The Roles of Husbands and Wives

[gundee123]

What you've written sounds very much like the poo poo we heard in
pre-cana (sp?) the Catholic church preaches prior to a church wedding. That the man should make the decisions and the woman should be respectful and nod her head.

I do believe that one partner could become bitter if they are always the compromising partner. But in a healthy marriage, most partners generally have similar opinions views, and goals, and that is what brought them together in the first place.

IMO, one partner always taking the lead in decision making is akin to a monarchy and ultimately lead to an uprising.

Thank you for your comments. I did not realize that my response were similar to pre-cana. I am not of the Catholic faith, nor are my views from any religious prespective. Please note that I did not say that the man should make the decisions and the woman should nod her head.

I agree with your views about what usually takes place in a healthy marriage. I also agree that if one partner always makes the decision without giving any consideration to the other partner needs/wants, it will soon lead to an uprising. That being said, I also realize that my views about the roles of a marriage are definitely not widely accepted, especially in today's culture. If I may ask, what say you should happen when a couple disagrees about a very sensitive issue and neither will accept a compromise?

If we were to look at marriage from a historical perspective to try to ascertain why one out of every two marriage today are now ending in divorce (with that number raising), what you say would probably be the leading cause of this occurence? I remember that a few years ago, the leading cause was fighting over money.

Would you be suspicious of a very considerate married partner (who has ultimate decision making authority, who values the other's input, and who is trusted by the other partner)? If so, may I ask why?

In my mind, you have raised an excellent point of view (one of which I will ponder on for awhile). Thank you for your insightful views.

 

[Bob]

Thank you for your comments. I did not realize that my response were similar to pre-cana. I am not of the Catholic faith, nor are my views from any religious prespective. Please note that I did not say that the man should make the decisions and the woman should nod her head.

I agree with your views about what usually takes place in a healthy marriage. I also agree that if one partner always makes decision without giving any consideration to the other partner needs or wants will soon lead to an uprising. Thus, I also realize that my views about the roles of a marrage are definitely not widely accepted, especially in today's culture. If I may ask, what say you should happen when a couple disagrees about a very passionate issue and neither will accept a compromise?

If we were to look at marriage from a historical perspective to try to ascertain why one out of every two marriage today are now ending in divorce (with that number raising), what you say would probably be the leading cause of this occurence? Would you be suspicious of a very considerate partner (who has ultimate decision making authority, who values the other's input, and who is trusted by the other partner)? If so, may I ask why?

In my mind, you have raised an excellent point of view (one of which I will ponder on for awhile). Thank you for your insightful views.

here's your divorce fodder

 

[dunelover]

I have had many lively discussions about what it takes to have a great marriage and family. These discussions almost always ended up becoming a battle between the husbands and the wives, or the male vs the female.

Once upon a time, husbands were the breadwinners of the family, i.e., made the money by working outside of the home, and the wives worked inside of the home, i.e, cooked, cleaned, washed, took care of the kids, etc. In those days, marital roles/expections/responsibilies were clearly define. Nowadays, we know that things have most definitely changed. Some will say that those changes have hurt the family structure, while others say it was a long-waited improvement.

What say you?

Don't you think that the two people getting married need to have similar views about the roles of husband and wife. Regardless as to what they are, if they are similar and discussed before marriage, the marriage has a bigger chance of success.

 

[gundee123]

Don't you think that the two people getting married need to have similar views about the roles of husband and wife. Regardless as to what they are, if they are similar and discussed before marriage, the marriage has a bigger chance of success.

Thank you for your response, and I agree with you totally. It seems to me that it will usually be easier when they not only share similar views, but also similar value systems. I also think that once the couple come to an agreement about what they believe their roles and responsibilities should be, they should commit such beliefs to the marriage.

I once heard a humorus quote that I think have a little bit of truth to it. It goes something like this, "When a man marries a women, it's because he thinks that she will never change; however, when a woman marries a man, it's because she thinks that she can change him." What say you about Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus?

Thank you for your insightful response.

 

[Seabreeze]

Methinks this thread is being over-thought. It's simple ... when you're at an impasse, agree to disagree.

"Breathe in, breathe out, move on." (Jimmy Buffett)

 

[John R]

Having a successful marriage is easy. The husband needs to obey his wife's commands, and all will be good. It is not like it is rocket science.

 

[Smiling JOe]

SoWalSteve, something tells me that you are still married, and enjoying it.

 

[John R]

SoWalSteve, something tells me that you are still married, and enjoying it.

Not married anymore, but I learned how to have a happy marriage -- do as she says. "Yes, dear."

 

[John R]

A marriage, like any partnership is full of compromises and give and take, otherwise as mentioned above, it would be a monarchy. The role of the husband as final decision maker and breadwinner is quite antiquated in these times. The breadwinner could be either partner, or both, especially if there are no children, or the children are of age and out of the home. Our current financial climate dictates that a single income for a middle class family is sometimes not enough, depending on spending habits, old debt, etc.

Another chip in the armor is the independance of self being ingranied in todays children/young adults. The 'you will do as i say' statement would be met with a hearty guffaw, and the recipient leaving the room to get on with better things.

Yet another; If the breadwinner considers themselve's(sp) the total master of that bread, and doles out an allowance to the homekeeper, you will surely see some resentment within that marriage. the homekeeper does a job that is worth every bit as much as the dollars the breadwinner makes, especially if there are children in the mix. It is a full time job.

In conclusion, the roles within today's unions are interchangeable, and the final say is based on a fair and even discussion.

It appears to me that this question is being asked for one of two reasons: during 14 years of wonderful marriage, something has been simmering below the surface and is on the verge of a full on boil, or your child has come to you with the question and you want to get a third opinion.

no need to quote my response in yours.

 

[dunelover]

Thank you for your response, and I agree with you totally. It seems to me that it will usually be easier when they not only share similar views, but also similar value systems. I also think that once the couple come to an agreement about what they believe their roles and responsibilities should be, they should commit such beliefs to the marriage.

Exactly, value systems are very key as well as commitment. I have been married for 11 years not always happily, but resting well in the knowledge that we both were commitmed, which meant we had to make it better.

Interesting idea for a thread, any paticular reason for starting it?