this is making me rully tense!
NOOOOO, Mango gave you instructions not to call boys that have never called you. There's a big difference. Here is a guy who was set up by a friend. I am assuming someone you know a long time? who knows you? Knows this guy is not a whack a doodle?
He works with me. (Which is why he has my number/email address.) However, I have only worked there since December, and have only known the friends (my boss and his wife, who also works with us) since I've been there. The guy--let's call him J--has only worked there since February. J approached my boss, struck up a conversation about me, and my boss thought it was cute and that J was a nice guy. Boss and I both did some checking, and everyone told us 1) how nice he is, and 2) how smitten he seemed to be.
So, no--none of us have known each other for a long time at all. But my boss and his wife took us to Starbucks and then to their house to look at paintings.
This morning I went in to say good morning to my boss (a morning ritual--we co-teach 4 classes and generally collaborate in the morning) and he said, "I don't mean to pry, and you don't have to tell me, but what did you think about Saturday?"
At that point I still wasn't sure if J & my boss
were hitting it off as good friends, so I just said that he seemed nice but came on a little strong. That's when Boss looked at me and said that
he was a little uncomfortable--the guy kept touching me like we were engaged or something.
Now as far as discussing marriage, did he propose? or just casually bring up briefly what he was looking for? There's a difference too there. I could see if y'all were in your early 20's and this guy is coming on strong, but one reaches a certain age, some things are discussed sooner than later because of the maturity and experiences ones has had if one is truly interested in a serious relationship.
Me thinks maybe you pushed a nice guy away maybe...someone you don't have to chase?
There, I said it. Got that off my chest. What is so wrong with a doting husband?
Honestly, I don't get woman sometimes. I know there are plenty of toads out there, but there are also many nice guys experiencing the same issues y'all think you are having who get passed over for being
too nice.
My boss was asking him about his plans for after the school year. Through no fault of J's, his contract was not renewed. (He was the last person hired, and they have made cuts in staff.) J told him that he would have to discuss it with me first.
He wasn't discussing what he thought about marriage or how he felt about children. He was involving me in his future plans. He knows
way more about me than I've told him, and feels free to casually discuss these facts. He has a lot of recreational plans that involve me, even though I have not explicitly or implicitly agreed to participate in any of these plans.
I really like nice men, and I try to treat them well. My other 2 blind dates have been with really nice men who I would go out with again in a heartbeat or write a nice letter of recommendation, if they prefer. Two
very nice, polite, generous, outgoing, good-looking, gainfully-employed, seemingly baggage-free men, which is probably why neither of them have gone out with me again!
On one of those dates we had a rather vocal discussions (in the company of our sweet chaperone) about potential mate material, dealing with children, career preferences, family, etc. Not at all creepy--good "get to know you" conversation. But J went "me, too" on me from the beginning. ("I'm a cat person," "Me, too!" "I'm a Tech fan." "Me, too!" etc.)
I agree there may be some men, like woman, who come on too strong. Had my share of those last century when I dated. Just tell him the truth and be open and honest. (if that was all that bothered her, he may cool down and there may be room for a relationship) or if you just don't think he's your cup of tea, tell him that too nicely. Maybe he didn't realize he came on too strong. After that, if he persists, then get a restraining order.
I told him very frankly that I'm interested in slowly getting to know him. I told him that it went way too fast for me. I told him that it will be no less than 2 weeks before I will even have time to pursue a friendship. So far he hasn't heard any of this--he knew I was in a rehearsal all evening, but left me a message telling me to call him tonight--but I am going to do exactly what I say with him. I am not going to lead him on.
I think that the biggest red flag so far was the conversation with my boss this morning. All day yesterday I was beating myself up with the same things you were asking, Mango--I thought I was being too critical, judgmental, impossible, etc. But my boss was actually apologizing to me this morning for putting me in this position and encouraging me to run--his "freak meter" was going off, too. I don't like what all of this is doing to my anxiety level...no more dating for me!
:funn: 
