nice guys who've hit a few bumps, or are a little (or a lot) insecure, or who don't know how to express themselves well? If enough time is taken to determine if the erratic behavior and responses are neither manipulative nor malicious in nature, then maybe you have an insecure guy who will settle in once he feels safer.

This is my gut feeling, but it comes down to how much insecurity am I willing to absorb at this point?

Sounds like he uses his money to get attention. You've mentioned it ALOT when talking about him (and I know you aren't one of those uber materialistic people). He VERY publicly uses gifts to excuse his odd behavior and get attention/acceptance/forgiveness.................and only wants what he can't have/someone who makes him work for it.

Not necessarily all his fault - sounds like the biatches he was with in the past screwed him up good - but unless you know them, it's just one more excuse he's told you for his bad behavior.

And IMO he was trying to "test" you w/ stories of his weird adventures.

Here's the acid test - what would you say if your best friend wanted to date this guy OR was dating a guy that behaved like this? Sadly, women usually have much higher standards for their friends than they do for themselves.

Never thought of this...GREAT advice! He wants someone who isn't going to tear him down or leave him--it's that simple--but after nearly 40 years of it he's built up his own set of garbage. I'm not sure I'm in the mood to fix someone's damage (or if I should be in that mood, ever.)

...sounds to me like he's unstable, immature and too needy for someone whose been on the earth for over 30 years--Drama in spades

If that appeals to you, fine. If not, tell him to go away and come back when he's "manned up."

.
.

Yep. I'm thinking the same. After the day I've had, it would still feel good to kick his arse, though.

Sorry, gonna pass on the judgmental recovering alcoholic who has a house full of bird crap and doesn't want or have time for a relationship...............except when he doesn't want to eat alone. :roll:

My thoughts exactly!